About Frank Moraes

Frank Moraes is a freelance writer and editor online and in print. He is educated as a scientist with a PhD in Atmospheric Physics. He has worked in climate science, remote sensing, throughout the computer industry, and as a college physics instructor. Find out more at About Frank Moraes.

Prosecutors Never Favor Legal Reform

The Young TurksThe fine people on The Young Turks discussed prosecutors who are fighting against drug sentence reform. The video is embedded below. I agree with pretty much everything they say. However, they show a shocking lack of understanding about how the criminal justice system works. The group that came out against sentencing reform is The National Association of Assistant United States Attorneys. The Turks argue that the group only represents 25% of all the attorneys, and so is probably just a conservative group with an ax to grind. Maybe they are, but that is not at all the issue.

The way our system works, prosecutors have almost all the power. This is largely because of all the laws we have. As anyone who has ever been arrested for a serious crime can tell you, people do not face a single charge. If you take a swing at a cop, you will not be prosecuted for simply assaulting a cop. You will be facing about ten charges. If you decide to go to trial, you will be facing perhaps decades in jail. So most people just plead to the single assault charge and get the maximum penalty for that. Prosecutors love this power.

With minimum mandatory sentences, it is even better for prosecutors. Now if a junkie is found with three bags of dope, he faces perhaps three years for possession along with another ten years for “intent to distribute” and on and on and on. Suddenly, our poor little junkie is looking at life in prison. He pleads and the prosecutor gets more time on the golf course. This is mentioned in the video, but the Turks don’t seem to understand its meaning. David Zlotnick is quoted as saying:

This is a biased letter with an ulterior motive—to make federal prosecutors’ jobs easier. Federal prosecutors should stand for justice and fairness as well as public safety. This letter and this organization’s position are shortsighted and biased and do not represent the views of all prosecutors.

But it isn’t just that it makes their jobs easier. Remember when I wrote about the Monopoly study where subjects who were given unfair advantages in the game came to think they deserved them? The same thing is going on here. The prosecutors believe that the totally unfair system that has benefited them all these years is right and proper. Fundamentally, these prosecutors don’t want to lose power. It has absolutely nothing to do with making the society safer or fairer.

The legal profession is based upon the idea of sophistry where the two sides try to make the best argument regardless of the truth of the matter. But in the justice system, this is wrong. The prosecutor should only argue for cases that he thinks are true. But this is not the way it works. Prosecutors have great incentives to convict as many people as possible. And they are almost never harmed by getting a false conviction—even when they knowingly railroaded a defendant. So very few prosecutors are going to think it is a good idea to take away their power to do what they see as their jobs. It’s an outrage, but sadly one that even the well informed people on The Young Turks don’t understand.

Chuck Schumer Calls Republican Bluff

Chuck SchumerAs regular readers know, I’m not keen on any of the recent proposals for immigration reform. Fundamentally, they are giveaways to big business with the bare minimum done for the immigrant community itself. And the most recent proposal to allow undocumented residents to become documented but not citizens is just madness. It would develop a kind of two-tier citizenship. Of course, I don’t suppose it really matters given that the pathway to citizenship of the other proposals was so long.

Of course, even this most recent proposal isn’t going to happen anyway. All of the Republican plans that don’t cut taxes on the rich and increase military spending are subject to what Jonathan Chait calls The Heritage Uncertainty Principle. I’ve written about this many times before, but I never came up with such a spiffy moniker. The idea is that Republicans only come up with policy plans as political cover. As soon as it looks like a plan might become actual legislation, the plan disappears because the Republicans who had proposed it turn against it. The best example is Obamacare, hence the name Heritage Uncertainty Principle.

A more recent example is immigration reform. And the newest occurrence of it was when Democrats accepted the Republican immigration reform plan that had no pathway to citizenship. As soon as it looked like it might actually pass: poof! It was gone because Republicans claimed that they can’t trust President Obama to implement it. Of course this is not surprising. The Republican base still thinks that giving legal status to undocumented residents is “amnesty.” So any immigration reform that is anything but “guard the border and deport more people” will never be acceptable.

Yesterday, Chuck Schumer called the Republicans to task on this issue. On Meet the Press, he said:

Now I think that the rap against him—that he won’t enforce the law—is false… He’s deported more people than any other president, but you could actually have the law start in 2017 without doing much violence to it.

I don’t think Schumer is serious about this. But it is a great gambit. It highlights a few things about the Republicans. First and foremost, it calls them to task. If the issue really is Obama, then let’s take Obama out of the equation. But the truth is that this isn’t about Obama. The Republicans said the exact same things about Bill Clinton. So if there is a Democrat in the White House in 2017, they won’t trust him or her.

But I don’t think that the Republicans will be willing to admit that they can’t trust any Democrat ever. Instead, I think they will fall back to what they really believe: this newest watered down plan would still reward those terrible people who risked life and limb to come to the shining beacon of opportunity that is the America of legend. You know: amnesty! And that will be that. Real immigration reform will have to wait until the Democrats are in charge. If the Republicans get control, they aren’t going to pass anything other than some minor reforms to allow more H1-B visas and more guards at the Mexico border.

The truth is that I get annoyed every time liberal commentators get excited at the prospect of immigration reform. It’s never real. Meanwhile, every time it happens, people’s expectations get lower as to what reform looks like. I fear that eventually a bill to increase H1-B visas will make Greg Sargent jump for joy. It’s important to remember that the Republicans have not done their greatest harm through legislation. They have done it by moving the entire political playing field to the right. They’ve more or less made actual liberal policy unthinkable. And they continue to do it with the Heritage Uncertainty Principle.

Star-Ledge Endorsement of Christie Was a Mistake They Are Keen to Repeat

Chris ChristieTom Moran and The Star-Ledger Editorial Board published a bizarre editorial today, Chris Christie Endorsement Is Regrettable. It starts off by noting that they were wrong to endorse Christie for governor. Then they explain why they did it. And they finish by arguing that even with all they know, they would endorse him as Republican nominee for president. Get that? “We don’t think he should be governor, but president would be okay.”

I agree with their reasons for picking Christie rather than picking no one at all. “But voters have to push one button or the other, and we felt The Star-Ledger should belly up to the challenge and offer them our best advice.” This is the same reasoning that makes me a Democrat. Mostly, I think the Democratic Party sucks. But in a two party system, you really need to choose one of the big parties and the Democrats are far better than the Republicans.

Reading a bit between the lines, it seems that the main reason that The Star-Ledger tipped to Christie’s side is because they have very typical New Democrat thinking on education policy. I don’t personally have strong opinions about this. But it definitely seems that those in favor of “educational reform” are far too certain of the justness of their cause than the data would indicate. Reading the article, I get the impression that what the editors are saying is, “If we had endorsed Barbara Buono, who would have gone after the unions?!”

Regardless, the article is at its most bizarre when it turns its attention to the 2016 presidential election. It says, “[I]f you turn your focus to the presidential race in 2016, you might wind up facing the same dilemma we did in the fall.” Really?! Are we going to end up with Christie running against some loser Democrat? Well, no. That’s not what they are talking about. They just think that if Christie doesn’t get the nomination, Rand Paul might. And you never know; he might win.

Based upon this match-up, The Star-Ledger would pick Christie over Rand Paul. This is truly bizarre. Unless the Republicans had both houses of Congress, I don’t imagine Paul getting much done. Christie, on the other hand, with his prosecutorial hardball tactics? It might be like having J Edgar Hoover in the White House. But it would at least be like having Richard Nixon back in the White House.

In the end, the editorial seems to be a set up for their presidential endorsement in 2016. Assuming that Christie manages to survive his scandals, The Star-Ledger will be there to endorse him. They’ll start out by noting that he’s a bully and a liar and a criminal. They’ll go on to note that he isn’t actually any good at his job. And they’ll conclude, “Chris Christie 2016!” And in 2018 as Watergate 2.0 is breaking, they’ll write another article, “Chris Christie Endorsement Is Regrettable.”

Joseph Stiglitz and Carole King

Joseph StiglitzNote: Today in Thomas Paine‘s birthday. I screwed up and celebrated it on 29 January. I’m really sorry about this. I saw the “old style” calendar date and ran with it. What can I say, I got excited. Go and read what I wrote and you’ll see.

It was fifty years ago today
That the Beatles went on Ed to play
They have never gone out of style
But anymore they do not make me smile
So may I introduce to you
The act you’ve known for all these years
The Beatles on Ed Sullivan!

Watching these old performances, I’m reminded of two things: George isn’t a bad rhythm guitarist and Paul is a wonderful bassist. Otherwise: ugh!

The great singer and songwriter Carole King is 72 today. Before she became a legend as a singer, she was a songwriting legend with her then husband Gerry Goffin in the 1960s. I don’t know how many Top 40 hits, they wrote, but we are certainly talking dozens. They wrote songs such as “Take Good Care of My Baby,” “The Loco-Motion,” and “Pleasant Valley Sunday.” But their greatest song is probably “Will You Love Me Tomorrow.” She later covered the song on her megahit album Tapestry. And since I have a special fondness for her vulnerable take on the song, here she is doing it live:

Other birthdays: Hungarian mathematician Farkas Bolyai (1775); novelist Anthony Hope (1863); another Hungarian mathematician Lipot Fejer (1880); twelve-tone composer Alban Berg (1885); actor Ronald Colman (1891); illustrator Frank Frazetta (1928); songwriter Barry Mann (75); novelist J M Coetzee (74); singer and songwriter Barbara Lewis (71); and the fine actor Mia Farrow (69).

The day, however, belongs to the great economist Joseph Stiglitz who is 71 today. I know him from his popular books like The Price of Inequality and Freefall. But unlike with most economists, I actually understand his academic work. And it is really important. I get so frustrated hearing people with a small amount of economics knowledge say things like, “We can’t raise the minimum wage; it will cost jobs; it’s just simple supply and demand!” Sadly, this is more or less what I hear from real conservative economists who know far more economics than I do. Stiglitz’s work deals with what I think is a critical problem with all this economic theory. He showed the effects of information asymmetries on markets. And wouldn’t you know: he found that the supposedly perfect markets were anything but. Of course, Stiglitz is not the only one to work on information asymmetries. People have been working on that for a long time, but he was the one with the major breakthrough. I still find it amazing that conservatives hang onto neoclassical models of the economy. But I guess the money is better as an apologist than an economist. Here is Stiglitz giving a brief TEDx Talk:

Happy birthday Joseph Stiglitz!

Spiritualism vs Religion

Religion vs SpiritualismSince I just used an Atheist Eve cartoon, I was reminded of another of her cartoons where she takes people to task for being “spiritual” but not “religious.” With all due respect to my fellow atheists, this kind of determined ignorance is the main reason that I feel queasy about self-identifying as an atheist. In the cartoon, one character says, “I’m a spiritual person, but not religious. Know what I mean?” And the other character (presumably Atheist Eve herself) says, “Actually, I have no clue what you mean. Do you?” I don’t believe this for a second.

I too have my problems with the whole spiritual crowd. Their thinking on spiritual matters is usually very sloppy. What’s more, it is very easy: they believe whatever they want. They are rarely constrained by the implications of their belief because they don’t take it seriously enough to consider the implications. On the other hand, they aren’t dogmatic. They are open minded enough to search for answers themselves rather than accepting pat answers from religious authorities. And here is the best thing about these people: I can talk to them about spiritual matters without getting a load of crap like, “We know God loves us because it says so in John 3:16!”

Regardless of one’s belief system, there is still one unanswered question, “Why does anything exist?” Now it is possible that one day this question will be answered by science. But atheists who claim that natural selection and the big bang answer it are being disingenuous. There is only one way to deal with the question: define it as unanswered and move on. But it is wrong to say that those of us who do want to think about the question are just the same as people who think that God impregnated a woman so the child could die for the sins of the world. To me, serious spiritual thought is an extension of mathematics. I think, for example, that Godel’s incompleteness theorems tells us something about the nature of systems. Existence is paradoxical, but then so is algebra. The point of thinking about ontology is to gain insight that allow us to ask better questions. I’m not really interested in answers because I don’t think any exist.

I understand that most atheists will object at this point. “But that isn’t spiritualism, that’s math!” they will say. Not at all. Regardless of how you go about gaining insights, it is still spiritual thought. It is true that the character in the comic doesn’t think this carefully about spiritual matters. But that just takes us back to the fundamental problem with most atheists: they are constantly arguing against the most childish religious beliefs. I realize these are the most common beliefs, but the net effect is to devalue atheism itself. “Hippy punching” does not a great movement make.

There is a very general question here: if my interest in ontological questions is not spirituality, what is it? My belief is that there is some kind of process that explains the nature the existence but that it is outside what we think of as reality. If you wanted to, you could say that I was interested in negative theology. But I don’t like the idea of theology—it implies intention, which I don’t accept. So I’m going to continue to use the word “spiritual” because that is broadly what people mean when they use the word.

Except that isn’t how many atheists want to define it. That’s fine, they can do whatever they want. But it isn’t good for the movement. It makes atheism seem like the mirror image of Christianity: just another dogmatic system. I know that atheists will go into fits on reading this, “But religion is based upon faith and science is not!” Yeah, right. Every human uses faith throughout every day without having much idea they are even doing it. And this is why atheists largely do come off as closed minded.

If we want to make inroads with theists, we need to understand why people quite understandably believe in God. There are questions that people have that religion, while mostly doing a terrible job, tries to answer. I am extremely interested in these questions and it amazes me that most atheists are not. But that in itself is fine. The problem is that most atheists want to dismiss those who are interested in these questions. The questions are valid and valuable. And they should be treated with respect.

The big question for the atheist movement is whether it is going to be like Protestantism. Is it going to break up into a thousand pieces over minor issues of thought? Because I’m inclusive. I certainly think that anti-ontological atheists are limited in their thinking, but I would never say they don’t belong. And in truth, no one is especially questioning my place as an atheist. But I think “spiritual” neo-hippies are good candidates for our movement. Atheists tend to confuse their beliefs with science. They aren’t the same. Just as religion and spiritualism are not the same. If sloppy thinking prevented atheists from being part of the movement, there would only be a handful of people in the movement.

Afterword

Some may wonder why I don’t just use the word “ontology.” The reason is that most people I talk to have no idea what that word means. I have enough of a problem with people thinking I’m an ostentatious intellectual. I will admit, however, that “spiritual” is a difficult word. But it grounds any conversation in the right area without turning it into a discussion of dogmatic beliefs.

Why American Christians Feel Persecuted

Christian Persecution - Atheist Eve

Amanda Marcotte wrote an excellent article over at AlterNet last week, The Christian Right’s Bizarre Delusions of Persecution. She points out the way that Christians create scandals by breaking social norms and then, when they are corrected, claiming that they are being persecuted. The focus of the story is the retracted Oscar nomination for Bruce Broughton. He broke Academy rules by sending an email out to 70 members asking for their vote. In the conservative Christian press, this turned into, “Broughton was taken out of Oscar contention because he is a Christian!” It is all very sad.

I’ve thought about this a lot. And although I’ve come to a number of conclusions, on a gut level, it is still hard to understand how a religion that 80% of the country follows—that is followed by the richest and more powerful people as well—can be persecuted. Of course, it isn’t any different than the conservative claim that the only prejudice that remains in America is that against straight white males. But that isn’t reasonable either. The problem is one of definitions. When I use the word “persecution,” I mean something very different than they do.

As I’ve argued before, conservative Christians do not want equal rights. They most certainly already have that. They want special rights. To me, Christian belief is no more true than Norse mythology. I don’t especially care about either. But if anyone finds either religion helpful to them, that’s great! I’m not on a mission to convert anyone. The problem with Christians is that they are on a mission to convert everyone by any means necessary.

The fact that 80% of Americas do self-identify as Christian makes the more fervent individuals mistake their beliefs for facts. If less than half of the country claimed to be Christian—as it is in France—it would be harder for them to just assume that Christianity is fact. Of course, every religious believer thinks that his religion is true. But relatively few think it literally true. Unfortunately, in this country, almost half the people are fundamentalists who think that the Bible is the literal word of God.

It is understandable then, that these people think that it is an affront to God when others don’t believe. This gets to the whole Christian Right outrage machine about saying “Happy Holidays” instead of “Merry Christmas.” The issue there is that “Happy Holidays” is inclusive: Christmas is part of it. But that relegates Christianity to just another religion, not the One True Religion.

Thus, we are left with a religious group that thinks it is persecuted when others don’t accept it. Buddhists, for example, don’t have that luxury. They can’t look across America and conclude that they are being abused because the president didn’t mention the Dalai Lama in a speech. But Christians can, because they are an overwhelming majority in this country. They’ve been so pandered to over the years that they think they are persecuted when they aren’t pandered to.

My Long Dead Friend Robert Burton

Robert BurtonThe great mathematician and physicist Daniel Bernoulli was born in 1700. There are a lot of Bernoullis in the history of science. But Daniel is the guy you’ve actually heard of. He’s the guy who developed Bernoulli’s Principle. This is an application of conservation of energy for fluid flow. Basically: as a fluid flows faster, its pressure goes down. This is brilliantly explained in the image of Venturi Flow on Wikipedia. Bernoulli also made important contributions to statistics.

The great classical composer Joseph Leopold Eybler was born in 1765. He is probably best known today as a friend of Mozart. And it is perhaps fitting that the end of his career came when he had a stroke while conducting Mozart’s Requiem Mass. As a composer, he mostly wrote sacred music. But I’m not in the mood. So here is his Clarinet Concerto in B-Flat Major. It was written in 1798, when Eybler was still very much under the influence of Mozart:

The great novelist Jules Verne was born in 1828. I haven’t ever read him, even in translation. I think. Maybe I did when I was a kid. But I was shocked to read that in the he was probably the most translated author in the world in the 1960s and 1970s. Since then, he’s been second after Agatha Christie. So I should pick up one of his books. Around the World in Eighty Days sounds like fun, and it’s free on the Kindle!

Other birthdays: last of the Classical philosophers Proclus (412); satirist and poet Samuel Butler (1612); film director King Vidor (1894); actor Jack Lemmon (1925); musical composer Joe Raposo (1937); actor Nick Nolte (73); singer-songwriter Tom Rush (73); comedian Robert Klein (72); actor Mary Steenburgen (61); and actor Seth Green (40).

The day, however, belongs to the English scholar Robert Burton who was born on this day in 1577. He is best know for being a witty depressive. It was said that when he wasn’t depressed, he was “very merry, facete, and juvenile.” That sounds pretty much like all my closest friends. It also sounds rather like me. And being a depressive, he wanted to know about it and maybe even cure it. So he wrote one of those wonderfully idiosyncratic books that one occasionally delights to find, The Anatomy of Melancholy. Wikipedia describes it as, “Burton’s book consists mostly of a collection of opinions of a multitude of writers, grouped under quaint and old-fashioned divisions; in a solemn tone Burton endeavored to prove indisputable facts by weighty quotations.” It uses all of the “sciences” of the time including “psychology and physiology, but also astronomy, meteorology, and theology, and even astrology and demonology.” And it discussed various topics including “digestion, goblins, the geography of America.” Its digressive style is said to verge on “stream of consciousness.” And it is long. The first edition was 900 pages long, but later editions got longer as he added to it. Burton seems to have been the Jacobean Walt Whitman. He sounds like a complete delight. Reading about him made me feel so much less lonely in the universe.

Happy birthday Robert Burton!

Immigration Reform Won’t Save GOP

Dream ActDan Balz wrote an interesting article at the Washington Post this morning, The GOP’s Immigration Conundrum. But that doesn’t mean that I agree with his thesis. Like most Washington reporters, he thinks that it is very important that the Republicans do something on immigration.

In his defense, he doesn’t think that it is a silver bullet. He said, “Passage of immigration reform won’t necessarily win the next presidential nominee significantly more Hispanic votes. But its absence as a divisive issue in the nomination contest would give Republican candidates an opportunity to talk to Hispanic voters about new ideas or issues.” That’s fine, but the broader point is that if only the Republicans would engage with Latino voters, they could win them over. There is a much more fundamental problem than policy proposals.

I am more or less a classic liberal in terms of philosophical orientation. But there is also a cultural side to it. When I think of conservatives, I imagine big chested men with guns who are desperately afraid that someone will think they are secretly gay. When I think of liberals, I imagine a diverse coalition in which I am very much welcome. So culturally, I identify with the liberals. And I think this is a big part of the problem with Republicans appealing to Latinos. It doesn’t matter what policies the Republicans might come up with, Latinos know that Republicans do not welcome them.

In addition to this, there is the issue of authenticity. During the vice-presidential debate in 2012, Biden said something that I still think is brilliant. After Ryan claimed that it was Obama who had cut Medicare, Joe Biden said, “Folks: use your common sense. Who do you trust on this?” It’s the same thing with Latinos and blacks and most other minority groups. The Republicans have long used them as scapegoats and ways to get whites to vote Republican. They are still doing it. So they use their common sense and they vote overwhelmingly for the Democrats.

Now I understand that for people like Balz, the issue is that the Republican Party needs to change. So comprehensive immigration reform is the first step in that direction. But that’s not how Republicans look at it. To them it is, “Okay, I’ll do this one thing. But that’s it!” And look at what that one thing is! The pathway to citizenship in the old proposal was almost twenty years long. But even that was too generous. So they proposed legal status without any pathway to citizenship. But even that was too generous. Latinos are not fooled by this. They can tell that any legislation the Republicans pass will be only done for the sake of politics and will only be done with the greatest of resentment about the whole thing.

It’s great if people want to hope that the Republican Party will move back from the crazy cliff and become an old fashioned conservative party. But that won’t happen any time soon. The modern Republican Party has always reminded me of the line, “I know you are an all or nothing kind of guy. And since you can’t have it all, I am giving you nothing.” The Republican Party is little more than a list of rules of what they cannot do. That in itself is okay. We all have our lines in the sand. But the Republicans have so many lines that it is unable to do anything. The only thing that will make the Republican Party change is electoral defeat. And I believe that is coming.

Baby Elephant Transcends Zoo Concerns

Duncan Baby Elephant

Elephants are amazing animals. I was just reading about them on Wikipedia. They are, for example, one of the few animals to recognize themselves in the mirror. They also fashion objects into tools. For example, “An Asian elephant has been observed modifying branches and using them as flyswatters.” And they seem to feel emotion. Of course, whenever such a claim is made, some scientists start ranting about how we are anthropomorphizing them. This strikes me as very small minded and completely at odds with Darwin. After all, we didn’t get our emotions in a vacuum.

Given all of this, I do wonder about how much we interact with elephants. I’m definitely not keen on circuses and other performing elephants. And at this point, I really don’t know what I think about zoos. On the one hand, elephants don’t seem to live quite as long in captivity as they do in the wild. What’s more, living in a zoo has got to be pretty boring. I’m really not sure that is a life worth living. On the other hand, I’m still scarred from watching an elephant killed by a pride of lions in Planet Earth.

Regardless, it is hard not to be totally enchanted by the news from Texas, Houston Zoo Welcomes 400-Pound Baby Boy Elephant. He is named Duncan and is the son of Shanti, who was in labor only three minutes.[1] This is Shanti’s fourth child in captivity. According to zoo director Rick Barongi, “She’s just a great, perfect mom. Very attentive.”

The wonderful picture above is of Duncan as he learns how to make his 385-pound body walk. It is very hard to be cynical about this birth. Happy birthday Duncan!


[1] Note to God: you must really hate female humans to put them through the terrible birthing process you do. This is why I don’t believe that (If you exist at all!) you are a loving God. You are a total jerk.

H/T: Digby

Misogyny and Theft in the NFL

On Good Reasons for SuicideKathleen Geier wrote an excellent article over at Political Animal this morning, On the Raiders’ Cheerleaders Wage Theft Suit: No Pay for Practices, Unreimbursed Expenses, and $125 per 10-Hour Game. It provides a good overview of Josh Eidelson’s interview with two Raiders cheerleaders about the situation. And it is totally unacceptable.

For those of you who haven’t heard, cheerleaders are barely paid. Now this in itself shouldn’t have come as a shock to anyone. I remember this issue coming up decades ago when when the Dallas Cowboy Cheerleaders were all the rage. The take home: cheerleaders are paid only for the games and they are paid really poorly. For the ten hour game day, they are paid $125. By using a bit of algebra and assuming that they ought to be paid overtime for two of those ten hours, we get an an hourly wage of $11.36. Of course, they are only paid for the games; they are not paid for practices and they are not paid for charity events. And they are not reimbursed for their expenses. And they are not paid weekly or monthly; they are paid at the end of the year.

This part of the story is all very clear. It’s a workers’ rights issue. It reminds me of what happened last year at JPMorgan Chase. The company was slapped with the biggest fine in history. And what was the result? It fired 7,500 line workers and gave its CEO Jami Dimon a 74% raise. Football teams are quite profitable and that is saying something given that most people own them for prestige and not profit. Regardless, paying the cheerleaders a living wage during their brief careers would mean nothing to the bottom line of the teams.

I am well aware that people don’t go to football games to see the cheerleaders. But they are very much part of the spectacle that is the NFL. One of the reasons I find football so incredibly boring is that it is a very long game during which very little actual play takes place. It is very much like a war: hours of boredom with brief moments of violence. So part of making the event not seem so tedious is to liven it up with eye candy like the jumbotron and the cheerleaders. And the mascot.

That was the most amazing and upsetting revelation in the interview. On college teams, the mascot is part of the cheerleading squad. But in the NFL, this is not the case. Whereas the entirely female cheerleaders get $125 per game, the mostly male mascots get “between $30,000 and $65,000 a year.” This is the fact that takes the situation beyond simply workers’ rights. A lot of people have argued that the NFL is misogynistic. I don’t think there can be any clearer example than the way the sport teams treat their cheerleaders.

The whole thing reminds me of the rise of unions in Major League Baseball. The players only got a collective bargaining contract in 1968. Before that, the team owners claimed that they just couldn’t afford to pay the players more. And they said the same things that the owners will say about the cheerleaders today, “They don’t have to work for us!” And that’s true. But there is no doubt that the cheerleaders do add as much value to the game as the mascots and they should be paid as such. The owners have gotten a great deal up until now. That shouldn’t be used as an excuse to continue to mistreat the only female part of the NFL.

Russian Police Get Lucky

Get LuckyWill alerted me to the fact that the Russian Ministry of Internal Affairs choir will be performing a “rousing rendition of Daft Punk’s ‘Get Lucky’ before Friday’s Opening Ceremony.” Don’t be fool by the name, the Ministry of Internal Affairs are cops. I’m sure that Will sent it to me because he thought it was funny. And of course it is. But I can’t help but think that it could be even more than just amusing.

Let’s start with the fact that Daft Funk is a great band. I don’t know what “house” music is. To me, it is just funky pop music. Add to it the brilliance of Pharrell Williams and Nile Rodgers and you really have something. It is a lively, fun song. And you know what cops think of “lively, fun” things: they think they are arrestable. I’m sorry, call me a bigot if you want. But I don’t think of cops as fun loving. People who never lose their inner child just do not become cops. I actually have data on this somewhere. So I think it’s hilarious to see a bunch of cops singing, “We’re up all night ’til the sun; We’re up all night to get some; We’re up all night for good fun; We’re up all night to get lucky!”

But you know police work in the modern Russian Republic. It mostly involves standing by watching as government incited gangs brutalize gay citizens. So it will take on a whole new meaning when the cops sing the lyrics, “We’ve come too far to give up who we are…” Maybe the cops are telling us about who they really are. But truthfully, I always assume that people who are really anti-gay are latent homosexuals. I mean really, why do they care? But I digress…

What I thought about is how they might change the lyrics to “Get Lucky” to be more in keeping with official anti-gay Russian policy. After all, Homem-Christo and Bangalter may not be gay, but their music largely is. So the lyrics could use some tweaking. Something like this:

Like the legend of the phoenix
All ends with beginnings
What keeps the planet spinning
The force of love (but purely the heterosexual kind between a woman and shirtless man on horseback) beginning

We’ve come too far to give up who we are (unless, of course, we are dirty homosexuals who are preying upon kids)
So let’s raise the bar and our cups to the stars (unless, of course, we are dirty homosexuals in which case it is best to hide indoors)

We’re up all night ’til the sun
Beating up each fag as they come
Bloodied gays are key for good fun
We’re up all night to get lucky

I’m sure it will be a hell of a performance, regardless of what lyrics they sing. The truth is that I won’t see it. I have absolutely no interest in the Olympics. Even despite all the politics (and the Olympics are nothing if not politics), all the competitors are so closely matched that the events are meaningless. It’s hard to get too excited about one athlete being a tenth of a percent better than another. Plus, getting excited in that way is against the law in many locations.

Update (7 February 2014 9:51 pm)

Quite by accident, I happened to see a bit of the Olympics. I really needed to make some cookies and it was on the television. Anyway, I got to watch some of the “teams” parade into the stadium. It is shocking that people claim that it isn’t a political event. It is almost nothing but politics. I was also treated to a small group of American athletes bring shaming to our country by chanting, “U-S-A!” I hate that nationalistic crap.

Lewis, Dickens, and Philips

Sinclair LewisOn this day in 1812, the great novelist Charles Dickens was born. I admire him as a writer. He was a master storyteller. Just the same, I think that I’ve only ever read A Tale of Two Cities and The Adventures of Oliver Twist. I look at David Copperfield and Bleak House and (Good God!) The Life and Adventures of Nicholas Nickleby, and I just can’t bring myself to pick up the books. There is a difference between pacing and plodding. I have a theory. Every book ever written could be improved by being cut by 10%. The 19th century novels could generally be cut by 50%. Just saying.

The comedian Emo Philips is 58 today. I don’t have much to say about him. It is just an opportunity to present some of his act. He is one of the greats:

Other birthdays: philosopher Thomas More (1478); novelist Laura Ingalls Wilder (1867); mathematician G H Hardy (1877); great songwriter Eubie Blake (1887); saxophonist King Curtis (1934); actor Pete Postlethwaite (1946); actor James Spader (54); total fucktard Garth Brooks (52); comedian Chris Rock (49); and another fucktard Ashton Kutcher (36).

The day, however, belongs to the great American novelist Sinclair Lewis who was born on this day in 1885. Like most people, I know him from two novels: It Can’t Happen Here, about fascism coming to America in the form of a Huey Long or a Father Coughlin; and Elmer Gantry, a satirical novel about religion in the 1920s. The great thing about both novels is that they are as relevant today as ever. We have our fascist leaning politicians today, but they don’t offer economic populism, they offer social populism. And Elmer Gantry would require basically no changes to modernize it to today. Of course, Lewis is much more than just a political writer. He is arguably better than John Steinbeck in terms of creating vivid characters. There is perhaps no higher compliment I could pay.

Happy birthday Sinclair Lewis!