Warning: Work and Fiction on Frankly Curious

Tower of Giraffes Hard at WorkDo you have any idea what I’m going through? Work is killing me. Yes, by Frank standards, I am rich! It seems like Scrooge McDuck rich. I mean, if I am running errands, I can just stop at a deli and buy a sandwich. I don’t even think about it. When I buy rice, I choose Basmati over Jasmine, because it is somewhat better, even though it is a lot more expensive. I’m rich! Rich I tell you! But I’m also totally stressed out.

I manage a gaggle of writers. (Look it up: it’s a tower of giraffes and a gaggle of writers — really!) And they have me in a state of anxiety. It isn’t because they are bad. It’s because they are great! Really: I’ve known a lot of “professional” writers in my day and most of them didn’t deserve the status of “writer” much less “professional.” But this group is really good. Some of them are — and I know this will shock you — as good as I am. But this sucks! Because it’s made me very paternal toward them. I worry that they get enough work and that they realize just how wonderful I think they are.

But it isn’t just that. There’s a whole technical side of things. And everything is different. The company I work for is typical of something that started small and grew from emergency to emergency. These are, of course, the best kinds of companies to work for. It means that they are run by creative people who don’t feel the need to plan everything out in advance. But it does leave me with having to remember a whole lot of weird things. And that would be fine if I were still 26 years old with a mind so sharp it could cut peas. But now I have a mind that is more likely to create a squished spot of green.

I think I’m going to post some of my fiction. It’s old stuff, but still work that I think is pretty good… I might even post the first episode of “The Post Postmodern Comedy Hour.”

When I started working seriously for this company, I tried to work four hours per day. Now, I get four hours in before I finish my tea. I could easily work 12 hours per day. But instead, but I love all you so much (and because this blog gives my life some sense of meaning), I work for about four hours, then I write the daily feature here (Like this exciting one!) and then I work a couple of more hours and then I write the morning posts and then I make dinner and then… Well then I spend the rest of the night trying to not end my day just further behind than I started!

And I can’t even take time off. I try! I keep very careful records of the work I do. So I will “sign off” — make a note in my spreadsheet. And then I will notice an email that has to be dealt with and this or that little thing, and before I know it, I’ve worked for a half hour and I figure: screw it, I’m back on the clock. Don’t get me wrong: I’m well paid and I have a great luxury in American life: I can work as much as I want at a job that I actually rather like with really fantastic people. (Really! You wouldn’t believe it! For the last eight years, the internet has been very low energy. We’re going to make the internet great again!)

So next week, I’m planning to get out of town for two days. I’ll still work, of course. I’m afraid if I stop working, the sun may not rise in the morning. I’m not certain, but do any of you really want to take the risk? As a result, I think I’m going to post some of my fiction. It’s old stuff, but still work that I think is pretty good. And if I’m feeling very adventurous, I might even post the first episode of “The Post Postmodern Comedy Hour,” which is probably the most perfect piece of self-expression I’ve ever written. But if you could put up with me whining about my life all these years, you can certainly put up with that!

Afterword

This is also meant to inspire me to work on “Donna Q,” which I’ve been playing with for months. You can probably guess what it is about. But would you imagine in all takes place in a Starbucks? No, I suspect not.

Anniversary Post: Fascism Begins

[This is a reprint of last year’s Anniversary Post, Fascism. It’s interesting that a year later, we are looking at Donald Trump winning the Republican nomination for president. A lot of people don’t like it when Trump is called a fascist. They claim that he’s more along the lines of a right-wing populist as we see in Europe. But I think these people are being pedantic. They want to confine the word to a very narrow definition. I think it is that after the Nazis, no one wants to use the word fascist to describe anything that is popular in the United States. But what are you going to do? Donald Trump is a fascist. Maybe he’s not exactly Mussolini, but then Hitler wasn’t either. -FM]

Benito MussoliniOn this day in 1919, fascism was born. It seems like only yesterday! Maybe that is because the United States has so many fascist elements to it — and I’m not just talking about the Republican Party. When the head of Whole Foods said that Obamacare was basically a fascist law, he wasn’t wrong. Neoconservatism is entirely in keeping with fascism in terms of nationalism and foreign policy. But neoliberalism has many similarities to fascist economic policies. I don’t know where we ever got the idea that the best way to improve the lives of Americans was for the government to “partner” with the private sector. I think neoliberalism has had a much greater negative impact on Americans than neoconservatism. Of course, the fact that most neoconservatives are also neoliberals (or worse) when it comes to the economy does tilt the argument quite distinctly away from them.

The reason that today is the birthday of fascism is because today is the day that Benito Mussolini started his political movement. Of course, fascism dates back much further than that. In fact, it is hard not to see fascism as fundamentally a movement trying to bring back the Roman Empire. I don’t think we should hold it against the Romans, given that they ruled roughly 2,000 years ago, but they had many of the same kinds of beliefs and policies that we know and despise in modern fascism. I think there will always be fascists, the only question is how much power we will allow them to get.

The American right wing has a lot of fascist elements. The biggest way is in their nationalism. That is probably the single most important aspect of fascism. But there are other aspects: authoritarianism, imperialism, traditionalism, racism, and anti-intellectualism — all of which are alive and well in American conservatism. There is one way that the American right is not like fascism. In its early days, fascism believed in workers being combined as an important part of the power structure of the nation. So basically, you had labor, business, and government all working together. American conservatives are not on board with that kind of thing. In that regard, they are more believers in feudalism. So you can say that American conservatism is very much like fascism, but worse.

Liberals, of course, are not like that. But the New Democrats (who continue to control the Democratic Party) have a number of similarities. But it’s like everything about the politics of America: the New Democrats generally suck, but they are so much better than the Republicans (who have been completely taken over by the conservative movement). A better argument could be made that Democrats are communists, but that doesn’t make much sense either. I think that most people on the American left wing see themselves ultimately as being in favor of a kind of Swedish socialism. And the worst you can say about them is that their markets are not as efficient as they ought to be. I don’t agree with that criticism, but I’ll take it if the conservatives will accept that there really isn’t much they have to disagree with Mussolini.

Happy birthday fascism!

[And welcome to America! -FM]

Morning Music: One More Minute

Dare to Be Stupid - One More MinuteWhen I was looking for an image to start this Weird Al Yankovic week, I was struck by something: Yankovic is a fairly attractive guy. Yet he goes out of his way to look like a goon. If early on he had gotten a proper haircut and never, ever grew a mustache, he would have been a mainstay on the cover of Tiger Beat. But I think he likes looking like a goon. And it works perfectly on today’s song, “One More Minute.”

I normally find Weird Al’s work clever. I don’t normally find it outright funny. But “One More Minute” had me laughing throughout. It is a doo-wop song with Jankovic doing his best Elvis in the low register parts of the melody. But rather than being an “I’m in love!” song or “I’m so sad you left me!” song, it is a bitter “Good riddance!” song. Basically, it is a long list of terrible things he would rather do than spend one more minute with her.

The best line in it is probably, “Honey, let me help you with that suitcase.” It kind of reminds me of Jerry Chesnut’s song Good Year for the Roses. In it, the singer is watching his wife pack, and he wants to say something, but all that comes is small talk. But not for our hero in this song. Check it out:

Google and the Predictability of the Human Mind

Google's iPage AdGoogle knows me better than I know myself

Much of the work I do has to do with website management and hosting. And so recently, I found myself editing a massive FAQ — roughly half the length of a novel. It was not exactly fun — at least at first; once it started to take shape, it was fun. But I found myself trying to explain to my 83 year old father what I was doing. He doesn’t even know what an FAQ is, so I was trying to find a way to explain the problem of trying to create a structure out of a collection of disparate information. And I said, “There might be information about, I don’t know, iPage.”

That was the example that came to mind: iPage. If I just started brainstorming, I could probably come up with a hundred web hosting companies. But it was iPage that popped into my mind yesterday evening. Then, this morning, I did what I normally do: I got a cup of tea and drank it while I did my political reading. And the ad on the left popped up. And that disturbed me.

Let me be clear what I am not saying. I’m not saying, “Geez, it sure is amazing that Google knows what I’ve been doing!” The fact that advertising follows me from site to site isn’t surprising. It is one of the first things people learn when they get on the internet. And I’m used to this. Not long ago, I was writing an article about Matlab, and so for a week after it, I was getting Matlab ads.

This is an interesting thing about being a freelance writer: ads tend to be very badly targeted toward me because what I’m searching for is only interesting to me for an hour or two. To give you some idea, my direct boss asked me to expand a document about how freelancers should submit their invoices. I said, “That’s a great idea; I didn’t realize we had a document like that!” And she said, “You wrote it.” Indeed I had: just two months ago. But I don’t remember things. You do them and then you move on to something else.

Anyway, the point is that I’m not surprised that some web hosting company I’ve been writing about starts getting advertised to me. But I wasn’t writing or researching anything about iPage. But clearly, I spend a lot of time on websites that talk about web hosting. And so I doubtless was on a page that was talking about iPage. And that’s why it was the hosting company that came into my mind and the one that Google thought I would like to see this morning.

I had a similar experience several years ago. I was at the grocery store staring at several rows of Ben & Jerry’s ice cream. Now, I like Ben & Jerry’s, but it isn’t my favorite ice cream. And as I looked at the selection, I remembered that earlier that day I had seen a banner ad for Ben & Jerry’s. It’s upsetting to be reminded of just how easily we are manipulated. But we are just very complicated machines. We are largely predictable.

I know that Google doesn’t know that I mentioned iPage to my father last night. But I do think that Google knew that iPage was on my mind, even though I wasn’t conscious of it. It’s creepy. And it will only get more so. Remember Transient Global Amnesia?

Consciousness is a joke.

Morning Music: Jurassic Park by Weird Al Yankovic

Jurassic Park - Weird Al YankovicToday’s song is “Jurassic Park.” Elizabeth commented, “Since I think you mentioned you don’t like MacArthur Park, this might cheer you up. Plus claymation!” Well, she was half right. I am a big fan of claymation, and in fact, every kind of animation. One of the great things about never having kids is that you aren’t required to ever act like an adult. (Note to all you parents out there: I know you’re all pretenders!)

But she’s wrong about “MacArthur Park.” I quite admire the song. She was probably referring to when I wrote this, “And ‘MacArthur Park’ from the days when metaphor didn’t embarrass Americans.” But that was a complaint about Americans and not the song.

The truth is that I am not much of a fan of strict metaphor. I find that it no longer leads to great art. Most people, however, are are just fine with metaphor but then scoff in the most affected way when it is used in an emotionally vulnerable way. I think songs like “MacArthur Park” and “You Don’t Bring Me Flowers” are great. In fact, they are more than great; they are brave.

“Jurassic Park” is a straight parody of “MacArthur Park.” It is clever, as Weird Al Yankovic songs usually are. It does, however, really show off his weakness as a singer. Richard Harris was a far better singer. But that’s a minor point. The animation is also very good. I personally have no problem with Barney, but I thought it was very funny when his head was bitten off by a “real” dinosaur.

Afterword: Jimmy Webb’s Jurassic Park

I can’t get “MacArthur Park” out of my head. The image of a cake in the rain is so idiosyncratic! Who thinks of such things?! Jimmy Webb obviously. And he claims to have actually seen such a thing. But the reason the image works is because it seems almost unthinkable. Who would leave a cake out in the rain? It speaks to the intensity of the feeling and more than makes up for taking the metaphor to its logical conclusion, “And I’ll never have that recipe again.” Apparently, Jimmy Webb likes “Jurassic Park” very much and has even performed it live.

Anniversary Post: Pentium, 80586, Whatever

Pentium, 80586, 586, WhateverOn this day in 1993, Intel released the first Pentium CPU. It ran at 60 MHz — 60 million cycles per second. Think about that: the little clock inside that chip was going from 0 to 5 volts and back to 0 volts: 60 million times every second! That still boggles my mind. Meanwhile, the computer I’m writing this on has a clock speed of 3.1 GHz — 3,100 million cycles per second — fifty times faster. I think the more you know about computers, the more amazing they are. To most people they are just a given. It shocks me that this all works.

Anyway, I remember at the time that the Pentium was released, most people I knew scoffed at the name. There had been the 8086. And then there was the 80286 — confusingly called the “eighty-two eighty-six.” Soon everyone just called it the 286. The 386 was the first 32-bit version of the chip. And the 486 was just the 386 with a math co-processor, so no big deal. The 586 was a big deal. But it was the 586, not the Pentium. Did Intel really think their marketing campaign could get us all to use the silly new name?!

Well, I don’t know what Intel thought it could or could not do. But I do know that very soon everyone called it the Pentium. And after a few years, most people just gave you blank stares if you mentioned the 586 (much less the 80586). It’s like when I used to confuse people by calling Windows 2000 what it actually was: Windows 5.0. XP was Windows 5.1. I don’t mean to be difficult, but it’s actually a lot easier than things like “Windows Vista” (Windows 6.0).

The Pentium Name Means Nothing

It’s the power of marketing. And the amazing thing is that the name — Pentium — didn’t mean anything. The original Pentium had P5 microarchitecture. Within three years, Intel was selling the Pentium II, which had a P6 microarchitecture — more or less the 80686, although they didn’t call it that. The Pentium IV which had NetBurst microarchitecture, which would have been called the 80786 in a sane world.

We have the same thing today. Do you have an i3 in your computer? Or maybe an i5 or an i7? These names are meaningless because the chips keep changing. It’s all about branding. And I hate it! It isn’t because I’m a snob. I just want things to be clear. When you bought an 80286, you knew what you were getting. Now, you need to know a whole lot more than what chip you are talking about and what its clock speed is. In fact, my i5 might be more powerful than your i7 — or less powerful than your i3. I don’t know. I don’t care. I let Will make my computer decisions for me. And thank God for that! Otherwise, I’d be nuttier than I already am.

Social Security, Payroll Taxes, and Incentives

Homeless Man - Social SecurityI’d like to discuss Social Security in a roundabout way. I do a lot of work that deals with web hosting companies. Most of them offer some kind of money-back guarantee. And the better ones will add something like, “No questions asked!” It got me thinking of a small minded business owner who offers a money-back guarantee and then grouses every time someone takes them up on it. What’s with that?

You have to think about why a company offers a money-back guarantee. It’s done to signal trust to the customer. It’s a form of marketing. The company doesn’t offer it just because it is nice; it offers it because it believes that it will only get some of the more marginal customers by offering it. And the truth is, people rarely do take advantage of money-back guarantees. Much more common is someone who buys hosting and then never uses it — effectively giving the hosting company money for nothing at all.

Our small minded business owner is not looking at the situation logically. They are seeing just what they lose and nothing of what they gain. It is like advertising in the newspaper and then complaining that it is costing you money. Right! Because you are getting something for the money. You have to look at both sides of the ledger. And it is the same thing in politics.

It depends upon young people being fine with 15% of their income taken that will never — and could never — benefit them.

I constantly hear conservatives talking about phasing out Social Security. Their favorite trick is to say that it won’t affect anyone 55 and older (which just happens to be the core of their political support). But the way that Social Security operates is that people working now pay for the people retired now. That was the only way the program could work, given that it had to start at some point.

So let’s suppose we tell 25 year olds that they will not get Social Security when they retire. Well, the older people still need their benefits, which means that we will still have to be collecting payroll taxes. But by the thinking of conservatives who have wanted to destroy the program from its very first day, this poses no problem: it depends upon young people being fine with 15% of their income taken that will never — and could never — benefit them. Is that a reasonable assumption? Of course not!

The truth is that conservatives know this. They might make up pretty stories for people close to retirement, but they know that younger people would never agree to pay the same highly regressive tax if their benefits were reduced — for the youngest, to zero. But despite what they say, the idea is not that Social Security is going bankrupt (because it isn’t). And it isn’t about reforming the program going forward. It is about killing the program — as quickly as possible for everyone.

It’s not that they just hate people. It’s that conservatives are the most ideological people in the nation. They care more about that ideology than they do people, because in their minds, if only their ideology were followed, all the problems would disappear. So I’m not saying they are psychopaths. But I am saying that they want to destroy Social Security (and a whole lot more). You should never believe them when they talk about “reform.” When conservatives talk about “reform” they are really trying to pick your pocket.

Morning Music: Weird Al Yankovic

Weird Al YankovicI think the Morning Music posts have gotten rather boring. It’s just a matter of time and focus. If I weren’t so overworked, I’d be able to inject some passion into the project. But in the mean time, I thought I might inject some of your passion into the process. I’d like you all to give me exercises that I could do. And to start it all, I asked Elizabeth to recommend six Weird Al Yankovic songs, since she seems to like him.

I have nothing against him. I’ve known of him since his early days sending in tapes to Dr Demento. He’s clearly very bright and creative. So this is an opportunity to find out a bit more about him. I checked and it turns out that he is slightly older than I am. I like that time works that way: people that are older than me always will be. Unfortunately, people who are younger than me always will be too. But I don’t know why I care, given that I am always at the perfect age.

As usual, however, I’m totally behind in things. This was the Weekend of the 43,000 Word FAQ. It’s still not done, but I’m at the point where I can hardly see straight. So we’ll do an easy one — a Christmas song. It’s “Christmas at Ground Zero.” It is at least partly Weird Al Yankovic’s homage to Tom Lehrer’s “We Will All Go Together When We Go.” It also makes me think of the great film, Matinee. I suppose we should all try to have a good time as we face our doom.

Anniversary Post: King Henry V

Henry VOn this day in 1413, Henry V of England became king. He was king for less than ten years, due to his early death. And his reputation really is just due to the British victory at the Battle of Agincourt. Now that’s one of those great battles that sum up the stupidity of war. Reading Shakespeare, you would think that the British simply fought more bravely than the French. But if anything, they fought more cowardly. It was all due to the use of the long bow that allowed the victory. The vast majority of the British troops were archers. Bravery and resolve in such matters are fairy tales designed to convince men to get themselves killed for no good reason.

It is, then, perhaps appropriate that the great warrior king should die at the age of 36 of dysentery. You gotta love that!

Anyway, Shakespeare’s play Henry V is not bad. It’s interesting how different people at different times have performed it. It’s clear that Shakespeare meant it to be the jingoistic travesty that becomes clear if you sit down and read the whole thing. But normally when it is performed today, people finesse it into something anti-war, or at least nuanced. Which it isn’t. As I’ve argued for years: Shakespeare has benefited greatly by having 400 years of the best editors, directors, and actors finding meaning he never intended and probably would have found horrifying.

Still, we should mark this day of King Henry V by listening to Kenneth Branagh’s do the Saint Crispin’s Day speech. It’s great. It’s beautiful. His performance is wonderful. Yet what he says is vile. Pretty language should never be used to hide ugly ideas.

Thomas Frank on the Establishment Democrats

Thomas FrankThe reason Democrats treat these professionals so respectfully in everything from trade deals to urban bike paths is because that is simply who the Democrats are today. Read through the party’s favorite works of political theory from the last few decades and you repeatedly encounter the same message: the highly credentialled experts and innovators at the top of the nation’s hierarchy of achievement belong there by virtue of their brilliance. That these people also happen to be colleagues and classmates of leading Democrats only reinforces the party’s identification with them. Liberals love to mock the One Percent and their self-serving ideology, but they themselves serve the needs of the top 10% just as blindly.

In truth, our affluent, establishment Democrats can no more be budged from their core dogmas — that education is the solution to all problems, that professionals deserve to lead, that the downfall of the working class is the inevitable price we pay for globalization — than creationists can be wooed away from the tenets of “intelligent design”. The dogmas are simply too essential to their identity.

—Thomas Frank
The Issue Is Not Hillary Clinton’s Wall St Links but Democrats’ Core Dogmas

Kevin Drum and the “Free Trade” Straw Man

Kevin DrumKevin Drum made a huge mistake in an article last week, “Free Trade” Is an Election-Year Nothingburger. I’ll get to his more general point in a bit, but he really blew it. And he even knows it. He wrote, “It’s always dangerous arguing with [Dean] Baker…” Yes! Yes it is! And when you find yourself writing things like “This is probably a bad idea, but…” you probably shouldn’t write it!

What he did was totally straw man Baker’s argument that globalization has been a one-way street. Baker has long argued (because it has long been true) that it has been free trade for manufacturing workers and others who don’t make a whole lot of money. And it has be big time protectionism for highly paid people like doctors and lawyers. This is, of course, not the only problem with globalization, but it is a really important one.

Kevin Drum calls foul, saying it “really doesn’t hold water.” So how is that? Well you see, when manufacturing jobs go overseas, the stuff they make still has to “meet American standards.” But that wouldn’t be true of the doctors who were coming to the United States! Because as we all know, French and Japanese doctors (who make half what American doctors make) are no good at their jobs! That’s why people die so young in those countries. Oh, wait

“Pay no attention to that man behind the curtain!” —Kevin Drum

But here’s what really makes me mad about Kevin Drum’s argument: Dean Baker has addressed this issue virtually every time he’s talked about free trade as it applies to highly paid professionals. He’s always going on about foreign doctors training to American standards. In fact, I’ve been somewhat annoyed about it. I’ve thought, “Enough! I get it!” But apparently, he didn’t say it enough because Kevin Drum, who is really smart and who I greatly admire, did not get it.

What bothers me in a more general way, however, is that Kevin Drum’s article is mostly a defense of the Trans-Pacific Partnership (TPP). Well, maybe not a defense. It’s more, “Pay no attention to that man behind the curtain!” Most people don’t see trade deals as having hurt them, so who cares?! Well, that’s the way it is with large scale processes. Certainly Kevin Drum would never make the argument that global warming isn’t happening because some town in Mississippi has actually seen a slight decrease in temperature over the last two decades. He wouldn’t see that as a reason to do nothing about global warming. But when it comes to trade, he’s willing to make that argument.

There are, of course, many people who know that all our “free” trade agreements have affected them directly. Erik Loomis highlighted one in a recent article, Capital Mobility and Trumpism. A Carrier factory is being moved to Mexico. And an executive kindly told the laid-off men and women, “Workers there [in Mexico] typically earn about $19 a day — less than what many on the assembly line here make in an hour.” As Loomis noted, “The doctrine of unrestricted free trade has been basically bipartisan for many decades now. But no one ever thought hard enough about what this would look like when all the manufacturing jobs were gone.” That’s because those in power didn’t and don’t care, at least for as long as there isn’t a fascist takeover of the country.

What’s particularly bad is that Kervin Drum is not alone in his apologetics. I’ve been seeing a lot of liberal cheer leading recently for the TPP. Did a secret memo go out? It’s especially interesting when Paul Krugman, who has always been very pro-free trade, is now backing away from new trade deals. So it is a very good thing that people like Dean Baker keep hammering away at them. Kevin Drum should know better than to create a straw man out of Baker’s arguments. Just what does Drum think he’s doing?

Afterword: Dean Baker Responds to Kevin Drum

Dean Baker responded to Kevin Drum’s article, Kevin Drum Strikes Out Big Time on Trade. I don’t think he made his strongest case, probably because he likes Drum.

Afterword: the Battle Continues

Kevin Drum was right to be worried about a fight. After Baker’s article, Drum wrote, Dean Baker Needs Better Trade Comparisons. It’s a face-saving article. Basically, Drum is conceding the point but trying to argue about the specific case with doctors. But this is why, “It’s always dangerous arguing with Baker…” Dean Baker is having none of it, More on Kevin Drum’s Protectionism for Doctors. Unfortunately, this is not a “pass the popcorn” moment, because Baker and Drum are more or less in agreement. Still, it is pretty funny because of Drum original comment. It is always dangerous arguing with Dean Baker no matter who you are.

Morning Music: Talking Heads Live in Rome

Talking HeadsI remember in 1995, a student of mine telling me the only good thing about the internet was porn. He wasn’t actually making the case for porn; he was more making the case that the internet sucked. He was largely right. But today, the internet really is an amazing thing. In the old days, there would be little gems that people would have. For example, one guy I knew had a cassette he recorded off the radio of three tracks Talking Heads had recorded back in 1975 when they were still a trio. Now, just enter “Talking Heads Demo” into Google and it’s right there. Listen to Psycho Killer.

This doesn’t just apply to Talking Heads, of course. Last week I featured a set of Jules and the Polar Bears that I would have killed for a couple of decades ago. The same is true of the following video, “Talking Heads: Live in Rome.” It captures the band at the height of its power. But I will admit that Adrian Belew is too prominent and should have been mixed down. He does spoil the organic feel of some of the music because he becomes a lead instrument and there really isn’t a lead instrument on either Fear of Music or Remain in Light.

Still, it’s nice to have and quite enjoyable. I like it more than Stop Making Sense which is just too pretentious for me at this stage in my life. Plus, the songs are weaker.