I had to go to the hospital this morning. The doctor didn’t tell me why, so I figure it is just that she is a vampire. Either that or it is standard when you get a check-up. I prefer to think she’s a vampire. Regardless, afterwards, I was waiting for my ride so I called up Andrea. Now Andrea can be the most charming person in the world. But she fell into a bit of a depression about three years ago and so our conversations mostly involve my bringing up random things to see if I can get her interested in anything. One of those today was Bob’s Burgers.

Normally, I don’t bring up Bob’s Burgers because I’ve used the show a lot. Speaking of which, here’s a great bit. After Louise said, “Why is the front door open?” And Gene responds, “Maybe God closed a window?” Now come on folks, that’s great comedy. But maybe I just like it because I hate that platitude. My thought has always been that when God closes a door, he usually collapses the roof on you as well. But I wasn’t thinking about that. I was, as I often do, speculating about the future lives of the kids.

And Andrea said, “You’re way over-thinking this show.” And I thought that was a distinctly unkind thing to say. To begin with, she is the person who introduced me to the show. But more important, I over-think everything. That is who I am and she should know it better than just about anyone. If I didn’t over-think things, I wouldn’t be Frank. And over-thinking trivial things is what I’m especially good at. Did I not write, The Evolution of the Pets.com Sock Puppet? And, The Shocking True Story of Twin Chickens? And, Bugs Bunny: Rabbit or Hare? Yes, yes, and yes!

But my fascination with Bob’s Burgers is not just that it is a hilarious show. Much more important is the fact that Bob’s Burgers is the story of my childhood. My parents always had some little business that was barely getting by. When I was older, we had had a deli, and I remember that at the end of each month, it was this big production to get the money for the rent — just like in the show. And notice that it is a dysfunctional family, but not a hateful one. If I were going to fictionalize my childhood, it would be something like Bob’s Burgers.

So I think that it is about the most accurate depiction of an American family that has ever been on television. The only thing I can think of that even comes close is Roseanne. But this is from my perspective. I come from people who might be described as white trash with big dreams. But both of my parents were the black sheep of their families and so it shouldn’t come as any surprise that the world ended up with me. It’s probably a good thing that I never had kids. If I had had a son, he probably would have been someone like the Unibomber, but with puppets or confetti or something.

Regardless, many people may be able to over-think Bob’s Burgers, but I can’t. And yesterday, when Bob made peace with his father, I cried like a baby — even as I laughed, because Bob is awkward in much the same way I am. Oh, the humanity!

Update: I’m Not Sick

Thank you for all the kind wishes, but I’m not sick. I just haven’t been to the doctor in about 8 years, and thanks to Obamacare, I have a doctor. So I got a check-up and she sent me to get a little blood drawn. And how she has me on Kelp. I feel like a sea otter.

Actually, as a result of going to the doctor, I caught a minor cold. Next time: mask and gloves!