About Frank Moraes

Frank Moraes is a freelance writer and editor online and in print. He is educated as a scientist with a PhD in Atmospheric Physics. He has worked in climate science, remote sensing, throughout the computer industry, and as a college physics instructor. Find out more at About Frank Moraes.

The Rich Are Supposed to Be Evil

Paul KrugmanPaul Krugman has long argued that the reason the rich will brook no public criticism has to do with the needs hierarchy. Since they have everything that money can buy, they’ve moved beyond that. Now their need is to have all the nation worship them as demigods for their brilliant successes. He wrote about this today, Plutocrats Feeling Persecuted. I think there is much to this. But the issue is more fundamental than this.

Last year, I reported on a study by sociologist Paul Piff. He had kids play the board game Monopoly with special rules. As I wrote, “Instead of giving players an equal start, he defined players as either rich or poor. The rich player received three times the usual starting cash. The poor player received half the usual starting cash, got half as much money for passing go, and had to roll one die instead of the usual two. Obviously, the poor player lost—and quickly.” There is nothing especially surprising about that. But what happened was that the rich players came to see themselves as deserving of their special status. For example, the rich players were far less likely to cut the other player any slack and showed feelings of schadenfreude.

This is quite natural. People tend to think that they are entitled to whatever they are used to having. I’ll give you an example of this. I have a friend who has rented a house for a couple of decades. Last year, his landlord raised his rent 50%. He thought this was totally unfair. But in fact, his landlord had not raised his rent in ten years. If his landlord had raised his rent only 4.2% per year, it would have been at the new rent level, plus he would have been paying higher rent for the previous ten years. But none of that really mattered to him because he felt that what he was paying was the amount he was entitled to. The sudden rent increase shattered that fantasy.

1%The rich are like all of us in that they come up with ways to justify living better than others. But they have a lot more work to do because the nature of our economic system is to intensify inequality. If two people invent something at the same time, the one who gets the patent first can go on to be a billionaire, whereas the other gets nothing. And over time, these kinds of disparities only grow. For example, because he was rich and well connected, Bono got to invest in Facebook early and so made about a billion dollars. His children will inherit his money in addition to all the other advantages that come from being Bono’s child. Wealth accumulates over generations. (This isn’t to put down Bono, who seems like a decent guy—especially compared to other billionaires.)

As a result of this, the rich need to do some heavy duty justifying. This is where we get the myth of the Job Creator. The little people just spend money but the rich create jobs. Thus, in their own minds, they take on the responsibilities of the government. What need is there for social programs when these great Job Creators are doing God’s work by caring for the poor? And this leads to a feeling that anything the government does to reduce their wealth is evil because it gets in the way of their own program of Good Works like yacht buying.

But as I said, this is completely normal. I don’t expect the rich to behave any differently. Similarly, I don’t expect corporations to work for the public good as others do. These people and institutions do what is best for themselves. And that’s how the whole capitalist system is set up to work. It is wrong to expect anything different. What we need, then, is a strong government that stops the rich from getting too rich and corporations from getting too big. Because once that happens, we see what we have today: a system where the wealthy manipulate the government. And what they do is make the already unfair “winner take all” capitalist system even less fair.

So the question is not, “Why are the rich so awful?” It is, “How did we allow the rich to get so powerful?” And going forward, we have the even more important question: what are we going to do to reverse this?

Ira’s Brother George

George GershwinOn this day in 1774, the proto-environmentalist Johnny Appleseed (John Chapman) was born. I didn’t know he was an actual person. It turns out that he didn’t wander around planting seeds, however. He started nurseries and later orchards as a business. And much of the production of those nurseries were used (As always!) to make hard cider and other alcoholic beverages.

The sociologist and photographer Lewis Hine was born in 1874. He did great work during the first three decades of the 20th century to document the lives of regular Americans. A lot of his work was with the American Red Cross, documenting their relief work. In the 1920s he did a series of photographs of Americans at work. But despite his many great successes, he found it difficult to get work in the late 1930s. He eventually lost his house and he died in poverty. In other words, his is a typical story of what we do to great Americans with the temerity to do something with their lives other than make money.

The great poet T. S. Eliot was born in 1888. He is one of those “problem” poets—in his case antisemitism. But we all have character flaws, and it doesn’t too much matter to the work. What I most like about his poetry is his jagged rhythmic sense. I think it has had a profound effect on me in terms of my songs, which have grown ever more playful, although admittedly, less accessible to others. Here is Eliot’s “Hysteria” from around 1920:

As she laughed I was aware of becoming involved in her
laughter and being part of it, until her teeth were
only accidental stars with a talent for squad-drill. I
was drawn in by short gasps, inhaled at each momentary
recovery, lost finally in the dark caverns of her
throat, bruised by the ripple of unseen muscles. An
elderly waiter with trembling hands was hurriedly
spreading a pink and white checked cloth over the rusty
green iron table, saying: “If the lady and gentleman
wish to take their tea in the garden, if the lady and
gentleman wish to take their tea in the garden …” I
decided that if the shaking of her breasts could be
stopped, some of the fragments of the afternoon might
be collected, and I concentrated my attention with
careful subtlety to this end.

The singer-songwriter Marty Robbins was born in 1925. My mother was a big fan of his and his story songs. So this one is for her:

And the Roxy Music frontman, Bryan Ferry is 68 today. I’m torn on him. In many ways, he’s a pretentious twat. But I really do love those first two Roxy Music albums. Anyway, here is one of his solo efforts, “Let’s Stick Together”:

Other birthdays: Romantic painter Theodore Gericault (1791); novelist Joseph Furphy (1843); singer Olivia Newton-John (65); and actor Linda Hamilton (57).

The day, however, belongs to the great composer George Gershwin who was born in 1898. He is often mistakenly thought of as a “serious” or “classical” composer, but he was not at all. It is probably better to think of him as a musical theater composer, which he probably would be known as today if it were not for his death at only 38 due to a brain tumor. It is best to think of him as a cross between a jazz and a classical composer. It would have been interesting to see where he would have gone as a composer, because he certainly hadn’t reached maturity. Still, he left us with a lot of great music like Rhapsody in Blue, here conducted by a fan of his, Leonard Bernstein:

Happy birthday George Gershwin!

Megan McArdle Humiliates Eric Alterman

Eric AltermanEric Alterman is no wonk. He is an English professor, after all. And although he is perhaps better described as a historian, he is no mathematician. So you can imagine just how humbling it is when he starts making calculations. Like back in 2003, shortly after the invasion of Iraq, he predicted, “George W. Bush deliberately misled the country to launch an unnecessary war that will embroil this country in what could be decades of chaos, mayhem and murder, and cost us hundreds of billions and quite possibly trillions, while destroying the nation’s fiscal health in the process.” Ouch! He must regret saying that now!

At that time, Jane Galt—later revealed to be right wing hack and pseudo-libertarian Megan McArdle—was on hand to call Alterman on his bullshit. She wrote that while most things tend to end up costing more than first estimated, he was way off target. “But trillions? US GDP is roughly $10 trillion. Alterman is saying that over the long run, this war is going to cost us at least 20% of GDP. That’s nuts, and it’s not the first time I’ve seen those sorts of numbers around.” That had to sting! I can’t imagine how Eric Alterman could even show his face in public after that.

After she was done “proving” that Alterman’s numbers were wrong, she went after another well know innumerate: economist James Galbraith. He made the outlandish prediction that the Iraq War could take 5 years and 200,000 troops. What an idiot! No wonder the only people who ever quote him are similarly mushy headed thinkers like Paul Krugman and Joseph Stiglitz. Megan McArdleBut McArdle was not afraid, she even went so far as to try to school Galbraith on what an opportunity cost is. Of course, as Jon Schwarz at A Tiny Revolution noted, she can’t even do basic arithmetic like division. But her point is not Galbraith; she is above all focus on the evil English professor and his suggestion that the Iraq War might cost more than Bush and company said.

Of course, it turned out that McArdle was completely wrong. The war really was that expensive, it really did take that many toops, it really did take that much time. Actually, it took more of all of them: money, troops, time. It also cost far more lives than she estimated. Gin and Tacos dredged up this old Jane Galt article last month and gave it the whole FJM treatment, A Very Special Time Warp FJM. It goes step by step, tearing McArdle apart. It wasn’t hard. As they said, “Megan McArdle labors mightily, and almost always unsuccessfully, to write columns that do not immediately collapse under the weight of mild scrutiny.” And this one was written ten years earlier!

But what I find most interesting is that it doesn’t matter that McArdle was totally wrong about this and so much else besides. She is still a shining light in conservative media. Last year, right after the election, David Brooks wrote, The Conservative Future. He was looking at all the new ideas and open minded thinking on the right. He highlighted Megan McArdle and wrote that she was one of the “soft libertarians” who “start from broadly libertarian premises but do not apply them in a doctrinaire way.” Apparently, nothing that McArdle can say or do will ever make her anything but a smart and insightful thinker.

Meanwhile, Eric Alterman continues to be the star on the left that he has long been. But being right doesn’t matter any more than McArdle being wrong matters. To some extent, that’s simply because he’s a liberal. Liberals are expected to be right when it comes to facts. Conservatives are only supposed to be right in a postmodern sense of the word—you know, where being right is the same as holding an opinion. What’s more, it is another example of conservative affirmative action. We can’t hold conservatives accountable because the pool of conservatives who can pass for intelligent political observers is so small.

Still, I think we need to point out the gross incompetence of commentators wherever we see it. I do it to liberal commentators all the time. There isn’t nearly as much fun to be had going after conservatives. Shooting fish in a barrel is easy compared to it.

Update (26 September 2013 8:05 pm)

In a private tweet, Megan McArdle responded, “Yes, you’re right, I was wrong about the Iraq War.” I always hate getting these kinds of responses, because it makes it all so very personal. It isn’t my intention to make her feel bad. My point is that no one is held accountable once they get a certain level of fame. So I don’t particularly care that she was wrong in this particular case. I don’t even particularly care that she has been wrong so often about so many things. (Just two months ago, I wrote, Megan McArdle’s Ridiculous Anti-Filibuster-Reform Argument.) The point is that it doesn’t matter. She will continue to be well paid to blather on. And this is part of why our politics is so screwed up.

Ridiculous GOP Debt Ceiling “Plan”

Debt Ceiling NegotiationsThere hasn’t been much news recently—at least on the national level. I think this is because everyone is waiting around to see just what the Republicans do to fuck everything up. The Republicans work as the equivalent of Iago in politics. Or perhaps a better analogy would be Worm from Rounders. He fucks everything up, but he doesn’t have a reason for it. It is just how he rolls. That seems to be the case with the Republicans and the government shutdown and Debt Ceiling crisis.

This morning, Jonathan Strong at National Review provided us with the goods, Revealed: The House GOP’s Debt-Ceiling Plan. And it is quite a “plan.” Basically, it is just a conservative wish list. The Debt Ceiling bill that the House Republicans are cooking up says, “We’ll raise the Debt Ceiling, and all you have to give us is everything we’ve ever wanted.” Well, that’s not exactly true. They aren’t asking for the death penalty for women using birth control and anyone caught having “unnatural” sex. But otherwise, it is all in there.

They want Obamacare delayed for the exact period of time they will limit the Debt Ceiling. But wait, there’s more! They want the Keystone Pipeline green lighted, more oil drilling offshore, and an end to EPA carbon regulations. They want an end to net neutrality. They want tort reform. Not satisfied? There’s more! They want to cut the child tax credit. They want to means test Medicare. They what the REINS Act which would politicizes all scientific judgments in regulations. But don’t answer yet, because there is so much more! They want to gut Dodd-Frank. They want entitlement “reform” (i.e. cuts). They want the Ryan budget plan!

That’s all just for raising the Debt Ceiling for one year. Actually, that’s only about half of it. Click on over if you want to see the whole list. The main thing about it is that it isn’t just a bargaining ploy. Although it is best to start a negotiation with high demands, this list goes way beyond that. It says, “We’re not serious about this negotiation.” Of course, that was clear from the start. In the 2011 Debt Ceiling fight, at least it was about the budget. The Republicans were saying, “We’ll only allow the government to borrow more if they stop borrowing so much.” It was bullshit even then, but it made a certain amount of sense. In this case, Boehner has been saying he will only allow more borrowing if Obamacare is killed, even though the program pays for itself.

So why not throw in net neutrality?! Why not force through the Keystone Pipeline? Why not lower taxes (which makes the budget shortfall even worse)? It doesn’t have to make sense. In fact, it is not even supposed to make sense. It is a power play, pure and simple. The House Republicans are saying, “We don’t care about the United States and so we are willing to destroy it if we don’t get our way.” This battle should have been fought a long time ago. The Republicans should have been called on their bullshit. Now there is going to be real damage, but giving into the Republicans now will only put off a much more damaging fight later on.

We Cannot Reason With the Rich

Mark ThomaI’ve long argued that the big problem with the deficit hawks is not so much their desire to reduce the size of government, although that itself is short sighted. The big problem is that these deficit hawks only want to reduce the size of government on the backs of the poor. Thus we get calls for cutting entitlement programs, unemployment insurance, and food stamps. We don’t get calls for getting rid of “too big to fail” insurance or the Social Security tax cap or the low capital gain tax rate. Actually, we get just the opposite. Remember the Simpson-Bowles deficit reduction plan? The first thing it did was lower taxes!

The brilliant Mark Thoma discusses this problem from a different perspective over at The Fiscal Times, The Real Reason for the Fight over the Debt Limit. Basically, he argues that we are all this together. He notes that the rich don’t face the same uncertainties that the rest of us do, and that this fact needs to be acknowledged. But increases in inequality have allowed the rich to wall themselves off from the rest of society and thus have a skewed view of who the supposed takers are.

I would go much further than this. Our system is set up so that the rich are simply not allowed to fail. Ever. Look at Jack Abramoff. He was convicted of the worst kinds of crimes against his clients and democracy generally. So he went to prison. But afterwards, he was not vanquished from polite society and prevented from having a decent job. Instead, he was given a multimillion dollar book contract and is widely heralded as a truth teller. That is what happens to The Chosen in this country. They take care of their own.

I don’t think that Thoma’s argument really works, however. You are never going to convince the rich that they really should support SNAP by claiming that we are all one big happy family. More compelling is my argument in The Revolution Will Be Televised: if the rich don’t allow the rest of society a reasonable lifestyle, there will be blood. And the first people on the gallows will be the rich. That is a kind of social insurance that the rich ought to be very interested in. (Of course, they aren’t; the rich are as short sighted as anyone.)

In Rage of the Privileged, Paul Krugman says that it is worse than Thoma indicates. He notes that the rich are all for the government when it is helping the rich. He is right, of course, but it is just more proof that the rich don’t care about anyone but themselves. If we had an actual democracy, we could do something about this. But we clearly don’t. So much advantage for the rich is locked in. For example, the rich don’t want to see the military budget cut because of all the great defense contracts. But it has been easy to convince the people that we must have a huge military to protect us, even though it is really all about protecting the profits of the rich.

What’s more, we now have a political system that is paid for by the rich. Only someone who can generate a billion dollars in campaign contributions is a viable candidate for president. Is it any wonder that the most liberal candidates we generate are people like Obama who are above all protectors of the rich? These people will never willingly give up power. And as long as they are in power, they will continue to do everything they can to harm the poor. And their success matters too little on who is in power in Washington.

Republicans Are a Cult More Than a Party

Jonathan ChaitJonathan Chait wonders if any positive information about Obamacare can get through the conservative media blackout, Someone Tell Ted Cruz the Obamacare War Is Over. He isn’t alone; a lot of people wonder how it can be that in conservativeworld, all the news is bad. But this is just more of liberal commentators thinking that the conservative movement is just like any other political movement. It is best to think of modern conservatism as cult.

Regardless of what kind of healthcare reform had been implemented, liberals would have been hopefully optimistic that it would work. Most liberals are not that keen on Obamacare, but even if they had gotten the single payer system that they wanted, they would have watched closely to see how it was doing. They would have been pretty sure that it was going to work well, but they would have been ultimately constrained by the facts on the ground.

Conservatives are quite different. Or perhaps it is more accurate to say that conservative opinion leaders are quite different. They don’t think that conservative policies are the best; they know. So when it comes to Obamacare, they are sure it is going to be bad. They don’t need the random bit of positive data to confuse the issue. Anyway, what makes a policy the best is not what works the best as most people would define it. The attack on Obamacare is not even about the ridiculous notion that it will deprive people of “freedom” by making them change their healthcare. (It doesn’t do that, anyway, not that it matters.) They aren’t even against it because of their generalized hatred of poor people who the program helps. They are against the program because it raises taxes a small amount on the wealthy.

So Chait may think that lower individual premiums is a good thing. He may think that reduced long-term Medicare spending projections is great. He may think that tens of millions of people getting health insurance is wonderful. And I agree with him! We ought to be dancing in the street. But none of these things cut the taxes of the rich, who it turns out already have really good healthcare. So there really is no good news on the Obamacare front.

What conservatives write in the National Review and the opinion pages of the Wall Street Journal are not what the conservative elite actually think. Those articles are for the conservatives in the pews. They are the official conservative line for dissemination to the little conservatives who are by and large not well served by the movement they support. There is a pathway for this misinformation: Wall Street Journal opinion page to Rush Limbaugh to the dittoheads. As awful as those dittoheads are, they aren’t going to be so easily led if Rush was telling them, “We need to let the poor die so the rich can be free to not pay a penny more in taxes.” And part of the problem is that we liberals don’t call out the conservative movement for what it is. We need to stop pretending they actually function as a normal political movement. It is all about the people believing the Truth brought to them by the elites. It is all faith-based down low, but at the top, the elites have very sensible reasons for their beliefs.

Obama’s Milquetoast Presidency

Caspar MilquetoastDigby asked a good question, Who Are the Austerians Anyway? She never really answers the question, but does point out one very prominent austerian: President Obama. She takes us back to February 2009—Just one month after taking office—Obama was already talking about cutting entitlement programs. That shouldn’t surprise anyone who reads this site. Obama is now and has always been a New Democrat and that means on economic issues, he is conservative.

In 2008 the economy was exploding. People were very upset. The crisis was the result of decades of uninterrupted conservative economic policy. The people wanted a change! So who did they vote into office? A moderate who was committed to lead like Bill Clinton—the prototypical New Democrat who enacted much of the legislation that directly caused the financial crisis. He allowed Glass–Steagall to be repealed and re-nominated Alan Greenspan, the man most responsible for the housing bubble that caused the crisis. I don’t think the people voting for “hope and change” were hoping for a change back to the president before Bush. But that’s all they got.

Right now, Japan has Shinzo Abe as prime minister. He appears to be a loose cannon. There is much about him that I don’t like. But because he doesn’t care about how things are normally done, he is doing for the Japanese economy what others were too conventional to do. Of course, that conventional thinking was not textbook economics. In fact, it was just the opposite. It was conventional in the sense that everyone all over the world was doing it, even though it was doing no good and causing great harm. If half the leaders of the world decided to kill themselves by jumping off a cliff, apparently the other half would do the same thing. Abe is one of those rare leaders who doesn’t go along and as a result, Japan is finally getting some good fiscal and monetary policy.

Digby is correct that Obama didn’t pivot to the budget deficit (in the middle of the worst economic downturn in generations) because the Republicans won big in 2010. He didn’t pivot at all. He was always the defender of the power elite, so the deficit was always primary in his mind. Liberals are so inclined to cut Obama slack and act as if the only reason he ever does anything bad is because he is forced to. But that’s just not true. Obama is simply not that much of a liberal when it comes to economic issues. He certainly does want to do things to help the economy, but he also wants to cut spending. And his “threading the needle” approach to policy is often particularly bad. For example, he wants to cut entitlements in exchange for raising taxes. That’s doubly bad for the economy.

What we needed in 2008 is the same thing that we will need in 2016: an actual economic liberal in the White House. But because we will have had 8 years of a Caspar Milquetoast presidency, we may end up with some conservative whackjob. The positive aspect of that is that he won’t be much more conservative on economic issues than Obama.

Neoliberalism’s Attack on Democracy

Robert W. McChesneyA vibrant political culture needs community groups, libraries, public schools, neighborhood organizations, cooperatives, public meeting places, voluntary associations, and trade unions to provde ways for citizens to meet, communicate, and interact with their fellow citizens. Neoliberal democracy, with its notion of the market uber alles, takes dead aim at this sector. Instead of citizens, it produces consumers. Instead of communities, it produces shopping malls. The net result is an atomized society of disengaged individuals who feel demoralized and socially powerless.

In sum, neoliberalism is the immediate and foremost enemy of genuine participatory democracy, not just in the United States but across the planet, and will be for the foreseeable future.

—Robert W. McChesney
Introduction to Profit Over People

The Very Giving Shel Silverstein

Shel SilversteinOn this day in 1683, the great Baroque composer Jean-Philippe Rameau was born. He was also a music theorist. This did not get in the way of the art of his work. But it did allow him to push the bounds of the music of the time. A good example of this is the second Trio des Parques in Hippolyte et Aricie:

The great writer William Faulkner was born in 1897. He was an amazing and complex writer. And he really deserved to win this day. But here’s the thing: I don’t enjoy his fiction. I admire it. I wish that I had a small fraction of his talent. But his vision of the world is so unrelentingly negative. I don’t think he was a very happy person. Regardless, it is easy to get lost in his books, and we are all the better for his work.

Other birthdays: film director Robert Bresson (1901); the great composer Dmitri Shostakovich (1906); alleged spy Ethel Rosenberg (1915); Christopher Reeve (1952); Married couple Michael Douglas (69) and Catherine Zeta-Jones (44) share a birthday; Mark Hamill (62); and Will Smith (45).

The day, however, belongs to the poet and humorist Shel Silverstein who was born on this day in 1930. He is generally considered a children’s writer, but he didn’t see himself that way and neither do I. To me, he is a guy who wrote stuff for people like me. Silverstein was extremely clever with an unconstrained but very positive id. But his work was also broad. He wrote the hyperactive silliness of Where the Sidewalk Ends and the sweetly profound The Giving Tree and social satire in songs like “The Cover of the Rolling Stone” and “A Boy Named Sue.” Here is the short film The Giving Tree read by Silverstein:

Happy birthday Shel Silverstein!

Republicans Really Were Gaming Intrade

How to Steal an ElectionWe are coming up on the one year anniversary of the last presidential election and so we are at least getting a bit of clarity on some of the political shenanigans that took place during that consequential event. Earlier this month, two researches Rajiv Sethi and David Rothschild presented a paper that looks at a very strange bit of electioneering, Trading Strategies and Market Microstructure: Evidence from a Prediction Market. It has to do with the use of the political betting market Intrade to push the narrative, that counter to all available data, Mitt Romney was actually doing really well in his race against President Obama.

I wrote about this at the time, Republicans Gaming Intrade. About two weeks before the election, all the polling outfits and gaming markets gave Obama at least a 65% chance of winning re-election. But Intrade was and had been an outlier. It gave Obama only a 55% chance of winning. As I wrote at the time, Intrade got more coverage than any other “predictive” source other than Nate Silver’s Five Thirty Eight blog. Thus, betting big money on Romney at Intrade was a good political move because it would get a lot of media attention.

The whole thing became a minor scandal when a single trader made an $18,000 bet that sent the market way out of balance. I reported on it, suggesting that it was very much like a scam that conservative publishers worked on New York bookstores to get their books on the New York Times bestseller list, thus getting undeserved attention and greater sales nationwide. This got a response from Intrade Exchange Operations Manager Carl Wolfenden, who said that it was just a statistical anomaly and that it wasn’t a single bettor.

I accepted his statement, although right before the election, I revisited the subject noting that Intrade continued to be way out of balance with other betting markets. Now it looks like Wolfenden was just covering for the company. Sethi and Rothschild found that a single person bet between $4 and $7 million on Romney at Intrade during the two weeks leading up to the election. What’s more, this represented one-third of all the money that was bet on Romney during that time.

It is possible, of course, that the bettor could just have thought that Romney was a great bet. But that doesn’t make any sense. The bettor could have made a whole lot more money if he bet at one of the other markets where Romney was an even better deal. In addition to this, at the time, Nate Silver noted that if you really thought Romney was going to win, you could make a whole lot more money investing in coal, that would have gone way up in price had Romney won.

It is certain that Intrade knew what was happening. One-third of all the action on Romney was from a single bettor and they knew that Romney was way over valued on their market! I’m more certain than ever that Wolfenden was involved in a deliberate disinformation campaign. Intrade and the other markets should be illegal. It is wrong that people who want to bet on their favorite football team can’t, but millionaires who want to bet on presidential elections can. And given intrade’s complicity in an obvious effort to game the election, it is particularly villainous. But despite this, I’m sure that in 2016, the mainstream press will again be pushing Intrade as a source of real value in the political horse race.

H/T: Josh Voorhees

Fred the Chicken

Chicken Fred

I have a chicken. Her name is Fred—after Super Chicken’s lion sidekick. But maybe it is more correct to say that Fred has me. It all started two weeks ago. I was working in my room with the window open, because it faces south and so is very hot even on relatively cool days. And I thought I heard a goose outside. I thought maybe a flock of geese had landed to eat, as they do from time to time. But there were no geese so I passed it off to my generally tenuous relationship with the outside world. About 15 minutes later, however, I heard the same sound in addition to some people talking.

I went outside and my neighbors told me that there was a chicken in my yard. The speculation was that the chicken must belong to one of the houses across the highway from us. I went over there and found the main place that had chickens. I managed to get their caretaker to come over, but she claimed that it was not their chicken. This may or may not be true. She just may not have wanted to bother. Regardless, the chicken got into a regular habit of sleeping on the muffler of the car and then hanging out in our backyard during the day. This concerned me. I was afraid we might take off with the chicken one morning. But soon, Fred began spending all of her time in the backyard.

As you can see, Fred is rather skinny. This also concerned me, so I located a feed store and made my way to it. The place had a greeter, so I asked, “A chicken has adopted me, so I’m looking for a small amount of food for her.” He looked consternated, which I took to mean that they didn’t sell small amounts of food. I couldn’t have been more wrong. He said, “We don’t actually give any feed away.” I was simultaneously embarrassed and outraged. I replied, “I’m going to buy it, of course!” So he quickly provided me with the aisle and I was off. He was nowhere to be found when I came out. I hope I embarrassed him.

I asked the guy at the checkout stand how much to feed a chicken. He said about a quarter pound per day. I got a ten pound bag for $5, so that’s 40 days of chicken food. That makes chickens a far more economical pet than cats or dogs. Since then, I’ve been feeding Fred and she has been eating. What’s more, she freaks out quite a bit less than she used to. But we still have a long way to go.

We’ll have to see how things proceed. It may be that once Fred gets back to a normal weight, she will abandon me. But overall, she seems pretty happy. Some people have expressed concerns that Fred might be attacked by another animal. That’s possible, of course. But I don’t think there is a great concern. A cat went after her one of the first days Fred was here. Fred tore off after that cat who hasn’t been back. I think that Fred will be fine.

Afterword

That should be “Fred Henhouse.”