The Happy Pointlessness of Life

CalvaryI’ve notice how personal reading is for me — and I figure for most people. I don’t much read New Republic. Instead, I read Brian Beutler and Elizabeth Bruenig. I’m not so much interested in being informed, because I get that by reading more general things. But I’m interested in what these people have to say. And there isn’t much reason for it. It’s a question of trust or identity. They are people who I can imagine having over for dinner without wanting to murder them. Something like that.

I wonder if it is the same way around here. I assume that it is. The point cannot be to learn about the world, but to learn about what I think of the world. And that’s fine. I do have an outlook on life that isn’t totally unworthy of listening to. I try to be something slightly more than what you will read elsewhere. And there are things — generally related to puppets or Don Quixote — that you won’t read anywhere else. But it does create a bit of a problem when I get quite personal. I don’t write to get a reaction. I write because that is what I do. It is the way that I think about things — the way that I process the world.

After being away from home for five days, I find that I am totally out of sorts. I’ve heard this about cats. They hate it when their worlds are upset. If you do so much as move the couch, they freak out. I feel that way. I hate for my routine to be upset. And it was many times this last week. First there was a day wasted driving. Then I had to work in an unfamiliar environment that worked okay — but not great. And then there was the drive back. And ever since, I’ve been filled with debilitating anxiety.

If I could wed this person I am today with the energetic and happy person I expect to soon be, that would be something: to take joy in the activities of life, even while knowing that it is pointless and that it does matter if I am here tomorrow to continue on with the happy pointlessness of life.

This morning, rather than work, I put on Calvary. When I first watched it, I wrote, Calvary and the Lost Art of Forgiveness. As you can tell from that review, I saw that film in a hopeful way. But this time, it seemed like an allegory of hell. I had noticed this originally, “If he isn’t killed with a bullet to the head, he will be killed with a thousand cuts.” The denouement seems like the greatest act of kindness in the film. The world is evil. It is not surprising that the early Christians would come up with the idea of original sin.

But where does that leave an atheist like myself? I don’t go in for the “thoughtless cynicism” of the townspeople. And I certainly don’t think that the murder of Father James in “Calvary” does a damned thing to fix the problem. Even more, if you look to the Bible, what happened to Judas Iscariot? By church tradition, he either killed himself or was otherwise killed gruesomely. It’s a contradiction, right? In order for Jesus to wash away our sins, he had to be murdered, but Christians hate Judas for facilitating their salvation. If I were a Christian, I would think it Judas who truly suffered (and continues to suffer) for our sins.

It’s all brain chemistry, of course. Whether we feel good or bad, it is just the chemicals swimming around our bodies. Some days I reflect that today would be a very bad day to die. That, I suppose is the illusion. Because those are the days that I want to get things done. Self-actualization is a happy delusion — one I hope to get back in the next couple of days. But I think the way I feel today is much more clear-eyed. I don’t want to die. I just don’t especially care. If I could wed this person I am today with the energetic and happy person I expect to soon be, that would be something: to take joy in the activities of life, even while knowing that it is pointless and that it doesn’t matter if I am here tomorrow to continue on with the happy pointlessness of life.

Why Not “Anti-Choice Terrorism”?

Carly FiorinaI’m half Portuguese. The other half is mongrel, but quite Irish. In fact, since my direct ancestors came from the Azores — you know there is a lot of breeding from the United Kingdom. You know how sailors are. But if people ask me what my ancestors were, I say Portuguese. That’s the most clear thing I am, and I have a Portuguese name, even though it really ought to be spelled, “Morais” (which I much prefer, not least of which because that is closer to the way it is pronounced).

But even with this tenuous relationship to my heritage, I still feel guilt about the Portuguese being really horrible imperialists. And when I first heard the story of Cheryl Araujo being raped by four Portuguese men, I felt ashamed. Again: I’m about as Portuguese as Bugs Bunny. But I still feel that connection — that identity — that makes me cringe when I hear of anyone Portuguese doing something wrong. As a result, I understand it when Christians feel the need to distance themselves for something horrible that other Christians do. But there is a secret weapon that I (and many other people) have against this: I don’t blame groups of people for things that individuals do.

Brian BeutlerThis issue came up in a very big way this last week when Robert Lewis Dear went on a shooting spree. Did he do it because Carly Fioria has been telling lies about Planned Parenthood and because Center for Medical Progress is in the business of stirring up confusion and fear? Does it matter? The truth is that if he did, he is just one of many who have done so specifically because of the anti-choice movement, which has a long history of referring to abortion as murder and putting out false propaganda to paint the whole process as though it were something out of a modern Frankenstein film.

Brian Beutler wrote a very good article about it yesterday, Conservatives’ Planned Parenthood Response: Who Are You Calling a Radical Terrorist? He went through the five stages of conservative reaction to the Dear shooting: denial, anger, bargaining, depression, and… denial again. Because it can’t be about them. It can’t be that going on national television and saying that at Planned Parenthood they force women to have late term abortions where the baby is alive, and then they keep it that way so they can “harvest its brain.” I tend to disagree, but I understand the desire to say, “It ain’t me, babe.”

And I would allow them to do just that. There is just this little problem with them being totally self-serving about it. These are, after all, the people who insist upon calling terrorism committed by Muslims as “Islamic terrorism.” In fact, it is such a big deal to them that they seem to think the only reason terrorism still exists is because Obama doesn’t use the exact words that they request. (But didn’t like those words either, not that it matters.) I don’t know about Christian, but clearly Dear’s act is part of the anti-choice movement. And I think there are tons of reasons to blame the movement itself — or at least parts of it. Anyone who has held up pictures of “aborted” fetuses (they are usually still born babies) is culpable in these crimes.

But we aren’t supposed to talk about “anti-choice terrorism.” If we did, we might have to start dealing with the problem here at home. We might even have to talk about easy access to guns. We might require a media that shows that the anti-choice propaganda is false. It would hard. Easy is going after a weak minority in the US, and calling for a halt to immigration, and carpet bombing far away nations. And we are America, so we always do what is easy — not what is right.

Morning Music: I Want You

Blood & ChocolateI’m sorry to say that today is rather a bad day. I don’t write these articles in order, so I know what’s coming. But I thought I would present you with a song to get you ready for it. It’s Elvis Costello’s “I Want You” off Blood & Chocolate. It is a supremely creepy song. I remember doing this. After a relationship ends, tormenting yourself over it.

I remember a woman I knew thought one line was wrong, “Did you call his name out as he held you down.” She thought it should be “as I held you down.” True, that has a certain power, but it totally misses the point of song: the imagination of just what the absent lover is doing. And yet, still you want her. You want to protect her; you want to kill her; you just want her.

I am very glad to be past those times. I have certain expectations of people in my life. I am disappointed and lonely at times. But no one has the kind of power over me that Costello sings about. And it may be the height of hubris to say that no one ever will have that kind of power over me again. It isn’t that it couldn’t happen. But I just would not let it happen. I don’t have that kind of trust in human nature. But you can all laugh heartily at me if I ever allow it to happen. And as you doubtless already know, I would write about it here first.

Anniversary Post: Enron

EnronOn this day in 2001, Enron filed for bankruptcy. I’m not that interested in it. What I am interested in is when I worked for Equilibrium at the beginning of 2001, and there were these constant rolling blackouts. This was in California. And there wasn’t enough electricity? I worked for the company during the winter months, so this couldn’t have had anything to do with actual energy consumption. I wasn’t paying too much attention. I was much more focused on how to make websites work with Netscape 4.7. But still: it was odd. I never remembered having to deal with that kind of thing before.

I’m sure that people who studied this kind of thing knew that it was just market manipulation. I’m sure that regulators understood what was going on. After all, this was the deregulated energy market. The private sector! It was supposed to be perfect. This was the libertarian utopia on a small scale! Who would ever think that it would end in total corruption?! And then after it all came to light, the libertarians explained that the problem was that it wasn’t a free enough market or it was because all markets weren’t free. Because that’s the way it works: as markets get less and less regulated, they get worse and worse. But then, at the very end, when they are completely free, there is a singularity and everything is perfect!

Remember this well all you liberals out there: the free market can never fail; it can only ever be failed.

California’s a Desert and Getting Worse

California DesertI came back home on Sunday. It took ten hours. There was a time when the trip to my sister’s took about six hours. It was just awful. A great deal of the trip was bumper to bumper. Part of it doubtless was that it was the end of the big holiday weekend. But that isn’t all. In the middle of California — where the only signs of civilization are little encampments that exist to serve I-5 — there was quite a lot of road work going on. I don’t know what it is for. Maybe they plan to run the train along it. The train itself strikes me as far too hopeful. California is dying.

For those of us on the northern coast of California, it is easy to forget that the state is pretty much a desert. As usual on the drive, we passed the turnoff for highway 14, which takes people to Lancaster and Palmdale. I know them both very well because I used to manage the IT for a real estate investment company that did all its work there. And though the names sound pleasant, they are two of the worst places on Earth. The only reason they aren’t dead last is because there is no active war going on. But that’s about the only thing you can say about them.

William Wisher wrote in the script, “EXT. ROADSIDE BURGER JOINT – HELL ON EARTH.” And location manager Steve Dawson said, “No problem! Lancaster!”

You’ve probably seen Lancaster. You definitely have if you’ve seen, Terminator 2: Judgment Day. Remember the scene where they are at this roadside hamburger joint. It’s incredibly dusty. It’s probably where they got the visual idea for hell in Constantine. It’s just awful. That was shot in Lancaster. I assume that they did it because it didn’t require any art direction. William Wisher wrote in the script, “EXT. ROADSIDE BURGER JOINT – HELL ON EARTH.” And location manager Steve Dawson said, “No problem! Lancaster!”

When I was down in southern California, my sister introduced me to a very nice couple. I started the conversation by noting that California was dying. They are both very liberal, but they seemed quite disturbed by this. And skeptical. How can you be skeptical about that? I think we might be making a mistake in calling our changing climate “global warming.” That is not at all the worst of it. The bigger problem is the global drying. That’s not true everywhere. Obviously, in a warmer world, there will be more rain. It is just that the vast majority of it will be over the oceans, which is useless to us.

But the main thing is that California is going to be like the vast majority of the earth’s land area: it’s going to get drier — a lot drier. And what this trip really brought home to me is just how dry California already is. And it isn’t just that we are in the middle of a drought. (Although you have to wonder if in ten years we won’t be looking back on the good years like 2014!) The whole idea of Los Angeles is a joke. Who ever thought that was a good idea?

But I was wondering about all the building in central California. No one thinks long term, I guess. We live in a nation where next quarter’s profits are all that matters. And I do get it: we still have maintain I-5 while it’s still in use. But what I saw was more than fixing potholes. (Which they ought to be doing more of, by the way.) They are moving the whole road around. I don’t know what’s up. But if I had the money, I’d be investing in Canada and Siberia. That’s where our futures will be centered.

Pro-Muslim Rhetoric Is the Perfect Wedding to Anti-Muslim Policy

Glenn GreenwaldGlenn Greenwald wrote a very interesting article, Let’s Not Whitewash George W Bush’s Actual, Heinous Record on Muslims in the US. He accepts that Bush was indeed good regarding his rhetoric after the 9/11 attacks. He warned against the people using this as an excuse for blaming Muslims or people from the Middle East for the attacks. It is a minor thing in an absolute sense. But looking around at the Republicans who are currently running for president, it is remarkable. And no similar appeals were made by FDR after the attack on Pearl Harbor. I’m reminded of the “I Am an American” photo.

At the same time, Bush really was terrible to the Muslim community — both here and abroad. It wasn’t just a matter of all his invasions, and things like Guantánamo and Abu Ghraib. He was terrible to Americans who just happened to be Muslim:

The reality is that, on US soil, he perpetrated a wide array of radical abuses aimed at Muslims in the wake of 9/11. In the weeks after the attack, more than 1,000 Muslims and Arabs were swept up by the FBI and detained without charge, often by abusing the powers allowing for detention of “material witnesses.” Thousands of Muslim immigrants were deported from the US in the months following the attack. Bush quickly and secretly implemented an illegal scheme of warrantless domestic eavesdropping aimed largely at Muslims.

Greenwald doesn’t discuss why that was. I suspect there were many aspects to it. Greenwald does touch on one: Muslims voted overwhelmingly for Bush in 2000. In fact, if Gore had received just one percentage point more of the Muslim vote in Florida, he would have won the state (and thus the presidency) even with the bad count. So part of Bush’s rhetoric was doubtless due to the wish to hang onto those votes. He didn’t succeed. Muslims voted overwhelmingly for Kerry in 2004. That was certainly a rational vote, regardless of how many mosques Bush visited.

Bush wanted to control the abuse of the American Muslim community. It certainly didn’t help the US fight any kind of “war on terror” when yahoos were out shooting up Sikh temples. In a nation that is deeply ignorant of everything that goes on outside its border, you can’t have people taking the law into their own hands. Sikhs, Hindus, Buddhists — they are all “foreign” and therefore “the people who hit us.” It isn’t just crazy white supremacists who don’t know the difference.

This takes us back again to World War II. There was much effort put into distinguishing between the Chinese (our allies) and the “Japs” (our enemy). Another aspect of this is that after the Pearl Harbor attack, the FDR administration floated the idea of concentration camps before they presented the policy. They wanted to know if the people would push back against the idea. When they didn’t, the government went ahead with its plans. Since Bush’s plans were not to publicly target Muslims, it made far more sense to make nice with the Muslim community.

The reason that American Muslims voted so strongly with Kerry in 2004 was the Patriot Act. There was nothing in it that was specific to Muslims. But it was and still is used that way. And it is much more broad than that. Does the FBI commonly find unstable white Christians, talk them into participating in a terrorist attack, and then arrest them? No. It’s just Muslims. The US government has it out for Muslims.

I don’t know if Bush’s nice rhetoric then or Obama’s nice rhetoric now is genuine, or just a way to convince non-Muslims that the government isn’t being unfair. But regardless, that is the kind of rhetoric that would be most useful to go along with the anti-Muslim policies that have been standard for the last 14 years.

Morning Music: Psycho

Almost BlueWhen I was in graduate school, a fellow student loaned me a copy of Almost Blue. I had avoided it because it was just an album of covers — and country covers at that. But I was blown away with how much I liked it. Some time later, I bought a re-issue of the album, that contained a whole bunch more songs. And there at number 18 was Costello’s version of Leon Payne’s song “Psycho.”

It is a perfect song. It tells a very compelling and complete story while maintaining the emotional core that all songs should have. It also has perhaps the best payoff line of any song I can think of. It reinforces the theme of the song while re-framing the plot. The interesting thing is that I have found no one covering the tune before Costello. He seems to have been alone in realizing what a great tune it is.

There is a live version (but I can’t embed it). So here is the album cut:

Anniversary Post: Rosa Parks

Rosa ParksIt was 60 years ago that Rosa Parks effectively started the modern Civil Rights Movement by refusing to give up her seat on a Montgomery, Alabama bus. Parks was not the first person to do this. Claudette Colvin had done the same thing in March of that year. But when it was discovered that she was 15 years old, pregnant, and unmarried, civil rights leaders decided not to use her as a test case. As we know today from incidents like the murder of Trayvon Martin, the first thing the power elite does is dig into the victim’s background. Regardless, Parks was hugely important in the Civil Rights Movement.

I did learn something interesting today. She was not originally sitting in a “white” seat. The bus became over-crowed, and so the driver simply assigned four “colored” seats to “white.” Parks was sitting in one of those four seats. She was arrested for violating a local segregation law, but she hadn’t actually broken it, given that she wasn’t sitting in a “white” seat.

What I find fascinating about this is how it shows what a sham segregation and “separate but equal” laws were. Here was a bug with seats for whites and blacks. But the moment there wasn’t enough seats for whites, the bus driver just took seats from the blacks. This couldn’t even be used as satire because it is too extreme. You might as well say, “Separate but equal”: 36 seats for whites and 0 seats for blacks!

It’s interesting to see that the bus is in the Henry Ford Museum. And that there are plaques and monuments to the event. But some (Most!) people will always be behind the curve. It doesn’t matter what it is. We love our old civil rights heroes (especially after they’re dead), but we hate our new civil rights heroes. We throw them in jail and applaud ourselves for our righteousness. But given enough time, we change our beliefs and claim we always thought that way. I don’t place myself above anyone else in this way. But a little self-recognition would be nice.