On this day in 1952, Richard Nixon gave his famous Checkers Speech. It stands out to me for the power of nonsense. It was about a special fund that was set up to pay for his expenses as a Senator. It doesn’t seem that he did anything wrong with regard to it. But it does strike me as rather typical Nixon — in the sleaziest sense. So he spent a half hour on television talking about it and the fact that he didn’t get any of the money or other special favors. But there was one thing he did get: a dog that his daughter named Checkers. He said, “Regardless of what they say about it, were gonna keep it.”

That’s a brilliant bit of political theater. Nixon was apparently unhappy that the speech had been named for that half minute bit. But that’s really all that anyone remembered: Nixon got a dog for his girls! The beginning of the speech is just him going over the allegations and defending himself. Then he gets into his finances and it is boring. That’s 18 minutes. Then there’s a good line about Pat not having a mink coat and the kids now having a dog. That’s just over a minute. Then we get ten minutes about how much Adlai Stevenson sucked. And he tops it off with an a capella rendition of “Nothing’s Gonna Stop Us Now” — or close enough.

What’s more remarkable about the speech is that it worked. Nixon actually tells the Checkers part of the story awkwardly and blows the punchline. But I think for most people it was: blah blah blah puppy blah blah blah. How could a man who got his daughters a dog be a crook? Of course, I continue to have a soft spot for Nixon precisely because he’s so awkward and seems so uncomfortable in his skin. Ultimately, I think he was a lost soul who thought that political power would give his life meaning. The Nixon we see in this speech is definitely the Nixon he thought the people wanted to see. And he was largely right.

On this day in 1981, Sandra Day O’Connor was confirmed as the first female justice on the Supreme Court of the United States. She was approved by the Senate with a vote of 99-0. Could you ever imagine that happening today? To begin with, there is no way a Republican president would ever nominate someone like her. At last week’s debate, Ted Cruz was complaining about ultra-conservative John Roberts being on the Court. According to Cruz, Roberts is some kind of liberal because he hasn’t decided everything exactly the way that Cruz thinks is correct. It’s a good example of what a movement conservative defines as a liberal: “not a movement conservative.” Of course, John Roberts is a movement conservative and has moved the law far to the right on really important issues like voter rights.

Anyway, what I find most interesting about O’Connor is the way she left the Supreme Court. She wanted to leave because her husband was ill. She asked William Rehnquist if he was planning to retire. He said no, so she retired. And then Rehnquist died. So George W Bush got to appoint two justices: one, the aforementioned ultra-conservative John Roberts — the other the reactionary Samuel Alito, who took O’Connor’s spot. I wonder how that sits with her to have been replaced by such an anti-feminist as Alito. O’Connor was conservative in a broad sense, but in the context of today, she has to be seen as a moderate — especially when it comes to women’s rights. Allowing Alito on the Court effectively destroyed all the good she ever did on the Court.

But this day 34 years ago was a special one with great meaning to the nation. We now have three women on the Court. All of them were appointed by Democrats, of course. The only female I can image Republicans nominating in the next 20 years would be someone like Janice Rogers Brown — who wants to take us back to Lochner v New York. I’m sure that if Republicans could find a woman to spout crazy enough things, they’d love to nominate her. But that can be hard. And the crazy ideas come first.

Sandra Day O’Connor would never make the cut.

On this day in 2011, the US military ended its “don’t ask, don’t tell” policy. It was a terrible policy, because it managed to do exactly the opposite of what was intended. As far as I can tell, it caused the military to systematize the oppression of LGB service members. And as a result, the oppression went way up. Although you really have to wonder about the petty, frightened souls who ratted out their fellow soldiers. These, after all, were supposed to be people who would die for each other. But finding out that one of them was “gay” — well that was right out!

The only reason I bring this up today, is that it’s been four years and the military hasn’t been destroyed. Of course, before it happened, that’s exactly what conservatives predicted. For example, John McCain said it was a potentially deadly distraction. But even at the time, people were noting that most western countries had had LGB soldiers for a long time without problem. But that didn’t matter, because America was “exceptional!” In this case, that apparently meant: totally incompetent.

Transgender people are still forbidden in the military. But this is only because we are incredibly slow learners.

On this day in 1796, what became known as George Washington’s Farewell Address was first published. It was originally written in 1792, when he was hoping to slip out of office. People often point to his voluntarily stepping down after two terms as being indicative of his greatness. But he never wanted to be president in the first place. People are highly anachronistic about the presidency. President Obama may well be the most powerful man on earth, but George Washington sure wasn’t. Indeed, the Address was originally titled, “The Address of General Washington to the People of the United States on His Declining of the Presidency of the United States.” Being a general was a bigger deal than being president.

The document itself is interesting, because it includes most of the things that conservatives once stood for: federalism, religion, balanced budgets, free trade, and the avoidance of foreign conflicts. That doesn’t much sum up the modern Republican Party, does it? The two big ones that they’ve turned their backs on — federalism and foreign conflicts — were both abandoned for political expediency. Federalism had to go so Republicans could court the bigots in the south. And Foreign conflicts became a great way to keep the nation terrified and electing Republicans. Of course, Republicans are also frauds about the other things. Religion is just a license to hate. Balanced budgets are something that matter when Democrats are in power. And “free trade” is the term they use to skew the economy against workers and toward the rich (for example, free trade for factory workers and protectionism for neurosurgeons).

It really would be wonderful if the United States had a conservative party. There is one — buried inside the Democratic Party. The Republican Party is basically a fascist group — as Steve M called them, a failed state. Whether the American people will ever realize that is open to debate. And I’m not sure a majority of Americans deserve any better.

See also: Thomas Paine’s Letter to George Washington.

On this day in 1939, the English language Nazi propaganda broadcast Germany Calling first aired. It is known today for the character of Lord Haw-Haw, who was primarily played by Irish-British Fascist William Joyce. He had recently fled the United Kingdom and become a naturalized German citizen. After the war, he was captured and returned to the United Kingdom. There, he was tried for high treason and executed.

I’m not going to be the guy to defend Joyce. But isn’t this what we liberal democrats are supposed to believe in: the right to dissent? He didn’t stay in the UK. He fled to Germany. He became a citizen. He fought for his new country. I believe he was wrong. For one thing, he was virulently antisemitic. But I believe he had a right to do that. And it seems to me that his prosecution was wrong. People are allowed to be wrong — even publicly.

On this day in 1859, Joshua Abraham Norton named himself “Norton I, Emperor of the United States.” He is generally remembered as Emperor Norton. In 1849, he inherited what would be well over a million dollars today. So he left his home in South Africa and moved to San Francisco. He went into business. And he did okay. He invested in real estate and greatly increased his fortune.

But then, he saw an opportunity to corner the market on rice in San Francisco. China had placed a ban on the exportation of rice. So he bought a huge amount of rice from Peru — worth roughly one-tenth of his entire fortune. But it wasn’t all the Peruvian rice that was being brought to San Francisco. So instead of rice prices going way up, they plummeted — to a quarter of what Norton bought them for. But instead of just taking his licks and moving on, he decided to fight.

He tried to nullify the contract. And he had some success in the lower courts — probably because they were easier to buy off. From 1853 to 1857 he fought the sale, all the way to the California Supreme Court, where he lost. Along the way, he lost his entire fortune. He filed for bankruptcy in 1858. And in 1859, having decided that the United States was a failed enterprise, he announced that he was emperor:

He became something of a pet to the city. He didn’t have any real power, but he has taken care of — financially and emotionally. He issued his own currency, which people accepted even though it was worthless. And he was generally listened to seriously, as when he dissolved Congress later that same year. He was also very protective of his adopted city. In 1872, he issued the following edict, “Whoever after due and proper warning shall be heard to utter the abominable word ‘Frisco,’ which has no linguistic or other warrant, shall be deemed guilty of a High Misdemeanor, and shall pay into the Imperial Treasury as penalty the sum of twenty-five dollars.” He seems like a real life Ignatius J Reilly from A Confederacy of Dunces.

After a 21 year reign as the most harmless emperor in history, he died. Wealthy businessmen chipped in and provided him with a fine funeral, and it is estimated that as many as 10,000 people attended — at a time when the population of the city was less than a quarter million. He was a truly remarkable man.

Although it is open to debate, on this day in 490 BCE, the Battle of Marathon took place. It was a battle between the Persian Empire and the city state of Athens. It was a huge battle pitting roughly 10,000 Athenians (plus a thousand or so Plataeans) against 25,000 Persians. It resulted in a decisive victor for the greatly outnumbered Greeks. It marked an important point toward the beginning of the Greco-Persian Wars — which ran on for fifty years. And more specifically, it was part of the first Persian invasion of Greece.

Now if you are like me, you are probably wondering, “Why did the Persians want to invade Greece?” Well, it was personal. Ionia was under Persian rule, but the people weren’t totally happy with that so they started the Ionian Revolt, which lasted from 499 BCE to 493 BCE. The Persians prevailed in it. But the Persian King Darius I never got over the fact that the Greeks had supported the Ionians. So rather than just let it go, he pushed it into another four and half decades of war. Of course, it wasn’t all under him. He died in 486 BCE, and the conflict didn’t end until 449 BCE. Once these things get started, they have a will of their own.

If this all sounds kind of familiar, it should. We humans haven’t learned a damned thing. Remember all that business of how we couldn’t “cut and run” in Iraq? That’s called the sunk costs fallacy. It’s easy to fall into. It’s hard to admit that you’ve wasted resources. So you waste more resources trying to make things right. It’s really all about saving face — to yourself most of all. But clearly, Darius took the Greek involvement in the Ionian Revolt personally. No realpolitik for him! He got Ionia back; so what if the Greeks weren’t his biggest fans?

So let’s lay this out for our modern political leaders. Darius has to deal with a revolt, and he succeeds. But it makes him angry at the Greeks — especially the Athenians. So he starts the first Persian invasion of Greece. He does very well for the most part. But the one thing he most wanted to do — make Athens pay — he fails at. Not only that, but he fails spectacularly. He embarrasses himself. So he and his successors carry on and on and on — for a total of 50 years. At which point they just gave up.

I suppose Dick Cheney would say that they gave up to soon. If only they had kept it up until the reign of Nepherites I (398 – 393 BCE), then they would have succeeded! It’s just silly — or rather stupid. The thing is that Darius had an excuse: he lived literally millennia before Niccolò Machiavelli and realpolitik. I’m not sure what to make of Cheney. He clearly isn’t stupid. But his anger — or whatever — makes him stupid when dealing with subjects like this. At least King Darius knew he was taking these actions because of his desire for vengeance. Cheney — and most of the Republican Party — seem to think their actions make sense.

Well, since it is the anniversary of the 9/11 attacks, I guess I should say something. As horrific as it was, I will admit to it not greatly effecting me. It was a terrorist attack. Those are awful. And it was an amazingly successful one. I’ve always figured that it out performed Osama bin Laden’s greatest fantasies. But that was just it: it was an exceptional event in the literal sense of the word. It wasn’t like the attack on Pearl Harbor, which was done by an actual powerful country with lots of money and a big military.

But I get it. The people I know from New York have a whole different attitude about it. But frankly, pretty much everyone has a different attitude about it than I do and did. As I wrote on that very day, “The result [of our response]: a huge tragedy — a bigger tragedy than even today’s — though, admittedly, not as concentrated.” I didn’t know about Afghanistan, much less Iraq. And it continues on because the “war on terror” continues on. It justifies continual war. In an important sense, we are never at war now because we are always at war.

Scott Eric Kaufman posted a great sort article by Siva Vaidhyanathan, What We Should Never Forget on 9/11. It is a list of eight things we should never forget that are not on most people’s lists of what not to forget. For most people, the thing we shouldn’t forget is that we were attacked for no reason at all. It’s the usual American myth: we were just standing around minding our own business and people got mad at us! Nothing justifies murder, but just as our country justifies all the killing that it does based upon past wrongs, so too does al-Qaeda. They have their reasons and we would be a whole lot better off looking at just how valid our own reasons are than in feeling superior to a bunch of angry terrorists.

One thing on Vaidhyanathan list really struck me, “One security technology could have prevented the hijackings — secure and solid cockpit doors. The airlines fought FAA proposals for them for decades.” This was something that really bugged me. Not long after the attacks, I flew with my wife to Florida and there were the flimsy cardboard doors that wouldn’t stop a determined toddler. It wasn’t until recently that I found out that the planes had eventually been retrofitted with these solid doors.

But I had no idea that the FAA had been pushing for these doors for decades. And you would think that would have been big news. Almost 3,000 people died and they wouldn’t have if the airline industry hadn’t been so powerful and so determined not to spend a dime on safety that could go to profits. But you see, that would have been making the case that the bureaucracy ought to be more powerful and independent. And as everyone “knows”: the government is the source of all our problems and the answer to none.

In the end, we got the doors. The government did make some of the changes that were necessary. But mostly, we got a lot of nonsense. We got the Patriot Act. We got mass surveillance. We got lots of propaganda about how we ought to all act as police officers and rat out anyone who didn’t look right — or be on the lookout for any suspicious packages like accordions.

I don’t think that the world changed on 11 September 2001. And the sad thing is that I don’t think anyone else really thinks so either — although I’m sure many did at the time. But it sure is used to make America even less like its ideals than it used to be.

On this day in 1297, the Scots beat the English at the Battle of Stirling Bridge. This was William Wallace’s big victory, although he was working with Andrew Moray and his troops. In fact, Moray was fatally wounded in that battle. It was toward the beginning of the First War of Scottish Independence — a war that went on for over three decades. The Scots were heavily outnumbered, but they destroyed the English. This was due in part to good strategy by Wallace and Moray and by English errors and by lots of luck.

Moray died within days. Wallace next met with the English six months later at the Battle of Falkirk, where he lost badly. He resigned and spent much of the rest of his life (about seven years) trying to get France to intervene on behalf of Scotland. And then he was captured by the English and killed about as brutally as you can imagine. What I find interesting about this is that Edward I was actually a rather good king. But I’m not sure the torture death of Wallace said as much about Edward’s desires as the English people’s.

Regardless, I only bring the whole thing up because it is nothing like Braveheart. That movie say more about Mel Gibson’s personal problems than it does about William Wallace and the war. Heroes are meant for books and films, I suppose. But we should never take them for truth. Who was William Wallace? A failed diplomat.