Anniversary Post: Siege of Leningrad

Siege of LeningradAccording to Wikipedia, on this day in 1942, the Soviet forces managed to open up a “much-needed railway link” during the Siege of Leningrad. That’s important stuff that not much attention is paid to by normal people: supply chains. To military people, well, it’s one of the biggest things they think about. And I have to admit to being in awe of the organizational capabilities of the US military. But then, I love systems; so it is a lot easier for me to get excited about how you manage to feed a couple hundred thousand troops than military tactics.

I was in a conversation with one of “my writers” who lives in Bosnia about World War II. He is really well informed about it. In fact, he pushed back a bit against the theory, Stalin, Not the Bomb, Defeated Japan. We were actually talking about Erwin Rommel and the plot to kill Hitler. He mentioned something that I had never thought about: that the war might have gone on longer if the military had been able to take control of Germany.

I had always assumed that if they had, the military government would have sued for peace. But it’s possible that the Allies would not have accepted anything but complete surrender, given that FDR had said just that. Rommel and company were proud men and probably wouldn’t have accepted that. I think it is more likely that FDR was just being rhetorical — at least as regards a non-Hitler Germany. But one can never say in alternative history, which is why it is so much fun.

But the reason that I’m bringing this all up is that I’ve always thought that if Hitler had not broken his pact with Stalin, World War II would have ended rather differently. Certainly I don’t know. I’m not that much up on this history (and it isn’t a period I’m that interested in, anyway). But if all those wasted resources on the eastern front had been put to the west, could the Nazis have been stopped? I wonder.

Attila the Hun and Monty Python’s Worst Sketch

Attila the HunOn this day in 451, Attila the Hun sacked the town of Metz. This was part of an attack on the Western Roman Empire. Some day, I must set down and really get straight on all this history. But the truth is that I’m bad at it. This is why I’ve always liked math: you don’t have to remember anything. Generally, Attila the Hun is depicted today as a barbarian. But you know the definition of a barbarian: “not a Roman.” So that doesn’t actually mean that much. Regardless, I just don’t have the time to read up on the man for an anniversary post. I want to talk about something much closer to my heart: the worst Monty Python’s Flying Circus sketch ever.

That sketch was, of course, “The Attila The Hun Show.” It has all the signs of being a Terry Jones and Michael Palin kind of thing. But then it quickly becomes nothing but a straight parody of old 1950s family situation comedies. The only humor in it is that there is no humor in it. It is a bunch of tired jokes that are supposed to be funny because old situation comedies weren’t funny. For example, Attila the Hun gives his children a severed human head as a present, saying, “I want you kids to get ahead.” It is filled with canned laughter that makes it all the more annoying.

In addition to this, we have Eric Idle doing a black-face servant — “Uncle Tom” — that is offensive even coming from England. I blame John Cleese for the whole thing, but they all to blame. Thankfully, it doesn’t last long and they quickly transition into what strikes me as a very Terry Jones kind of sketch where a bunch of perverts in trench-coats watch as Graham Chapman plays a doctor examining Carol Cleveland. Any sketch where “The Stripper” is played was probably written by Jones. And this transitions to Jones himself doing a striptease, something he seems to have rather enjoyed.

Eventually, the whole thing gets to the high point of the episode, which is the documentary about Village Idiots — which still makes me laugh. And it is blistering social satire, especially once it moves to the “city idiots,” where one says, “Father was Home Secretary, and mother won the derby.” And then it goes into this great bit on Masonic conspiracies. It is, in other words, a great episode. But I rarely watch it because I can’t get past “The Attila the Hun Show” and, “I want you kids to get ahead”!

Anniversary Post: Oscar Wilde’s Persecution

Please forgive me for recycling last year’s anniversary post. It took me a lot of work to do the transfer of my sister’s old blog to here. Plus, I think what happened to Oscar Wilde was outrageous. But then, what else is new? It reminds me of an article I wrote almost exactly three years ago, Michelle Obama and Downton Abbey. In that, I wrote, “It allows people of today to look down on people of a hundred years ago. Yet people today have prejudices that are every bit as pernicious; they simply have different prejudices.” So today we don’t lock up men for the crime of sodomy. And that’s good! But it still drives me crazy that millions of American lives have been destroyed and continue to be destroyed by laws that the man currently in the White House violated.

The Picture of Oscar WildeOn this day in 1895, Oscar Wilde was arrested for the crime of sodomy. It’s an outrage, of course. Just the same, Wilde brought it on himself. The Marquess of Queensberry left a note for Wilde at his club, which read, “For Oscar Wilde, posing sodomite.” So Wilde sued him for criminal libel. Of course, Wilde was a sodomite. And the Marquess had no trouble finding male prostitutes who would testify to that fact. So Wilde lost the case.

Immediately after that, a warrant was issued for Wilde’s arrest. He went to court and lost. He was given two years in prison, although the judge believed that the acts were so vile that they deserved far more than that. After serving the full sentence, Wilde went to France, where he should have gone long before. He died about three years later, his health having certainly been compromised by his time in prison.

Pretty much everyone today sees the treatment of Wilde as ridiculous. I think it is interesting, because drug users are treated exactly the same way today. And what is the difference? In both cases it is private behavior. But things have reversed over time. In 1895, opium use was generally considered a bad habit — much like tobacco is today. But homosexuality was seen as a grave threat to society. Today it is drug use that will destroy society. There is really nothing but bigotry behind both positions.

We mark this day as the start of the persecution of Oscar Wilde. The only thing that has changed is which people the UK government persecutes.

Anniversary Post: First Presidential Veto

George Washington VetoOn this day in 1792, President George Washington issued the first veto in the history of the United States. And it’s a curious law. It had to do with how many voters were represented by each member in the House of Representatives. Congress was trying to figure out how to give out representatives, given that, you couldn’t just take the Constitution’s number of 30,000 (or more) per Representative given that none of the states had populations that were equally divisible by that number.

What they ended up with was a system that ended up giving northern states more seats in the House. And this was already a touchy issue because the south didn’t have many citizens in it because it remained agrarian with a large percentage of its population labeled as property rather than human. This brings to mind the 3/5ths compromise. If slaves really were property, there was absolutely no justification for giving the southern states any representation based on their slaves. But then, isn’t that just like conservatives: whatever is convenient to get their way.

Congress did finally work out a deal that the president signed, Apportionment Act of 1792. In fact, it was just 5 days after the veto. It’s interesting that the rest of life has gotten astonishingly faster, but Congress has gotten astonishingly slower over the last two centuries.

What I find interesting about it all is how now this problem of apportionment works to help the slave red states. For example, Wyoming gets one Representative. In 2014, it had a population of 584,000 people. The same year, my home state of California had a population of 38.8 million. We have 53 Representatives. So: we have one Representative for every 732,000 people. That means that each person in Wyoming gets 25% more representation in the House than each person in California. And don’t even get me started on the Senate. (Fun fact: it’s a 65-to-1 ratio.)

Now one could say that Washington made his historic veto because he was trying to protect his fellow vile slaveholders. But I suspect that it was actually the same issue that would be dealt with by every president through Lincoln: dancing around the south’s peculiar institution and not wanting to set them off. Have you noticed that most conservatives try to claim that the Union started the Civil War? The truth is that from the ratification of the Constitution, the south was itching for a way out. They knew their days were numbered. But oh, all the suffering that went on in the mean time.

But hey: first veto.

Anniversary Post: Microsoft Starts to Suck

MicrosoftOn this day in 1975, Microsoft was formed by two computer mediocrities Paul Allen and Bill Gates. Thanks to them, the personal computer was held back for years. But they were successful as a company because they were ruthless. But let’s remember what these guys did. They wrote a BASIC interpreter in Intel 8080 assembly language. And I know that sounds impressive. But let me set you straight.

When I was in graduate school, I wrote my own text editor in 8086 assembly language. It didn’t take that long. And it was really fun to do. A BASIC interpreter is more work, but it isn’t that big a deal. But here’s the thing: I did that on my own, in addition to, you know, taking classes and trying to figure out how permafrost worked. But I had never taken a computer programming class. I didn’t and do not (despite having created huge and amazing software creations) think of myself as a computer programmer.

So I just don’t think much of people like Allen and Gates — or for that matter, Steve Wozniak, although being more of a hardware guy I give him some credit. And you know you don’t want to get me started on Steve Jobs. But the truth is that even most people who consider themselves technically minded get fooled about this kind of stuff. So what follows is the truth.

There are lots of brilliant programmers and computer scientists around and there have been since the 1950s. Even I could have been one if I had been so inclined (but I’m not ever interested in anything for that long). So the people who we hold up as masters of technology are almost always just technically oriented people who got rich. And that’s exclusively about ruthlessness and luck.

So what would have happened if Bill Gates and Paul Allen had never been born and there had not been a Microsoft? Well, IBM would have hired someone else to provide the operating system for their personal computer. (Note that I said “provide” given that Microsoft wrote almost none of it.) Would things have been better or worse? We can’t say, but I assume better, because I really think Microsoft held things back. Then again, maybe Apple would have been more successful and that would have been a similar catastrophe.

Remembering Ronnie Corbett

Ronnie CorbettI just found out that Ronnie Corbett died. He was 85 years old, so it isn’t a big surprise. I know him from some movies, most notably one of my favorite undervalued films, Fierce Creatures. Before I go on, let me just say that people ignore this movie because it wasn’t A Fish Called Wanda. But it is wonderful. And the reason it is so wonderful is because its filled with so many great characters, like Corbett.

Here is a brief scene from it. Corbett is at the beginning and the end of it. The idea is that a Rupert Murdoch like character has purchased this little zoo so John Cleese is put in charge of making it profitable. He wants to make the zoo “dangerous” and so get rid of all the nice animals like the anteater. So the staff stage a bunch of fake accidents to get him to keep the animals. Eventually, he falls in love with the animals and the zoo. It’s totally my kind of movie: silly but extremely sweet.

Mostly, I know Ronnie Corbett from the sketch comedy show The Two Ronnies. But it wasn’t the show so much. It was that every episode had an “armchair monologue” where he would tell a joke. But the joke didn’t matter. It was just an excuse for him to be amazingly funny getting around to telling the joke. In this case, it is the parrot joke, which is one of those great jokes you can tell your grandmother.

But most of the lead up to the joke is about Ronnie Corbett’s wife. Why? Who knows?! That’s what’s so great about these bits. But it is interesting to noted that they married 30 May 1966, which means that they were just about to celebrate their 50th wedding anniversary. Corbett was diagnosed with ALS just one year ago today, and he died, as is appropriate, surrounded by his family.

Death is not such a bad thing. But it is sad when a great person like Ronnie Corbett is taken from us.

Anniversary Post: Slavery in Florida

Welcome to Florida: the SLAVERY StateWhen I started the second year of my anniversary posts, I had promised myself that I was going to make some of them really short. I don’t need to write 500 or 600 words about everything. But it goes totally against my whole conception of having a blog. I hate it when people produce blog posts that are 90% quotes. I understand: readers seem to like this. But to me, it’s just a new form of plagiarism. Just the same, one sentence posts that link somewhere else strike me as lazy. So I find myself forever at least writing a couple hundred words.

When I noticed that on this day back in 1513, Juan Ponce de León first made sight of Florida, I wanted to make a complete post out of one sentence, “On this day in 1513, the slave trade started in Florida.” But I went back and checked what I wrote last year. It was, Anniversary Post: Western Discovery of Florida. But it went along with that great image on the left that I did in Photoshop.

Anyway, here’s some of what I wrote last year, which I think is pretty good:

On this day in 1513, Juan Ponce de León first made sight of what would become the political laughing stock of the United States: Florida!

Ponce was of noble birth. So after there were no more wars to fight at home, he signed up on Columbus’ second voyage to the New World. After about a decade of roaming around spreading disease and probably just outright murdering local peoples, he found himself in Hispaniola where he was put in charge of killing the local people who, for some reason, had a problem with being enslaved. As a result, Ponce got into the slave owner aristocrat business himself.

Anyway, enslaving populations to mine for gold can only keep a man’s attention for so long. So at the urging of the King of Spain, he went off looking for other lands and more people to “exploit.” And that’s how he discovered Florida. The native people they met there seemed to have quickly figured out that Ponce and company were not to be trusted. Hostilities erupted. After eight months of exploring, they returned Puerto Rico. Then Ponce went back to Spain and then back to Puerto Rico. But don’t worry, this story has a happy ending.

In 1521, Ponce put together an expedition of a couple hundred men to go back to Florida to colonize the place. The Calusa people attacked them, leading to Ponce being mortally wounded. The expedition retreated to Cuba, where Ponce died. Of course, it isn’t that happy a story, because eventually the Calusa were wiped out. I’m not saying that they were wonderful people or anything. But at least they didn’t travel all over the world enslaving people.

Today we morn this important moment in the European slave trade.

There really is something wrong with human beings.

New Patriotic Sports Salute To “All Our Heroes”

Target Field Salutes Other HeroesWith every professional sporting event becoming a tribute to the heroes that keep the American Empire running, the Minnesota Twins have announced that they will be hosting “Salute Our Additional Heroes Nights” this season.

Previously, the team and many others in American sports have honored military veterans with in-game ceremonies, camo-themed caps, and napalm sticks for the kids.

Twins GM Terry Ryan said, “We want to acknowledge how keeping America safe from constant threat to corporate profits isn’t merely the work of men and women and men in uniform. It’s time for millions of unrecognized heroes to get their due.”

Accordingly, the promotional theme will involve tributes to several different aspects of protecting Our Homeland.

A special feature will be “Building, Then Destroying, Then Building, Then Destroying Tomorrow.” It will involve Twins players wearing uniforms fitted with military-contractor logos.

As a shout-out our men and women and men in intelligence agencies, the “Kiss Cam” will eschew live video for recorded intel of couples copulating when they thought the camera eye on phone, tablet, or laptop was turned off. As General Keith Alexander described the hilarious concept, “Your devices are never really turned off, and your love for a great partner can always be turned on!” When questioned about the legality of the practice, he responded, “Freedom!”

A special feature will be “Building, Then Destroying, Then Building, Then Destroying Tomorrow.” It will involve Twins players wearing uniforms fitted with military-contractor logos. Lockheed-Martin, Raytheon, Boeing, and six other prominent patriotic corporations will each have one Twin guiding a remote-controlled drone aircraft hovering around fans in the stands to contribute whatever they can afford. The contributions and mini-drones will converge on the pitcher’s mound, be doused with lighter fluid, and burned, during a rousing sing-along to Lee Greenwood’s “God Bless The USA.”

Finally, there will be a tribute to popular military-themed video games, where enthusiastic gamers can roam Target Field’s outfield wearing virtual-reality headsets and experience, for the first time, the thrill of being shot in the face by actual guns. Twins president Dave St Peter would not confirm or deny a rumor that a dozen members of Gamergate will attend via video to cheer on the spectacle, safe from any women who might hurt their feelings.

Fans who paid money to watch skilled entertainers perform feats of incredible precision are predicted to sit through this promotion and mutter, “That’s just how we are now.”

The Twins plan to “Salute Our Additional Heroes” on every day not already allotted to customary military tributes such as Memorial Day, 4th Of July, Veterans Day, April Fools, Labor Day, Arbor Day, National Dentists-Want-You-To-Floss Day, Thanksgiving, Christmas, New Year’s, and days of the week ending in the letter “y.”

Answering criticisms about how professional sports teams were inadequately celebrating America and Goodness and Stuff, Ryan said “We’re working on it. We can always do more to honor those who protect us from dirty, filthy, inhuman… you know who I mean.”

See Also

Seagullible
Ayman al-Zawahiri at TED
Miracle Reagan Toast Discovered
Zombie Reagan 2016

Anniversary Post: Sinking of the RMS Atlantic

RMS Atlantic BurialOn this day in 1873, early in the morning, the RMS Atlantic sank just to the west of Halifax, Nova Scotia. Of the 957 crew and passengers, at least 545 people died — this included all of the women and children. Interestingly, the Atlantic was White Star Line, which also owned the RMS Titanic. But there’s a big difference here. The sinking of the Titanic was due to stupidity and hubris. The sinking of the Atlantic was the result of bad luck and the simple fact that travel by sea has always been a very dangerous business. Or at least that’s the way I see it.

RMS Atlantic was on its way to New York. But they were running low on coal, so the captain diverted the ship to Halifax to refuel. Visibility was poor and in hindsight, the captain should have stayed off the shore. But then, he did not know that the ship was several miles off course. In the end, he was blamed for the tragedy. But to me, his errors are the sorts of things that are to be expected. Everyone wants someone to blame when something like this happens.

I remember many years ago reading The Perfect Storm. I loved the beginning of it because it was filled with these old stories of Gloucester fishermen. These were tough men doing an incredibly hard job. And they died — a lot. And when they didn’t die, they were beaten halfway there. So I don’t like to go around second guessing and criticizing people who make their livings in this way.

When word got to shore about the RMS Atlantic and its troubles, the local people got into their boats and helped in the rescue. It’s very touching, but understandable. People who live that life understand what it is all about, and how we all have to help each other in times of need.

Anniversary Post: Kundun and Dalai Lama’s Escape

KundunOn this day in 1959, the Dalai Lama escaped the People’s Republic of China and made it to safety in India. I don’t have a lot to say about it. I don’t believe in theocracy. Just the same, I’m not sure it is any worse than any other form of government. It seems like it is just luck of the draw: who happens to be in power and where you find yourself in the pecking order. And the current Dalai Lama seems like an all right kind of guy.

But I do want to talk about something: the movie Kundun. I was dragged to the film by my girlfriend. And I loved it. I thought it was an amazing piece of cinema. And it isn’t surprising. It’s a Martin Scorsese film. What I always find interesting is that Scorsese makes brilliant films like Kundun and New York, New York and Bringing Out the Dead. But it’s films that are far more pedestrian like Raging Bull and Taxi Driver and Goodfellas that are held up as great works of art.

Look: I’ll give you Raging Bull and Taxi Driver, which have something to say, even if they are thoroughly unpleasant films. But Goodfellas?! I know so many people who love that film. They apparently think it is some kind of accurate depiction of organized crime — the truth compared to the romanticism of The Godfather. But Goodfellas has neither the art of Greek drama nor a spark of truth other than that there are people who use violence to get what they want.

But when it comes to a really compelling film like a healer losing his mind because of his incompetence or the true story of one small man coming to terms with the destruction of hundreds of years of tradition he’s been raised to uphold, it isn’t interesting. These films lose money. But more important: they are neglected by “critics” who should expect something more from a movie.

Anniversary Post: Jeopardy!

[And here I was going to write about Jeopardy! and it turns out I did last year. So I’m just going to run it today because I’m literally falling asleep at my keyboard. I keep waiting for life to get easier, but that doesn’t seem to be happening. Although getting rid of my publisher’s constant insults is a big step in the right direction. -FM]

Jeopardy!The game show Jeopardy! is 52 years old today. But it hasn’t been on all that time. It started on NBC and ran from 1964 through 1979, with a two year absence from 1976 through 1978. During that period, it was hosted by Art Fleming. Then, after four years off the air, it was brought back in syndication with the new host Alex Trebek. It was created by Merv Griffin, who created pretty much every “normal” game show you can think of. (All right, that’s a vast exaggeration.)

When I was a kid, I loved game shows. But I hated Jeopardy! There are good reasons for that. Now I kind of like it because I’m good at it. But it is just a quiz show. Providing the questions for the answers is very slightly clever. But it is designed this way simply to hide the fact that it is a boring quiz show. Eight year old Frank was no fool.

I’ve written three articles about the show. The first was simply, Jeopardy! In it, I explained why I would never try out for the show. Short answer: the up side is not compensation enough for the potential that I would humiliate myself. The second article was, “Power Players” on Jeopardy! Out of Touch. I was shocked that media figures were so ignorant and I commented on how the questions were easier for these elites than they are for normal contestants. And the last one was my finally getting around to answering a question that has been on my mind for years, Maximum Possible Win on Jeopardy! How much money could you walk away with on a single episode if you got every question right and maximized the “daily doubles”? $566,400. But the most anyone has ever won on a single episode is only $77,000. Only ten people have ever made more than $50,000.

Happy birthday Jeopardy!

Anniversary Post: Yaoya Oshichi

Given my state of mind and all the time I wasted on the Worst Publisher in the World, I’m just going to reprint last year’s anniversary post about Yaoya Oshichi’s murder. It seems to go along with what I’m going through. I’m dealing with a selfish person who only cares about her own sense of entitlement. She really thinks she is doing me a favor, when it is just the opposite. And she’s making my life a living hell. So why not reprint an article about powerful people who lack empathy and dehumanize others? Sounds perfect!

Yaoya Oshichi - Utagawa KuniteruOn this day back in 1683, Yaoya Oshichi was burned at the stake. She was 16 years old. Apparently, she had fallen in love with a temple page during a fire. So the following year (1682), she set a fire, hoping that she would get a chance to see him again. But she was caught. Apparently, the magistrate at her trial tried to save her life by claiming that she was 15 years old. (You had to be 16 to get the death penalty. This is accepted everywhere — except in Texas.) But the clueless girl corrected him and ended up burning. The story is a very famous one in Japan and has been broadly romanticized in literature.

This took place toward the beginning of the Edo period. At that time, the government applied the death penalty in cases of murder and, as with Oshichi, arson. And the ways they killed people were varied. The less terrible ones are decapitation, waist-cutting (just what it sounds like), are crucifixion. The more terrible ones are sawing (mostly what you are thinking), burning, and boiling. I really don’t understand these torture deaths. I can understand the eye-for-an-eye philosophy of the death penalty — even if I don’t accept it. But these torture deaths can only be the result of psychopathic minds.

So 334 years ago, a girl was burned death. I can’t say that we humans have gotten any better. And I am definitely not just talking about the recent activity of the Islamic State. Sometimes I think the one thing that binds together all of the “great men” of the world now and forever is a lack of empathy.

Happy anniversary of the sadistic murder of Yaoya Oshichi!