Personal Management

Science StudentI just watched D.A. Pennebaker’s documentary about Bob Dylan’s 1965 tour in the United Kingdom, Don’t Look Back. This was the second time I’ve seen it; the first time was about 30 years ago. What struck me most both times was the conversation between Dylan and the “science student.” During this conversation, Dylan seems to be teasing the young man who is surprisingly open about his feelings. For example, the student mentions that when he interviews musicians (he writes about music for his college newspaper), they don’t want to know him. Dylan responds with something like, “Have you ever asked yourself why?” It sounds worse on paper than it does in the movie, because I certainly get the impression that Dylan kind of likes of kid. Anyway, the student is not easily taken down. He responds that he knows it has nothing to do with him because these people don’t want to know him even before he appears.

What most strikes me about this scene is how the young student is so open about his feelings and about who he is. Dylan comes off looking the cool hipster he is, but the kid comes off looking real in a way that few of us ever attain. Even at this late stage in my life, I’m not sure I am capable of being this honest to my closest friends. I don’t think that speaks so poorly of me so much as it speaks really well of the kid.

It turns out that this science student—he graduated from the University of Newcastle with degrees (?) in math and metallurgy—is Terry Ellis, a man whose name is not associated with science except in relation to Don’t Look Back. After college he started booking concerts and eventually started managing groups. With Chris Wright, he founded Chrysalis Records. He stayed with the company until the mid-1980s, after which he founded another highly successful (but short-lived) label Imago Records. He is most associated with the band Jethro Tull. In addition to discovering and signing the band, Ellis co-produced five of their albums. It may be just a coincidence, but they are the best Jethro Tull albums—the only ones really worth listening to. When Ian Anderson was left to produce alone—early on, but especially later—his natural, but limited, intellectualism was generally fatal.

Ellis has had a great ear for new talent. He was the first to sign Pat Benatar. He signed Aimee Mann, when she was considered poison after the break-up of ‘Til Tuesday. And there are many others: Huey Lewis and the News (when they were still Huey Lewis and the American Express), Blondie, Baby Animals, and many more.[1]

What I think has been most important about Terry Ellis the musical genius is not the ear and eye he has for talent; it is his personal commitment to the artists he’s believed in. He was most definitely an old-fashioned manager who worked closely with his artists. In this regard, he wasn’t always successful. The band Clouds clearly suffered due to Ellis’ preoccupation with Jethro Tull.[2] So in the surprisingly open science student in Don’t Look Back we see all we need to about the remarkable and successful career path that Terry Ellis would go on to follow.


[1] I could name lots more: Ten Years After (little), Procol Harum (little), Robin Trower (little), David Bowie (almost none), Leo Sayer (little), Spandau Ballet (much), Steeleye Span (much). However, the extent of Ellis’ involvement with these acts is unclear. There isn’t a lot of historical information about him.

[2] If you doubt me that the world would be a better place had Ellis spent more time with Clouds, have a listen to the first single Clouds ever produced. Even if you don’t doubt: listen.

Racist Spam? Political Satire? Or Party Time in Newquay?

Andrea’s recent post, which was just a reprint of a Dilbert Cartoon, got a bizarre comment that had a link for Stag Weekends in Newquay (a seaside community on the southwest tip of the United Kingdom).

This again comes down to racial identity. McCain can be trusted; Obama cannot. The white man can be trusted, even when his words and deeds show otherwise; the black man is clearly a Manchurian Candidate waiting to ambush this country and its poor plumbers.

Racist spam? No. Political satire. It was inappropriate for the post, so I deleted it, but not before Andrea was responding to it.

What are you talking about?! There’s nothing “racial” or even vaguely political about this comic — it’s a simple (and silly) comment about human nature. Get a grip.

It must be hard to focus on reading when you are surrounded by all the stag pleasures of Newquay.

Police Myths

Well-Trained PoliceAfter Friday’s police spraying of non-violent protesters at U.C. Davis, I—like any reasonable person—am very angry and sad. Right now, I’d like to talk about part of my anger: the firestorm of apologia for the police. Only the most evil of people are defending the specific police and their actions. You know, people like Bill O’Reilly. (Even Megyn Kelly seems to be reticent to go that far, even if, you know, pepper spray is “a food product, essentially.”) But even people I normally agree with—for example, Ed Schultz—are going out of their way to protect police, even though they deserve no such thing. Have not the police all along done exactly what the installed powers have asked of them? Have they ever, with the one exception discussed below, broken with the Nuremberg defense of just following orders regardless of how heinous the orders they are following?

Below are four police myths that I am getting tired of hearing. These are evil people, doing evil work, for even more evil people. And if there are police out there who don’t like my characterization, I suggest they start refusing some of these orders. The reckoning is coming. And if they think the 1% will hesitate to throw them under the bus at the first sign of trouble, then they are even stupider than the IQ tests they must fail to join the force would indicate.

Police need to be better trained.

Police are trained very well. They don’t beat up protesters and pepper spray them because they aren’t well trained. They do it because they are extremely well trained.

Police are part of the 99%.

Police are paid the same as the 99%, but they are part of the protective services of the 1%. You wouldn’t say that the Praetorian Guard were normal Roman citizens. They were what allowed the generally abusive Roman Empire to continue on for so long. The police allow the existing unjust system to continue on. They are leaches of the 1%. They are not the 99%.

Most cops are good.

Again: the ones performing the vile acts are just the ones performing the vile acts. Modern management philosophy holds that you make all workers as interchangeable as possible. The reason the police at the protests in Wisconsin didn’t turn violent was that they saw their fellow off-duty police friends there. If they hadn’t, those protesters would have been victims of the same kind of violence that all the other protesters are receiving.

Police are just like the rest of us.

Perhaps the funniest line I have ever heard (and I have heard it many times from many different people), is the answer to the question, “Why did you go into law enforcement?” The answer: “Because I want to help people.” I used to hear this same line from pre-med students; they too just wanted to help people; the fact that their chosen profession was very lucrative had nothing to do with it. People become police—in all its varied forms—because they are naturally rule-oriented thinkers. They are the kind of people who really do need the idea of a god to behave properly. People who just want to help others become ministers and social workers and even nurses. They don’t become cops or soldiers. And those who do what may be necessary work (I don’t think so, but most people do) are not just like the rest of us.

I would be happy to take back all that I have said, just as soon as I start seeing active duty police pushing back against their orders to brutalize peaceful protesters. I have no expectation of seeing this, however. In the almost five decades of my life, I have rarely seen police act like anything but the evil automatons we are daily witnessing.

A Musical Confession

Madama ButterflyMost people I talk to tell me that they like all styles of music. Sometimes they will admit to a particular style they dislike, especially Country or Heavy Metal. Such statements have always amused me, because I know these people are fooling themselves—not that I shatter their illusions. My experience with people’s actions rather than their words is that they listen almost exclusively to one kind of music and they put up with a lot of other things.

The music you like is the stuff you put on when you are at home when no one else is around to please or impress. If you really will put on Madama Butterfly today, Judas Priest tomorrow, Russian Balalaika quartets the next, and traditional Biwa accompanied Japanese folk tales the last, then you really do like all styles of music. But if you don’t, then you don’t.

I have always thought—opposed to the pretenders around me—that I really did like all styles of music. That, however, is just as much a delusion as that of others who are desperately hooked on a single style of music. In general, I do have eclectic taste. I will listen to Gregorian Chants, followed by Black Flag, followed by Merle Haggard, followed by John Coltrane. I even like good Hip Hop, but given the overwhelming quantity of dreck, I am most likely to settle for very old stuff like Gil Scott-Heron, rather than bother to learn the modern artists, 95% of whom are simply not interesting. But that’s the thing: I like all styles of western music. I have little patience for most non-western music. If it uses the western twelve tone octave, I’m fine. Anything else, I don’t get. I can tell it is music; I can appreciate the rhythms; but the melodies and harmonies are maddening.

So no, I don’t like all styles of music. And I’m fine with that.

Up with Chris Hayes

As you probably know, I am very fond of The Nation editor Chris Hayes (even if I am less and less pleased with the magazine itself). Thus, I was excited to check out his new MSNBC show. He is an amazing man. He seems to know everything that is going on in politics, even little obscure things. When I listen to Rachel Maddow or Lawrence O’Donnell, I am impressed with them, but they rarely know anything I don’t. That was not the case a few times during last weekend’s Up with Chris Hayes. Here he is destroying James Poulos, who is apparently pushing the same thoroughly discredited Republican talking point that Fannie May and Freddie Mac caused the housing bubble.[1]:

Visit msnbc.com for breaking news, world news, and news about the economy

Another great thing about the show is that it is unabashedly liberal. Unlike pretty much all other political shows where a panel will consist of three conservatives and one centrist Democrat (or rarely an actual liberal), this show has three liberals and one conservative. Who would have thought? Of course, everyone will say that Up is a liberal show, but never say that This Week (to name one show at random) is conservative. We’ll see how long Up with Chris Hayes stays on the air in its current form.

Check out the show online. Currently it provides whole hours without commercial interuption.


[1] Poulos seems like a smart guy, and yet he is a conservative. I still don’t understand how anyone other than the super rich (and not even them) can be conservative. All I can think is that they misunderstand what their true interests are because everyone tends to do better under Democratic administrations. Undoubtedly, it has a lot to do with Upton Sinclair’s idea, “It is difficult to get a man to understand something, when his salary depends upon his not understanding it.”

Politicians Bored with Politics

Cain-PalinAll the excitement over Herman Cain not knowing what has been going on about Libby did not surprise me. It reminded me of Sarah Palin in the 2008 presidential election when she was asked to name a Supreme Court ruling other than Roe V. Wade. It has been some time since I have been surprised by an individual politician doing such a thing—particularly a conservative politician.

What does surprise me is the general phenomenon. Why do people who are obviously far less interested in politics than I am go into politics? Above we have two examples of nationally known politicians who don’t know the answers to political questions that would be easy for a wide swath of Americans with no political ambitions. This must indicate that we have the wrong incentives. We don’t see professional basketball players who have no interest in basketball.

Could it be that politics isn’t about politics, but rather just power?

The Ultimate Question

Aasif Mandvi is one of my favorite people on The Daily Show. Plus, he has rapidly growing jowls. Sure, they’re not too big yet, but just wait. At the rate he’s going, he’ll look worse than I do in two years. Anyway, jowls aside, he has the best scene in the charming romantic comedy Ghost Town.

Now I’ve Written to Senator Feinstein

I was much nicer when I wrote to Senator Boxer—because she isn’t such a schmuck.

Hi-

The deal that looks to be emerging from the Super Committee looks to be very bad. I am determined not to vote for anyone who votes to cut social safety net programs—regardless of how much in tax increases the Republicans agree to. In my experience, all tax increases do is increase my taxes while lowering those of the rich. But I don’t care! No deal is good enough. Any such deal is a loser for Democrats. As it is, Democrats seem to be going for the brand of “Not as bad as the Republicans!” That’s not a good brand!

Tax the rich, by all means. But don’t cut our safety net programs.

Thank you.

-Frank

That Mitchell and Webb Look Get Serious

That Mitchell and Webb LookIt came as a great gift that when I went to check out some old episodes of That Mitchell and Webb Look on Netflix, I found that a new season (series?) was available. Like the glutton I am, I sat down and watched all six episodes. What a delight these guys are. The show compares so well to American comedy. The primary reason I don’t watch Saturday Night Live, for example, is that the skits rarely go anywhere. A skit will have a (hopefully) funny idea, riff on it, and then end abruptly. In comparison, That Mitchell and Webb Look generally have skits that do go somewhere and provide a payoff.[1]

A good example of their writing is found in one of their skits from the first episode of Season 4. It is a film set and an actress is giving an emotional performance. The actor playing opposite her is supposed to respond with the words, “I don’t know what you want any more.” But instead of matching her level of emotion, he mumbles the line. The director calls cut and then they riff on it a bit. The director tries to get the actor to emote (or even just speak the line properly), but all the actor can do is mumble the line in a different way. If this were an SNL skit, that’s where it would end. Here, the director continues to work with the actor. Finally, the director gives up and decides to cut the line. The actor is upset. “Mike!” he says. “I’m doing my best! I really am! It’s just…” Followed immediately by the mumbled, “I don’t know what you want any more.” The skit is hysterical and fulfilling.

Mitchell and Webb are good about retiring skits before they get old. In some cases, I’m glad to see them go. Numberwang—the unfathomably complex numbers game—never really worked for me fully. Maybe this is because I don’t have enough experience with British television. Two skits I do miss disappeared rather suddenly: The Surprising Adventures of Sir Digby Chicken Caesar—a drunken and most likely psychotic homeless man and his sidekick Ginger—and Ted and Peter—the alcoholic commentators on televised snooker matches, a pool game I had never heard of before. Of course, they have all been replaced with, if anything, better skits like The Quiz Broadcast—a post-appocolypic quiz show that takes place after some unspeakable “event.”[2]

What really caught my attention in Season 4, however, was a bit they started in Episode 5 that was paid off in Episode 6. In the middle of Episode 5, Mitchell was telling Webb about having finally seen all the Black Adder shows. He says that he thinks they screwed up the ending of Black Adder Goes Forth. For those who don’t know it, this show takes place in the trenches of World War I, and it ends very poignantly with all the men going over the top and being shot to pieces. So the joke is that Mitchell thinks this is just a joke that bombed. Amusing. Then they get to talking about how they need to end their show with “something tacked-on and mawkish.” They continue later in the show discussing ways they can end the show in this way. While thinking about it, they go to get some tea. But it’s not ready! It will take 5 minutes! They are devastated—in slow motion just like in Black Adder Goes Forth. Brilliant.

But that’s not the end. They finally decide that the way to end the show is to kill off their cast member, James. There is a montage of things James has been in before with the text, “James Bachmann: 1972-2010.” Then, it cuts to a room with a woodchipper. Two feet stick out of it with the words, “Tragically got put into a woodchipper for narrative reasons.” Brilliant.

But that’s not the end. Okay. It is the end of that episode. But then they end Episode 6 (the season finale) with a funny skit about an old Sherlock Holmes that ends poignantly and uncomfortably and in no way funny.[3] Holmes is in a rest home with dementia. They go a long way with the comedy of a once brilliant man who is now a babbling fool, while Watson tries to cover and preserve Homes’ former image of himself. And then, it stops on a dime. Holmes looks at Watson seriously and says, “I know, John. I do know. I can’t get the fog to clear.” Watson is speechless. Devastated. Then Holmes looks pained and calls out for the nurse. She comes in and checks him. “Oh, dear. It looks like a two pipe problem. Let’s get you cleaned up.” This last bit is not cheap scatological humor. There is no laugh track here. It is deadly serious. Sad. Brilliant.


[1] A Bit of Fry and Laurie is equally good. Or a little better. Or a little worse. But definitely of similar quality.

[2] I believe they started The Quiz Broadcast in Season 3. It was definitely before Season 4, but it definitely comes into its all in Season 4.

[3] Yes. In that sentence “funny” is an adverb. Don’t ever let me hear you use the word “funnily”!

I Guess We’ll Have to Come Up with Some Other Way to Survive an Anaconda Attack

Anaconda

The following supposedly comes from a Peace Corps manual, but if it does, we are in serious trouble.

  1. Do not run. The snake is faster than you are.
  2. Lie flat on the ground, put your arms tight against your sides and your legs tight against each other.
  3. Tuck your chin in.
  4. The snake will being to nudge and climb over your body.
  5. Do not panic.
  6. The snake will begin to swallow your feet first.
  7. You must lie perfectly still. This will take a long time.
  8. When the snake has reached your knees, reach down, take your knife, slide it into the side of the snake’s mouth between the edge of its mouth and your leg. Quickly rip upward, severing the snake’s head.
  9. Be sure you have your knife.
  10. Be sure your knife is sharp

This is great fun. The best part is the information that the snake is faster than we are. Who ever knew that slithering was such an efficient means of travel? “In this lane: Usain Bolt; and in this lane, any freaking anaconda you might run into”? That was a terrifying thought. But also, somehow, wonderfully funny. Then there is the whole step number five: do not panic! That kind of goes along with all the steps, right? If I were to write a list of what I would do, it would be something like this: 1. Panic; 2. Wet your pants; 3. Scream; 4. Repeat as needed. Of course, what’s most funny are numbers nine and ten: the “Oh! By the way!” steps. There really should be an eleventh step, “Don’t wait until an anaconda attacks to read this.”

I Smell a Rat Swallowed by a Snake

Something about this list did not seem quite right. True, on reading it, I immediately decided never to visit the Amazon. But the rest, although hilarious, seemed questionable. Sure, the basic idea seemed good: wait until the snake is helpless and kill it. That’s advice we can all use in all aspects of our lives, not just our run-ins with 20 foot long snakes. But other things? “The snake will nudge and climb over your body”? What is it? A squirrel? An average adult anaconda weighs about 350 pounds. Okay, maybe. And what is that about lying perfectly still? Is this to trick the snake into thinking we are dead? Because if that’s the case, I have this feeling it wouldn’t eat us. Most animals don’t dig on eating dead animals that they find lying around. It’s kind of like us picking up a discarded bag of chips off the road and eating what remains inside. Sure, some people do it; but its not our MO.

A little research goes a long way. In this case, it proves that this recipe for surviving an anaconda attack is complete bunk. Even if everything else where true, this technique would not work. The problem is that all snakes swallow their prey headfirst. “Wait until the snake has swallowed you up to your shoulders”? I don’t think so—especially if it “will take a long time”!

But there is good news! Anacondas are not faster than we are. Not even close. They aren’t even faster when we are on crutches. Anacondas have a maximum speed of about 1 mile per hour. That’s about a third of our walking speed. So yeah, it would be hard to crawl away from an anaconda. My recommendation is that you not try to get away from an anaconda by crawling.

Another reason not to worry: there seems to be no known case of an anaconda ever eating an adult human. Yes, they have occasionally killed humans. But they don’t eat us. This is generally true of wild animals. Humans are too bony and don’t have enough fat. That’s right, they’re just like us: they want creme brulee and we taste like broccoli.

Lonely Shoes

I hate artificial uselessness.

Yesterday, I was walking down the street and I passed by this shoe:

<%image(20111113-shoe.jpg|450|371|Lonely Shoe)%>

I would not normally take a picture of a shoe. Smaller objects, I will often pick up and hold onto for a while. I have no idea why. But shoes are too big, too personal. So normally, I note them and move on. Yesterday, however, several paces past the athletic shoe, I came upon a thong:[1]

<%image(20111113-thong.jpg|450|345|Lonely Thong)%>

I present these lonely shoes to you because they really bug me. I have no problem with junk: half a remote control, a cracked PEZ dispenser, a crushed Hot Wheel. Certainly, I wonder how these things ended up on the road.[2] These are trash. But what of the lonely shoes? Look at the athletic shoe in the picture above. It is in fine shape. But it is useless. I can’t help but imagine that somewhere else there is a matching perfectly good shoe. Also now useless.

I hate waste like this. We are none of us useless just because we no longer have a match.


[1] Just watch. Now I will get all kinds of porn spam on this page.

[2] This is why the opening of Breaking Bad is so great. How does a pair of pants end up on a country road? We’d all like to think that the random objects we see each have such interesting stories.