Apologetics of the Rich Hold Us Back

The Millionaire Next DoorAt my day job, I’ve been working on a number of articles that were left by writers in various states of unacceptability. Some of them only required what I would loosely call editing. I turned one into a new article. And there were a few that were just hopeless. One was an article I’ve seen so many times before, I don’t understand why the writer thought it was worth revisiting: what rich people do differently from poor people. The implication of these kinds of articles is always the same: if you act like rich people, you’ll become rich yourself!

It’s nonsense. But there’s a reason why it has become something of a genre: the rich and their apologists really want to argue that there is some good reason for people to be wealthy. We supposedly live in a meritocracy, after all. So it just can’t be allowed for people to think that wealth is largely a matter of dumb luck. But of course, it is. Even if you grant the idea of meritocracy, why is it that one person is born smart and another dumb? And you can say the same thing about every other human attribute that a price can be put on.

The article I was dealing with was based on the book, The Millionaire Next Door: The Surprising Secrets of America’s Wealthy. What it said was that we have the wrong idea about millionaires. The typical millionaire was just your unassuming neighbor who saved money and invested it in the stock market. There was just one major problem with the book: it was wrong. It’s true that there were such millionaires. But as Nassim Nicholas Taleb documented completely in Fooled by Randomness, that was due to the fact that the book came out in 1996 — the end of the longest bull market in US history. In other words, the timing was perfect to find such millionaires. What’s more, there was survivor bias.

So I went looking for a couple of articles that would push back against this narrative. I was still hoping that I might be able to save the article. I disagree with a lot of the stuff I work on; I would still publish this article if I could make it good and more or less true. But what I found made me abandon all hope. The first was an article by Matt Bruenig, In Reality, the Wealthy Inherit Ungodly Sums of Money. A lot of people try to make the argument that the rich don’t inherit that much of their wealth. And so they will show that the poor inherit almost all of their wealth whereas the rich only inherit about 15% of theirs. It’s pretty obvious what’s happening: the poor live hand to mouth and have almost no wealth. Looking at the problem that way is disingenuous.

But Bruenig makes a wider point that I’ve been making for years: what the rich give their children in terms of cash really doesn’t matter. That isn’t the major inheritance that they get. Bruenig noted, “They also pass along social and cultural capital that help their kids capture the scarce supply of highly-paid jobs. Indeed, even rich kids who do not receive a college degree are 2.5 times more likely to wind up as high-income adults than poor kids who do receive a college degree.”

Probably an even bigger myth that is pushed about the rich is that they work harder than the poor. Sean McElwee addressed this issue, Do The Rich Really Work More Than the Poor? To the extent that it is true, it is because the the poor can’t find work. There are a lot of details about that in the article. But I think the more important point on this is that the rich have more fulfilling jobs. As McElwee put it, “The rich are working slightly more hours, but the real story is the dramatic increase in the hours by the poor and middle-class that are not corresponding with higher wages. And these hours are not of the same quality; they are more satisfying and less stressful.”

But you could just watch Chris Rock discuss how a “career” is different from a “job”:

What’s interesting is that the writer of this article I was working on is, based upon his other work, really liberal. But he really bought into this nonsense. And I don’t think he’s alone. This is one of those hidden systems of control. We continue on with our broken neo-feudal system, because most people think the rich really do deserve their wealth. But there really is no evidence of that.

Many Faces of Republican Global Warming Denial

Global WarmingNPR put together a very useful table, Where Presidential Candidates Stand On Climate Change. What I find most interesting about it is that there aren’t that many Republican candidates who reject global warming outright. There are only four who absolutely reject it: Ben Carson, Mike Huckabee, Rick Santorum, and Donald Trump. The table claims that Ted Cruz’s position on global warming is “complicated.” But that’s not really true. At least as a presidential candidate, he’s full-tilt global warming denial.

But if you drill down further, you see that actually no one in the Republican field believes in global warming. It really comes down to the Three Stages of Global Warming Denial. It’s pretty hard to say that there is no global warming and not come off as a complete idiot. Just look at the list above. Two more candidates believe global warming is real but not caused by humans: Rand Paul and Marco Rubio. I actually think this is an even worse position to hold. It says that global warming is happening but we have no idea why. It doesn’t make much sense. But this is stage two.

But if you look at people who are willing to do something about global warming, that leaves only two. First there is Lindsey Graham, who has not put forward any plan, which shows just how important he thinks it is. And then there is Bobby Jindal. He has put forward a plan, but it is primarily to make things far worse:

Jindal has unveiled a detailed plan that would repeal the Obama administration’s power plant proposal and try to overturn the 2007 Supreme Court decision providing a basis for regulating greenhouse gases. Instead, he proposes small-scale changes such as better managing national forests to prevent wildfires and improving airlines’ fuel efficiency through better air traffic control.

But note that neither of these guys is a top tier candidate. In fact, Jindal isn’t even running anymore. If you look at the top tier, there are only three candidates who have ever called for anything at all to be done about global warming: Jeb Bush, Chris Christie, and John Kasich. I don’t think any of them have been willing to say that during the course of the campaign. It’s sad. If one of them actually came out with a plan, it would be a typical Republican plan like Jindal’s that would make the situation worse.

It’s also interesting to note that every one of the Republicans is in favor of the Keystone XL pipeline. I’ll admit that in the grand scheme of things, that isn’t a terribly important issue. But if you think global warming is a problem, you can’t be for the pipeline.

Meanwhile, all three of the Democratic candidates have actual plans to combat global warming. We don’t even have to discuss whether or not they believe in it. Of course, I suppose the Republicans could argue that they do have a big tent. The Democrats all believe the same thing (also known as the truth). The Republicans are all over the place in their denial. But it is important to remember that. What we are seeing with the Republicans is what we saw at the end of Terminator 2 where the T-1000 is trying various forms to survive. The Republicans are trying to find a winning strategy for avoiding doing anything about global warming.

Morning Music: Home to My Emily

The Bob Newhart ShowProbably the first time I noticed that you could do interesting things with jazz arrangements was while watching The Bob Newhart Show in syndication. The song is called, “Home to My Emily.” I still love those kinds of Don Sebesky horn arrangements. Not that he has anything to do with The Bob Newhart Show them. And I have to admit that the song doesn’t quite do what it used to for me.

It was written by the show’s co-creator Lorenzo Music along with his wife, Henrietta Music. He is probably best known as the voice of Carlton the doorman on Rhoda. He was also apparently the voice of the lead character on Garfield. I never saw it. But Garfield does stand out in my mind as a push back to the trend in comics of the time, which was to actually be funny.

Anyway, here’s the theme song. It’s not bad:

Anniversary Post: Planck’s Law

Max PlanckOn this day in 1900, Max Planck presented his derivation of black-body radiation. This followed off the ultraviolet catastrophe. According to classical physics, if you were to heat iron up to higher and higher temperatures, it should radiate light at higher and higher frequencies. But it doesn’t. Instead, it radiates according what we now call Planck’s law.

What Planck found was that energy was quantized. We tend to think of energy as a continuum. But it is actually made up of little packets that are equal to the frequency of the energy times the Planck constant. Based upon this, Planck was able to derive the black-body radiation function.

What still boggles my mind is that Planck could develop all this stuff and yet never accept quantum mechanics. He never even accepted Einstein’s work on the photoelectric effect, even though it is little more than an application of what Planck did. Some day I will have to read a biography about Planck and try to figure this out. He must have had his reasons.

Shocker: Man Quits Drinking, Spends Less Drinking

People DrinkingTechnically, I’m pretty poor. But I don’t think of myself that way. I’m able to do what I want. It’s just that I’m really lucky to be focused on things that cost little money. I understand that other people have greater needs. But it annoys me when I see people making a big deal out of what they’ve come to think of as necessities of their lives. This is what I thought when I read an article by Tobias van Schneider, I Had No Alcohol and No Coffee for 15 Months and This Is What Happened. What happened is that he saved a thousand bucks a month.

That comes to roughly $33 per day. According to van Schneider, “Some might think that this is heavy alcoholism, but trust me when I say that having 1-2 drinks everyday in New York is more than normal.” I guess he means that his drinking more than 1-2 drinks is more than normal for him. And it isn’t the drinking that really costs the the money, “Going out drinking means that the occasional dinner & snacks are more frequent.” I see it: a drink or two, some beer-battered onion rings, and a couple of expensive Starbucks coffees a day and you easily get to a thousand bucks a month.

Van Schneider also noted that the second thing that happened was, “Less gossip.” What he means is that he socializes less. So what really happened was that he cut a big part of his social life away. Before, he had a thousand dollars a month that he spent on entertainment, and now he doesn’t. That’s fine. How ever he wants to focus his life is his business. But it isn’t really about coffee and alcohol, is it? It’s about a certain notion he had of his lifestyle.

My lifestyle is what most people would consider pathetic, but it is more or less the one that I want. Each day, I drink upwards of three cups of tea. I usually drink Trader Joe’s Irish breakfast tea. It comes in boxes of 80 bags for $2.99. That about 4¢ per bag, or 12¢ per day. Then, when I’m feeling flush, I buy beer. Right now, because it is in season, I’m drinking Lagunitas Brown Shugga’. It’s about $10 for a six-pack, and over $11 once tax and CRV is paid for. So let’s say it is two dollars a bottle. I drink a bottle a night — religiously. (Well, sometimes I forget; I’m not naturally religious.) If a friend stops by, I will give them a beer. That is rare. But even if it weren’t, my entertainment budget comes out to perhaps $100 per month.

I don’t point this out because I think I’m superior to van Schneider. But it’s ridiculous to say that cutting out alcohol and coffee saved you a thousand bucks a month. And that was what he led with. I would say the main thing he really got from the experience was this, “It made me realize how many friendships are actually based mostly on your drinking habits.” Yes. Most of your relationships really aren’t any more deep than that. Friendship is an art, and very few people practice it.

But other than that, the whole thing reeks of privilege. It comes off as a rich man saying, “I can’t believe how much money I saved since I cut out caviar and champagne!” Yeah. It’s funny how when you stop spending money on expensive stuff you, well, stop spending money on expensive stuff. It’s right up there with, “I’ve lost weight since I started eating less and exercising more.” And, “I feel better since I stopped banging my head with a wooden mallet.

Kentuckians Don’t Want Governor to Do What He Said He Would Do

Matt BevinOn Friday, Abby Goodnough wrote a very informative article at The New York Times, Poll Finds Kentuckians Split With Governor Matt Bevin on Expanded Medicaid. You may remember that just over a month ago, Bevin was elected governor of Kentucky by almost 9 percentage points. Of all the Republicans who ran, he was the most clear: the Medicaid expansion had to go. Here is a quote from last February before the election, “Absolutely. No question about it. I would reverse that immediately.” That seems clear enough.

Of course, as the election went on, it became muddled. According to Sam Youngman at Lexington Herald-Leader just a month before the election, “At last week’s Centre College debate, it was far from clear whether Bevin knew the difference between Medicaid, the health insurance program for low-income and disabled residents, and Medicare, the health insurance program for people 65 and older.” To me, this is really telling. We liberals talk a lot about how Republican voters are ill informed. People who consume conservative media tend to believe things that just aren’t true. But the truth is that Republican politicians (especially over the last couple of decades) are that way too. They’re just mad as hell and they’re not going to take it anymore. “It” in that sentence is nothing very concrete except their vague feeling that something ain’t right.

“Absolutely. No question about it. I would reverse that immediately.” —Matt Bevin

More important, however, Bevin’s position depended upon the circumstances. By July, he said it was “an absolute lie” that he ever said he would reverse the Medicaid expansion on the first day. In August, he was pushing for a complete reversal in a fundraising letter. For readers of this site, it is probably obvious that Bevin’s July statement is disingenuous. So he wouldn’t reverse the program on the first day? That just leaves every other day of the remainder of his term. And true to his word, as I write this on the fifth day of his term, he has not done anything official to the program.

The poll found that over 70% of Kentuckians who have an opinion on the Medicaid expansion want it kept the same. I’m sure that on many other issues the vast majority of Kentuckians are similarly at odds with the governor they just elected by a huge margin. I have to admit, this still annoys me. There really isn’t a bait-and-switch going on here. The people of Kentucky knew who they were voting for. Or to put it more accurately: the people of Kentucky knew who they were “not voting” for.

The same poll found that while 54% of Republicans wanted to keep the Medicaid expansion, only 43% who voted for Bevin (and I assume that pretty much means those who voted at all) want to keep it. I suspect that Bevin’s best political move would be to cut the Medicaid expansion. It really doesn’t matter what the people of Kentucky think; it matters what the voters of Kentucky think. Given that Kentucky holds its gubernatorial elections in off-off-years, he can depend upon a very conservative electorate. He’s for more likely to lose the primary because he did what the people want than he is to lose the general because he did not.

What it looks like he’s going to do is change the program so that the poor have “skin in the game.” He’ll probably also cut it back so that fewer people get it. These are both bad ideas. They reflect the usual conservative hatred of everyone who you don’t know. (Remember Rob Portman deciding that gay rights were a matter of liberty as soon as he found out that his son was gay? That sums up conservatives completely.) But Kentuckians should count themselves lucky. Like most politicians, Bevin was very clear who he is and how he would govern.

People love to quote Benjamin Franklin, “A republic — if you can keep it.” They usually quote it as if keeping the Republic would require some kind of herculean effort. Who would have thought we would lose our republic just because people couldn’t bother voting?

Morning Music: Hill Street Blues

Hill Street BluesFor this week, I thought we would do television show theme songs that I admire. But not just any. I want to features songs that are of a distinct type. But I don’t have a name for it. They are, roughly speaking, jazz instrumentals. These are often some of the most memorable songs. Usually, they are well written, but it is mostly because we hear them so much.

Probably the most well known practitioner of this kind of art is Mike Post, who wrote the music for pretty much every show you can think of from the early 1980s. I may come back to him later this week. He’s actually not one of the my favorites, but he seemed like a good person to start with. And the show I picked is Hill Street Blues. Now this is an interesting show. My friend Will loved it. But I have never seen it. It must be good, though; it is where David Milch got his start (he wrote a very large number of the episodes).

Anyway, here it is:

Anniversary Post: Saddam Hussein Capture

Saddam Hussein CapturedOn this day in 2003, Saddam Hussein was captured by American forces in a hole on a farm near Tikrit. I’ve always felt a bit sad for the man. Sure, he was a horrible despot. But he really did play by the despot rules. He had managed his power with a great deal of thuggish intelligence. And then he gets invaded for what?! I’m still not clear on it.

And the Persian Gulf War: what was up with that? Here’s the thing: the United States had supported him while he did all kinds of terrible things. And then, suddenly, it decided that it wasn’t going to support him. It amazes me that people like King Abdullah trust us. We really aren’t good allies. Personally, I would prefer if we actually did stand for democracy and all the other nice things we claim to. But we don’t. Is it asking so much to have a bit of consistency?

Of course, there is consistency. It is just that it isn’t of action, but of motivation. We do whatever is in our best interest at any time. We are not loyal to anyone. In other words, as countries go, we are a psychopath. Saddam Hussein never seemed to realize this. Before the invasion, he thought we were just bluffing. He was right that it made no sense in the grand scheme of things. (That’s another thing about us: we are sometimes led by complete idiots.) What can I say, it’s hard out there for a pimp; but it’s much worse for a despot.

Taking a Second Look at Brazil

BrazilIn 1985, I saw Brazil in the theater. Mostly, it didn’t affect me greatly one way or another. And then we came to the end, and I hated it. I was a big fan of Orwell’s Nineteen Eighty-Four. And just the year before, Michael Radford had made what I still consider one of the greatest film adaptations of a book ever. It really was a perfect rendering of what I had imagined while reading it. What’s more, it showed the perfection of totalitarian efforts — where you couldn’t even die to escape it. Thus, I saw the ending of Brazil as a cheap attempt to create a happy ending.

That has been my position ever since. But recently, I began to wonder about that. Part of this is just a function of my cooling off to the book. I still think it is great, but very clearly, totalitarian regimes have never perfected their art. It is rather “free” societies that have managed to break the wills of we Winstons without anything so extreme as Room 101. What’s more, I always knew there was a loophole in the novel. O’Brien tells Winston that sometimes the Ministry screws up and the victim dies — although it is not clear whether he is just saying this as part of the process.

Regardless, I decided to watch Brazil again. It certainly is a great film. But I can see why I wasn’t enthused at the time. I didn’t appreciate Terry Gilliam’s visual style when I was younger. The obsession with plastic surgery and ducts freaked out little Frank. But mostly, I was way too serious when I was that age. I think the idea of laughing my way through Nineteen Eighty-Four was offensive. As with so much about life as I have found it, these are the elements that I most like now.

In general, I think that Gilliam is too much of a visual artist to do comedy. Yet it works perfectly here. The first two acts are filled with very funny scenes. The third act is not, but that’s hardly unusual for a comedy. And Jonathan Pryce is just so likable in the film, I found myself totally absorbed — and delighted. That’s not to say everything is perfect. In particular, much more could have been done with Kim Greist as Jill Layton. (Maybe they could have brought in a female scriptwriter?) In fact, this is one of the reasons that I still think 12 Monkeys is a superior film. (Interestingly, it was co-written by a woman: Janet Peoples.)

From a political standpoint, the film works very much in accordance with the modern world. Everything is screwed up because everyone is going along with the system. Michael Palin’s character, Jack Lint, seemed evil to me when I first saw the film. Well, he is evil. But that isn’t what’s most important to his character. He’s totally afraid. Everyone is. Everyone in a position of power is worried that they will be blamed for something. This is the basis for my favorite line in the film. In discussing the wrongful arrest and death of Buttle, Lint says, “It’s not my fault that Buttle’s heart condition didn’t appear on Tuttle’s file.”

Maybe the reason that I liked the film so much this time is that I’m receptive to its message. Of late, I’ve been focused on this idea of the social system being evil and stupid in ways that no individual would be. Everybody’s just trying to get by. But in some kind bizarre anti-sum-of-the-parts, the more individuals involved, the worse the system gets. Brazil might be nominally presenting some kind of authoritarian system, but what we actually see is a libertarian system where each person doing what is in their own best interest leads to catastrophe.

Afterword

I want to make note of Robert De Niro’s character, Harry Tuttle. He’s a freelance plumber — working outside the system, and so referred to as a terrorist by the government. This actually highlights the distinction between European and American libertarianism. Tuttle wants to be at liberty to do what he wants. He is not looking for the “liberty” of cornering markets and therefore controlling (destroying the liberty of) whole classes of people. This is why American libertarianism is such a joke. It has nothing to do with liberty; it is all about replacing one system of relatively benign control with another that is as bad as the world in Nineteen Eighty-Four.

How to Become a Scientific Hack

William HapperYou have probably heard of the Greenpeace climate denier sting. Zaid Jilani provides a good introduction to it, In Greenpeace Sting, Professors Agree to Produce Research for Fossil Fuel Industry Without Disclosure. It focuses on the story of Princeton physicist William Happer. And it is stunning. But I know what I would wonder if I did not have inside information, “How does this happen?” I don’t go in for the whole business about people being evil or greedy. These are academics. If they were really greedy, they would have gone into another line of work. So why do they do it? I think I can provide the answer to that question.

The group that I worked in for eight years was focused on methane emissions. That wasn’t my work, but I was very much involved in it, and even published one paper that was focused on it. For a long time, people said that methane could not be increasing in the atmosphere because it was created by natural processes. It was actually my group (long before I was in it), that proved that wasn’t the case. While it was true that methane comes from “natural” sources like animals and wetlands, we greatly affect these in terms of breeding cows and growing rice.

“You son of a bitch, I haven’t taken a dime! I haven’t taken a dime, you son of a bitch.” —William Happer

Some of our group’s work showed that methane production from American cattle was not nearly as high as it was for cattle in other countries. Understandably, American cattle ranchers were thrilled about this information. The work was covered prominently in American Cattlemen and similar industry periodicals. Now, I don’t remember if the group got any funding from “organized cattle.” But this is how it works. It isn’t that someone from the cattle industry would go to a scientist and say, “Fake some research for me” — some kind of backroom deal. Rather, it is that these industries will preferentially support people who have research results that are helpful to their interests.

The biggest problem that researchers face is getting funding. I know that my thesis adviser did not go to research conferences to hear what other scientists were doing. Everyone already knew that. He went to them to meet with project managers. Even existing grants had to be constantly tended to like a garden. And it’s sad, because my adviser was, even then, a very big deal. But that’s the nature of academic research. So if the cattle industry wants to give you $60,000 to look at cow flatulence, you take it. That may not seem like a lot of money, but it’s probably almost half your year’s salary (after overhead), where you could be working rather than teaching a bunch of premeds.

None of this means that people need to turn into hacks. But my group was always pretty well connected — both nationally and internationally. (We had a huge joint project with China looking at rice field emmisions.) Maybe it would have been different if it had been overly dependent upon one source that was highly motivated to see one particular result. Now, I’m not saying this is what happened to William Happer with his work for the coal industry. But I feel certain Happer started as a climate change denier and then the money started rolling in, and not the other way around. Over time, I don’t know what went on with him.

I think it’s important to remember this. It isn’t just a question of understanding fellow humans, even when you think they are behaving very badly. It’s important to understand that science isn’t immune to this sort of thing. Of course, that is the beauty of science. Unlike politics, science makes the whole greater than the individuals. Science can and does get things very wrong. But eventually, it finds its way. But most of all, science won’t be hijacked by a small number of cranks and iconoclasts — unless they happen to be right. There is enormous indication that in the field of global warming, the cranks and iconoclasts are dead wrong.

Anniversary Post: Lebensborn

LebensbornExactly 80 years ago, in 1935, Lebensborn was founded by the Nazi SS for the purpose for getting more Aryan babies born. Like racists everywhere, the Nazis were very concerned that the “lesser races” were breeding too much. Walk around California and you will hear people say the same thing about Latinos. Of course, there is something to this. Immigrants tend to be the people who are scapegoated. Immigrants tend to be younger. Younger people tend to have babies. It’s the perfect situation for racists.

Anyway, what I think is interesting about Lebensborn is that it is based on a kind of thinking that is very common among middle class white liberals. It is the idea that what we really need to do to help the poor is to stop them from having babies. I’m pretty old and I’ve never had any children. So I don’t think it is necessary to have children to have a fulfilling life. But that was my choice. I don’t think that’s true of most people.

But we have this attitude that unless someone has money, they shouldn’t be able to be parents. Why do we do that?! Why is it that as liberals, we think the poor have a right to food and housing, but not parenthood? I think it is mostly because we’ve never thought about it. We are still operating with conservative notions — very much linked to racism and eugenics. And we need to stop doing this. It is one thing to make birth control easy to get. It is great to help people avoid pregnancies that they don’t want. But let’s not get confused and try to stop the poor from having children because we might think that it is a good idea.

The Visceral Nature of Email and Texting

Texting EmojiI am a connoisseur of click-bait. But I rarely click. Sometimes, though… Yesterday, I saw this headline, Study Proves Only Jerks End Their Texts With a Period. I didn’t want to click. I felt like I was being manipulated. Just the same, I figured I might get some useful information. And the grammarian in me wanted to know how a mere bit of punctuation could take an ordinary woman and turn her into Jerk-Woman — strange woman from another planet who can set emotional tone with the typing of a single stop.

After clicking over, I saw that it was actually fairly serious. I’ve even wondered about it in the past. Consider this text message, “See you tomorrow.” It comes off as distinctly uninspired. It’s emotional content ranges from Eeyore depression to Monty Python, “Piss off!” On the other hand, this seems very nice: “See you tomorrow!” So the study isn’t about what I had thought: not using a stop at all, but about the apparent need for text messages that are filled with exclamation points! Because everything we say will be twisted if we don’t! They will read the last syllable down and not up! And we can’t have that.

There is one person I work with very closely. She has the habit of filling her email with smiling emojis. At first I thought it was kind of odd. But I’ve come to think that she’s just protecting herself. There is something about electronic communication that makes us all really insecure. In the past, I’ve found myself fine tuning tweets so they can’t be misinterpreted. And it always ends up with me canceling the tweet, because it just can’t be done.

I wonder why it is that we can’t give each other the benefit of the doubt. There is another person who I used to work with. She was older and had been in the computer trenches long before the dot-com boom. And her philosophy was that email was fast and imperfect. You had to assume the goodwill of the person writing to you. I’ve always remembered that. But it is hard to do. When you read something — especially if it is meant specifically for you — it hits you in a visceral way. It isn’t an intellectual process. So it is no surprise that “see you tomorrow” becomes “go away.”

Talking, on the other hand, is amazing. I used to know this storyteller and performance artist. He frequented a number of pubs that I did. And one time he revealed to me that he was hard of hearing. So in a bar setting, he usually could not make out the words that people were saying to him. But with all the other information that people provided in terms of tone and pacing and body language, he got 90% of it. I’m sure he did! This is probably why people are usually struck by my fairly forceful writing style and my conversational style. I’m not sure how to describe the latter, but everything about it is designed to say, “Are you with me?! It isn’t my intention to offend!”

Given that, you would think that people close to me would know better. But I don’t think they do. So now I have something else to worry about. My texts must end with an exclamation mark! Because I am not saying piss off! I’m just going to bed!