Good Jobs Report Doesn’t Mean Fed Was Right

Timothy B. LeeTimothy B Lee and Soo Oh are mostly right, We Just Got Some Really Great News About the Economy. I wouldn’t say “great news,” but the new jobs report is quite good news and the economic recovery keeps on keeping on. We added 292,000 jobs last month. And the estimates from the two previous months were revised up by a total of 50,000 jobs. So that means that the economy created 2.7 million jobs last year. That’s very good, but still less than 2014, when 3.1 million jobs were created.

It’s not all good news, however. The employment to population ratio (for prime age workers 25-54 years old) is stuck at 77.4%. To give you an idea of what this means, it was 80.0% in January 2008. It was 81.9% in April 2000. This is not a sign that people have gotten lazy. And given it only deals with people at least 25, it mostly filters out people going to school. And given it only deals with people under 55, it mostly filters out people who are retired. So our low rate (which has increased substantially from its nadir of 74.8% in December 2009), simply indicates that there are not enough jobs around.

Let’s do a rough calculation. The employment to population ratio for prime age workers is roughly 2.5% below where it was before the financial crisis. That represents about 3.5 million workers. And I continue to believe that full employment is not 5% (Much less 5.5% or 6%!) but rather 4%. So that represents another 1.5 million workers, for a total of 5 million workers. So if we continue to gain jobs at a rate of 292,000 per month, we will be back at full employment in a year and a half. Of course, no one expects the economy to continue to grow at this rate. It is more reasonable (but hardly assured) that we will see 200,000 jobs per month, which is over two years. For people who have been waiting for seven years, that’s still a long time.

This brings us to the Federal Reserve. This jobs report does not exonerate the recent rate hike. For one thing, the economy hasn’t had time to adjust to it. But the other thing is that the the economy doesn’t have to tank for the Fed to be hurting it. As I’ve just discussed, there are roughly five million people who would like jobs who can’t find one. Wage growth this last year was 2.5% — just above the core inflation rate for the year of 1.8%.

This brings up another question: when was the core inflation last substantially above the Fed’s 2% target? You have to go back 20 years to get even up to 3% for the year! The average core inflation over the last 15 years (1.95%) has been less than the Fed’s target, yet it is terrified that it might might go over the target. It is clear that despite its legal mandate, the Fed has no target; it has a ceiling. It will work to stop low inflation, but it only freaks out about inflation dipping above 2%.

I really hope that the economy will really start to take off now and that this jobs report is just the start. But I seriously doubt that. The most likely case is that it will continue to improve at the mediocre 200,000 jobs per month. At the same time, the Republicans will do everything they can to stall the economy. I mean, look at the following graph. This is what the Republicans have done to keep Americans out of work:

Government Jobs After Recessions

That’s a two million job gap right there. And given a 50% multiplier effect (which is probably low), if the Republicans had allowed the government to grow as it always did after past recessions, we would more or less be at full employment. If that were the case, the Fed could do almost anything it liked and I wouldn’t complain. But despite this jobs report, we are still in the middle of a very fragile recovery, and the Federal Reserve should be doing everything it can to help — and not just please bankers who want larger returns on their “investments.”

Morning Music: Bo Carter

Bo CarterBo Carter is perhaps the greatest character of the Mississippi delta. He is known mostly for his bawdy songs like Banana in Your Fruit Basket and Your Biscuits Are Big Enough for Me and many others. But he was a whole lot more than that.

I quite like his guitar playing, which reminds me a lot of Mississippi John Hurt. It’s an intricate picking style, clearly designed to put the focus on his voice. I’ve also heard him play some slide guitar, which sounded very good.

Now I had meant to provide you with one of his straight songs, but I think you should hear “All Around Man.” It’s probably his most clever song of sexual innuendo. Although if you try really hard, you can see it as a plea for a place to stay and work because he’s a jack of all trades. Still, when he talks about being able to help out until the milkman comes, I’m afraid he steps over the line of innuendo.

Anniversary Post: Battle of New Orleans

Battle of New OrleansOn this day two hundred years ago, the Battle of New Orleans started. Oh my, but don’t we make a big deal out of it! I went to New Orleans when I was a kid and you could barely walk for all the monuments to it. And we as a nation love to talk about it, because it is the one part of the War of 1812 that wasn’t humiliating. This was the war that included the burning of Washington and President Madison having to flee the White House. It’s very likely we would have lost the war right then if it hadn’t been for a hurricane that blew through.

The thing about the Battle of New Orleans is that it happened two weeks after the British and Americans had ended the war with the Treaty of Ghent. The thing is, we always want to glorify war. And so we pick and choose those things that make it all sound glorious, when it was just a rotten war with lots of people killed and wounded with the result being that nothing changed.

On the other hand, we do have Johnny Horton’s song, “Battle of New Orleans.” It makes it sounds like we just destroyed the British. But that isn’t really true. The main thing is that the British were invading and the American forces had intelligence of the coming attack and so set up very good defenses. But in total, less than 400 British soldiers were killed out of 11,000 total troops. Roughly 50 Americans wee killed out of 5,000 troops. Yes, it was a clear victory for the Americans. But it was in no way a defeat that would have broke the backs of the British military.

This is a point of some annoyance to me. People think of war in very romantic terms. “If one side is just or has the will to fight, they can win the day!” Not really. There are cases where errors are made like the British getting bunched up at the Battle of Stirling Bridge. But when a seemingly weaker side wins, there is always a clear reason, like the use of the longbow at the Battle of Agincourt. Americans tend to think there was something special about the Texans at the Battle of the Alamo, but it wasn’t that; it was that they occupied the Alamo Mission. And as it turned out, the Mexicans didn’t lose that many men in taking it anyway.

If people understood just how systematic war is, I don’t think they would be so keen on it. But the power elite love wars. And that’s why they provide myths like the romantic heroes at the Battle of New Orleans, when it was just a stupid battle that cost hundreds of lives in a war that was effectively over.

Evil Conservative Attacks on Obamacare

We Heart ObamacareShakezula over at Lawyers, Guns & Money, wrote, Predictable Predictions — ObamaCare Edition. It’s about two conservative predictions about Obamacare: that it would cause employers to cut hours so that they didn’t have to provide health insurance; and that the Medicaid expansion would lead to job cuts. As Shakezula noted, “Two predictably wrong predictions.” But I have to admit to being totally exhausted by the whole thing.

Of course the predictions were wrong. The people who made them never intended for them to prove to be right. This is how the Republican Party works. They have thrown every possible negative consequence at Obamacare hoping that something would stick. Note: stick, not be right. It is the tactical use of fear. And the Republicans are brilliant at it. They aren’t involved in rational debate. They are rather involved in a kind of anti-apologetics where they are just trying make the best sounding argument for what they believe on faith (or for other reasons regardless).

The Republicans were never afraid that Obamacare wouldn’t work. They talked about it failing all the time, of course. That was their major argument against it: that it was a big government program destined to fail. But if that were the case, they could have stood back and watched it fall. But they haven’t done that because their great fear all along has been that it would succeed.

The conservative movement is based mostly on the idea of hatred. Conservatives see the world about winners and losers. They are like those people who whine about little league baseball where everyone gets a trophy.

And look what those losers in Congress finally managed to do. After almost six years and over 50 votes to repeal, the Republican controlled Congress managed to send a repeal bill to President Obama. Obama, of course, will veto it, and they know it. But this is what passes for success among the Republicans: a slightly less humiliating defeat. But I guess the real thing they are doing is sending a message: elect a Republican president this year and people like me can be totally screwed.

Sarah Kliff and Soo Oh at Vox put together a great chart, Here’s How Much Obamacare Has Cut the Uninsured Rate in Every State. The only state where the uninsured rate has gone up is in bright red Wyoming. This may be why Wyoming is currently discussing accepting the Medicaid expansion. But this isn’t just about the Medicaid expansion. Lots of states that didn’t expand Medicaid are seeing uninsured rates go down because of the exchanges. Texas has seen its uninsured rate go down by roughly a quarter. So I guess it’s really important to repeal Obamacare and stop these positive outcomes.

The conservative movement is based mostly on the idea of hatred. Conservatives see the world about winners and losers. They are like those people who whine about little league baseball where everyone gets a trophy. “What’s the point of playing a game if there isn’t a clear winner and loser?!” I’ve never understood this, but to the conservative brain it seems axiomatic. So if the poor don’t suffer, the game of life is not being played properly.

What makes humans most amazing as a species is not our big brains; other species have impressive brains. What we are great at is communication. And what has really allowed us to advance is the storage of information. This is why science operates at a breakneck speed. And as a result of this, we don’t have to worry so much about evolutionary pressures. We can control our birthrates. We can feed everyone. We can see to it that everyone has a reasonably contented life. Or we could do all these things if we could get the roughly one-third of the human race to stop believing that they can only be happy if others are miserable.

The Republican Party has taken it to a whole new extreme where they want to see the vast majority of people suffer so that the rich and power can feel just a little bit better about how awesome they are. The Republicans in Congress want to see to it that I don’t have healthcare; meanwhile, a bunch of terrorists think that the federal government is a tyranny because it won’t give rich people free land. The American conservative movement is such an amazing combination of evil and stupid that it’s hard to imagine outside of satire.

Why Donald Trump Wins — or Already Did

Donald TrumpEzra Klein wrote, Here’s What I Think Donald Trump’s Loss Will Look Like. You don’t need to read the article, here’s the entire argument, “Trump could just… not win. He could lose the Iowa caucuses. He could fall short in New Hampshire. A loss in any early state might lead to a loss in every state.” That could happen. But I think his argument is too dependent on Howard Dean as a model.

I remember the 2004 primary fairly well. I don’t recall Dean simply collapsing on the day of the Iowa caucus. His campaign seemed to be losing steam for months. His one big selling point was that he was against the Iraq War. But it also happened to have been the case that he wasn’t terribly liberal. And as good (Revolutionary!) as his online campaign was, the rest of his organization wasn’t that great. His whole campaign seemed to have lost steam by November. He was coasting. And then there was that bizarre trip to meet with Jimmy Carter. Through all that period, Dean seemed like the dog that caught the car. His campaign seemed rudderless.

I do think it is a mistake to make an analogy between Democratic voters in 2004 who were very angry about a recent event where they thought their party had let them down, and Republicans in 2016 who are very angry about everything and nothing, and always are.

Now you could say the same thing for Donald Trump. But I think Trump’s appeal to the Republicans is far more visceral than Dean’s appeal was to the Democrats. The Democrats liked that one issue, not Dean; Republicans like Trump. What’s more, there were real candidates running against Dean. Kerry might have seemed stilted, but he was a veteran. So was Gephardt. Trump is running against two first term Senators. Rubio actually has some experience, but he is not appealing to Trump voters. Cruz has basically no political experience and doesn’t seem any more electable against Clinton than Trump does. So I just don’t see Donald Trump petering out.

To me, the much more likely way that Trump loses is through the narrowing of the field. His negatives are still very high. After Bush and Carson get clobbered in Iowa, those votes will most likely go to Rubio and Cruz. I don’t see Christie doing anything much past New Hampshire. If Trump loses, it seems most likely that he will do so because there is a ceiling to his appeal. But that ceiling used to be much lower. The better he does, the higher the ceiling gets, because people aren’t against him because of his bigotry or policies or whatever; they are against him (in as much as they are) because they don’t think he can win.

I have no special insight into this. But I do think it is a mistake to make an analogy between Democratic voters in 2004 who were very angry about a recent event where they thought their party had let them down, and Republicans in 2016 who are very angry about everything and nothing, and always are. And I do think he has as good a chance of winning the Republican nomination as anyone else. But let’s not forget: he’s set the timbre of the campaign. If he isn’t the candidate, he’s still more or less the candidate. Again, I don’t think there is anything special about Trump. So who really cares? Donald Trump wins!

Morning Music: Blind Lemon Jefferson

Blind Lemon JeffersonOne thing you really hear in the earliest blues recordings — which you don’t much just a few years later — is the field holler from the slavery days through the sharecropping days. It’s a bit offensive that Hollywood has made so many movies about the Jews persevering through what are almost certainly mythical acts of oppression thousands of years ago, but so few movies about African Americans somehow surviving through our dark recent past. (And that’s not even to get into our modern outrages like the murder of Tamir Rice.)

Blind Lemon Jefferson was the youngest son of Texas sharecroppers in 1893. Given the date, his parents must certainly have been former slaves. He started playing the guitar in his early teens and before long was a street performer. From there he worked his way up to playing dives. According to his cousin, he would start performing at 8:00 in the evening and sing and play until 4:00 in the morning — just him and his guitar.

One great thing about Blind Lemon Jefferson is that he was well recorded. He recorded roughly 80 sides over the course of five years: 1925 through 1929. His records sold well, and he did all right financially — although certainly not to the level that he deserved. He died in late 1929 of myocarditis. He was just 36 years old.

It’s hard to know what song to pick. Blind Lemon Jefferson’s work is really quite varied. And the way I’m feeling right now, it would be appropriate to listen to, “See That My Grave Is Kept Clean.” But I want to push against that and listen to something a bit more upbeat. So here is, “Match Box Blues.”

Anniversary Post: CQD or Sécurité Distress

Wireless Signal CQDOn this day in 1904, CQD was adopted by the Marconi Company as the official distress symbol for radio use. For those who do not know Morse Code, it is: — · — ·   — — · —   — · ·. The reason for its use was that CQ was short for sécu, which was in turn short for sécurité, which means “security” but became short for “all stations.” It was an alert to everyone. They added the D for “distress,” so that CQD meant: “all stations: distress.”

It wasn’t a good distress signal. The CQ signal was quite common. And B was very similar to D: — · · ·. So it was easy enough for a non-distress signal to be mistaken for a distress signal. Two years later, the international standard became SOS. It’s a much better choice between it is a very clear signal. Even for me (and I find Morse Code very difficult to hear intuitively), it stands out: · · ·   — — —   · · ·.

One interesting thing is that at least CQD did mean something. But it wasn’t exactly memorable. People took to coming up with different phrases for it. For example: “Come Quick, Danger” and the charming “Come Quick — Drowning!” SOS, on the other hand, means absolutely nothing. It is just a distinctive sounding pattern. But it to was later given phrases like “Save Our Ship.”

Of course, all of this is just kind of weird. The first rescue that was accomplished via wireless communication was simply, “HELP.” I’m sure that with much more radio traffic having something clear and simple was helpful. But ultimately, seconds don’t matter — or if they do, you are out of luck. SOS did not help the Titanic. Although interestingly, they also transmitted CQD.

Yes, Brian Beutler, the Bundy Bunch Are Terrorists

Brian BeutlerI am usually in agreement with Brian Beutler. But he was wrong yesterday, No, the Bundys Aren’t Terrorists. The crux of his argument is this, “The men took no hostages, and aren’t threatening to commit acts of violence against civilians.” That’s not actually true as a factual matter. This is not a sit-in where the men are chaining themselves to radiators. They are well armed and have been very clear that they will use violence against government officials if they try to dislodge them. These government officials are not military. There is no war going on. They are civilians.

What’s more, Beutler claimed, “Nobody is being terrorized by the Oregon occupiers.” Uh, yes they are. I am being terrorized — and for a very concrete reason. I used to hang out with a bunch libertarianish people who were just itching for revolution. I know just what these guys are thinking. Either everything ends peacefully and they get a bunch of attention and free snacks. Or they become martyrs hoping to set off angry white gun freaks all over the nation to return the country to its true owners: people like them. They imagine statues of themselves put up like they are the Nathan Hales of the Second Revolutionary War. Trust me: I know these people.

Would anyone have had a problem calling civil rights protesters terrorists if they had occupied lunch counters with shot guns?

It greatly concerns me that law enforcement has to worry that this will turn into another Waco siege and Ruby Ridge. This faction of the extreme right wing dates back to the white supremacist Posse Comitatus. These people have been spitting bile for decades. Where do you think Ted Nugent’s impotent threats against the president come from? These people represent a nationwide tinder box. And they are right to think that if the military comes in and starts killing white militia men, it could get very ugly very fast. And this does concern me — a lot. All of these weekend revolutionaries have their copies of The Anarchist Cookbook, and they are ready to thrust themselves into the imaginary world of Red Dawn.

Terrorism doesn’t have to include acts of violence. In fact, terrorism works mostly through the lack of violence — making people uncertain when it’s going to happen. If there is constant violence, it isn’t terrorism; it is war. One reason that Israel doesn’t crack down on illegal settlements is because of the as of yet non-violent terrorism of Israeli settlers. The fear is that if they are required to follow the law, they will start bombing. That’s terrorism.

Or think about it this way. Imagine your next door neighbor had a crack house and he told you that if you ever called the police, he and his friends were going to storm your house and kill your family. Okay, by Beutler’s definition, that would be terrorism because it was stated explicitly. But what if your next door neighbor just implied it. Isn’t this what the mob does? It isn’t, “I’m gonna burn down your house”; it’s, “It’d be a shame if your house burned down.” The Bundy bunch are very much using terrorist tactics; it’s implied in what they are doing.

What are we to call the Bundy Bunch if not terrorists? Aren’t the New Black Panthers called terrorists? Would anyone have had a problem calling civil rights protesters terrorists if they had occupied lunch counters with shot guns? I think that Beutler is doing what I too often do around here: grope for something contrary to say. The Bundy Bunch are terrorists. It may turn out that they are also a bunch of cowards who won’t live up to their rhetoric. But listen to these guys and what they and their predecessors have been saying for decades. They are either revolutionaries or terrorists. And given the amazing amount of freedom and democracy in this country, I don’t see much of a case for “revolutionaries.”

Why There Are So Many Lefties at the Academy

Paul KrugmanPaul Krugman wrote a really interesting article that I have a couple of things to add to, Academics and Politics. Now we all know the old complaint that college professors are liberal. And it is largely true. Should this concern us? Only if it should concern us that most people on Wall Street are conservative. People who gravitate toward knowledge as an end in itself will understandably lean left. It isn’t a conspiracy.

More and more, I believe that political orientation is really about culture. Being a conservative is really not about particular policies but about an outlook on life. This is something I’ve noticed from countless conversations with conservatives where we are very much in agreement about most things — especially economics. When I was in the academy, the conservatives I knew were like I was at the time: libertarian oriented — not wanting to have government interference. They were generally radically liberal on social issues.

But as liberal as the academy may have traditionally been, it has gotten much more so over the last 25 years. As you can see in the following graph taken from the Higher Education Research Institute, in 1990, roughly 40% of college faculty called themselves liberal and an equal number called themselves moderates. Roughly 20% called themselves conservatives. Today, 60% call themselves liberal, less then 30% call themselves moderates, and only 10% call themselves conservatives.

College Faculty Political Leanings

Krugman’s idea is the obvious one: the academy didn’t get more liberal, the conservatives got more conservative. He also mentioned the Republican Party’s general dismissal of global warming and evolution by natural selection. I would go further. The Republican Party is anti-intellectual. What’s more, they think the only purpose of education is to create a better workforce for IBM and GM. They don’t even think education is a matter of creating good citizens. Look at how common the desire is to eliminate the Department of Education. They want education to be controlled locally so that, among other things, students can be taught that African slaves were “immigrants.”

There is one bit of data presented by Krugman that is startling. If you look at the general population, 35% are Republicans or lean Republican, and 52% are similarly inclined toward the Democrats. For science professors, the numbers are 12% for Republicans and 81% for Democrats. But if you think about it for a moment, it isn’t surprising. Nor is it surprising that this trend started around the time that Bill Clinton became president. What does the Republican Party stand for? Any good ideas that it once had have been co-opted by the Democrats. We now have a moderate party and a proto-fascist party. It isn’t surprising that well informed people would skew heavily toward the Democrats.

I think there are actual issues that liberals and conservatives can debate. But in this country, there really aren’t. The conservative movement has gone off the rails.

But here’s something that a person of Krugman’s stature can’t say: it’s also about intelligence. Republicans love to publish books about what idiots liberals are. They’re compensating. They know that the more education and knowledge a person has, the more liberal they become. This causes conservatives to say things like a comment I recently got, “You’re what my father always called an educated idiot.” That was the extent of his argument. I was wrong just because and all my book learning didn’t mean a thing to him because he thought with his gut.

I think there are actual issues that liberals and conservatives can debate. But in this country, there really aren’t. The conservative movement has gone off the rails. So it’s hard for people who think for a living to miss this fact. Republican economic policy is wrong. Sure, you can find intelligent analysis from Greg Mankiw, but what Republicans want to do is the same thing they’ve done for four decades now and it never works as advertised. Republicans are simply wrong about global warming. Republicans are wrong about foreign policy. These aren’t opinions; these are factual claims. And on foreign policy, even they know they are wrong, because they talk tough, but when pressed, they admit that they would do nothing different from what the Democrats would do.

If we had the Republican Party of the early 1970s, I can see intelligent people differing over policy. But today, there are only three reasons to be a Republican. First, you might be stupid and ignorant. Second, you might be a hateful bigot. Third, you might be rich. That’s it. It isn’t surprising that PhD physicists skew heavily toward the Democratic Party.

Afterword

I haven’t read the study, so I can’t say. Another factor could be that colleges are using so many more adjuncts, who get paid next to nothing. Poor people skew liberal as well. I suspect if you polled college administrators, you would find that they are far more conservative.

Morning Music: Geeshie Wiley

Skinny Leg Blues - Geeshie WileyI’ve got to make this quick, but I’ll come back to it later this week. I first learned of Geeshie Wiley during a library performance by Eric & Suzy Thompson. At that performance, Suzy did her version of the Wiley tune, “Skinny Leg Blues.” But on an album, she did Geeshie Wiley’s best known tune, “Last Kind Word.” In fact, I use the introductory guitar part for the fade music of my videos.

Geeshie Wiley is more myth than woman. She seems to have been an itinerant musician, traveling around in the early 1930s with the other great female blues guitarist, Elvie Thomas. Thomas was about a generation older. She also seems to have kept Wiley in check. There are stories. For example, it is possible that Wiley killed her husband (probably in self defense).

In March of 1930, the two went into a recording studio in Wisconsin and recorded the two songs already mentioned along with two that Thomas sang: “Motherless Child Blues” and “Over to My House.” They returned a year later and recorded two more songs. I’ll discuss those when I get around to Thomas. I do tend to think that Thomas gets short shrift because there is less myth about her. We even have a picture of Elvie Thomas!

But to give you some idea of the legend of Geeshie Wiley, let’s listen to “Skinny Leg Blues.” I’m not absolutely sure what the lyrics of the song are. But as much as I can make out, it is one of the most violent songs I’ve ever heard. What’s so amazing is how calm she is about it. She lays it out: she’s little, but you should be afraid. If you see her coming, you shouldn’t run — that would be pointless. But you might want to pull down the shades so that you aren’t embarrassed when she cuts your throat. It’s an amazing song:

Anniversary Post: Four Freedoms Speech

Franklin Delano RooseveltOn this day in 1941, Franklin Delano Roosevelt gave his Four Freedoms speech. It was actually the 1941 State of the Union address. It’s a good list:

  1. Freedom of speech
  2. Freedom of worship
  3. Freedom from want
  4. Freedom from fear

Now let’s think about these Four Freedoms in a modern context. Freedom of speech is still pretty good here. It has taken a beating over the years, but I don’t think it is any longer true that someone would get thrown in jail for passing out anti-war pamphlets. Just the same, I wonder if any subversive speech started to get traction, whether the government wouldn’t find that it was like shouting fire in a crowded theater.

Freedom of worship is certainly under attack — but not as the conservatives say. It is under attack from conservatives themselves. See, for example, pretty much anyone who is running to get the Republican presidential nomination.

In general, in the US, we don’t care about freedom from want. This is the country of the myth of the rugged individual. And on the right, everyone has fallen under the spell of Ayn Rand. If you want in America, they claim, it is your own damned fault. It has nothing to do with a rigged system. And we completely ignore the way our system is set up to help those who already have a great deal of money. Republicans claim to care about redistribution of income. But they only care about it when the redistribution goes down. When it goes up (which is most of the time), they don’t even believe it exists.

As for fear, well, I think we are the most fearful people on the planet. Both parties push fear, but the Republicans are the ones who make a brand out of it. And it’s amazing to think: they’ve managed to convince their base that the bravest thing is to be constantly afraid.

If FDR were alive today, he would weep. Of the Four Freedoms, the two we had are roughly the same; and the two we didn’t have are even further away from us.

The Final Push: Advertising Puns Don’t Please Me

Motherhood Maternity

I appreciate a good pun. For example, here’s one of my favorites, “Speed kills! Don’t meth around!” Although even there I have to admit that when talking about something like methamphetamine, maybe a clever pun isn’t the most effective approach. But I think that’s especially true when it comes to advertising puns generally. Sometimes it works. FCUK is a pun because it works in that Ann Coulter way — it allows juveniles to titter while claiming that squares are the ones with a dirty mind. This goes along with its relatively hip image and I think it works well.[1]

But mostly when I see an advertising pun, it makes me sad. I have a high opinion of people who work in advertising. They are smart, often funny people. And I think it is beneath them. It reminds me of an episode of This American Life, Tough Room. There was a story about the weekly pitch session at The Onion. The show was in 2008 and a lot of the jokes were thrown out because they were “so 2007.” In other words, the staff at The Onion was always pushing forward. Even if something was clever, it didn’t work if it was stale. (And note: The Onion continues to be as good as it ever was — probably because of this commitment.)

On Sunday, I was walking through the local mall. I had just been at Whole Foods, which I hate to shop at, but I was looking for (and found) one of the few remaining six-packs of Lagunitas Brown Shugga’.[2] As I made my way out, I saw that one oddly placed shop, which has gone through many businesses, was now Motherhood Maternity. I thought it was good because it is a location that people kind of have to search out, and I suspect that pregnant women will do just that. But as I walked past, I saw this:

The Final Push

Really?! The final push? You know, I probably wouldn’t mind so much, but I have a feeling that whomever it was that came up with this was giggling at the time. I get it. It’s silly. It’s even a bit fun. And given that it is an end of the year sale, the sign won’t be up for long. But why is it necessary? Certainly, no reasonable person would think such an ad would be a good idea for a clearance sale for condoms. (Note: “Final Push” is the current banner at their website.)

Maybe it’s just that I’m a guy. I have long said that if men had to give birth, homo sapiens would have gone extinct long ago. And I truly believe that. Despite all the violence and braying of men, it’s women who are built of tougher stuff. But when I see a sign like “The Final Push,” I imagine great pain. If the rotting teeth and destroyed kidneys of meth addiction make puns about it a little questionable, so does the extreme sacrifice that women give to the preservation of our species.

But there is something more. Puns like “The Final Push” just seem lazy. I can think of my own, “You won’t need an epidural when you see our prices!” Or, “Squeeze every penny out of your maternity-wear budget!” Or, “You might have been screwed before, but you won’t be at Motherhood Maternity!” They’re all awful. Maybe advertising companies could take a clue from The Onion: these ads are so some time that isn’t now.


[1] According to the company, the acronym was not meant to be coarse. It was first used in fax transmissions between its UK and Hong Kong operations: FCUK to FCHK. But obviously, someone finally figured out that it might appeal to a certain clothing customer demographic.

[2] Exciting news! Arrogant Bastard is now available in 12-ounce six-packs. It’s expensive though: $17. I would have bought it but soon I won’t be able to get Brown Shugga’, so I passed. But next time. Yes, my lifestyle is getting expensive, but Arrogant Bastard is the best beer I’ve ever tasted. Don’t hate me because I have good taste.