Russian Police Get Lucky

Get LuckyWill alerted me to the fact that the Russian Ministry of Internal Affairs choir will be performing a “rousing rendition of Daft Punk’s ‘Get Lucky’ before Friday’s Opening Ceremony.” Don’t be fool by the name, the Ministry of Internal Affairs are cops. I’m sure that Will sent it to me because he thought it was funny. And of course it is. But I can’t help but think that it could be even more than just amusing.

Let’s start with the fact that Daft Funk is a great band. I don’t know what “house” music is. To me, it is just funky pop music. Add to it the brilliance of Pharrell Williams and Nile Rodgers and you really have something. It is a lively, fun song. And you know what cops think of “lively, fun” things: they think they are arrestable. I’m sorry, call me a bigot if you want. But I don’t think of cops as fun loving. People who never lose their inner child just do not become cops. I actually have data on this somewhere. So I think it’s hilarious to see a bunch of cops singing, “We’re up all night ’til the sun; We’re up all night to get some; We’re up all night for good fun; We’re up all night to get lucky!”

But you know police work in the modern Russian Republic. It mostly involves standing by watching as government incited gangs brutalize gay citizens. So it will take on a whole new meaning when the cops sing the lyrics, “We’ve come too far to give up who we are…” Maybe the cops are telling us about who they really are. But truthfully, I always assume that people who are really anti-gay are latent homosexuals. I mean really, why do they care? But I digress…

What I thought about is how they might change the lyrics to “Get Lucky” to be more in keeping with official anti-gay Russian policy. After all, Homem-Christo and Bangalter may not be gay, but their music largely is. So the lyrics could use some tweaking. Something like this:

Like the legend of the phoenix
All ends with beginnings
What keeps the planet spinning
The force of love (but purely the heterosexual kind between a woman and shirtless man on horseback) beginning

We’ve come too far to give up who we are (unless, of course, we are dirty homosexuals who are preying upon kids)
So let’s raise the bar and our cups to the stars (unless, of course, we are dirty homosexuals in which case it is best to hide indoors)

We’re up all night ’til the sun
Beating up each fag as they come
Bloodied gays are key for good fun
We’re up all night to get lucky

I’m sure it will be a hell of a performance, regardless of what lyrics they sing. The truth is that I won’t see it. I have absolutely no interest in the Olympics. Even despite all the politics (and the Olympics are nothing if not politics), all the competitors are so closely matched that the events are meaningless. It’s hard to get too excited about one athlete being a tenth of a percent better than another. Plus, getting excited in that way is against the law in many locations.

Update (7 February 2014 9:51 pm)

Quite by accident, I happened to see a bit of the Olympics. I really needed to make some cookies and it was on the television. Anyway, I got to watch some of the “teams” parade into the stadium. It is shocking that people claim that it isn’t a political event. It is almost nothing but politics. I was also treated to a small group of American athletes bring shaming to our country by chanting, “U-S-A!” I hate that nationalistic crap.

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