I’ve been scarred. Really. Read on. I promise that I will not scar you unless you want to be scarred. It has to do with bird sex, so first we must discuss the way most birds have sex before getting to the way that one bird in particular has sex.
All birds have this thing called a cloaca from which they expel both urine and feces. This is true of all amphibians and reptiles and even some mammals as well. I’ve never really understood why we humans (and the vast majority of other mammals) have separate systems, and I’m not going to look it up now. I have important bird business to discuss.
Okay, so all birds have these things. Most birds also use the cloaca for sex, “This means that the same opening that excretes feces and urine is where eggs are laid.” So in Chicken Run when the two rats, Nick and Fetcher, refer to eggs coming out of chickens “bums” they are exactly right. (This is, by the way, the best way to learn biology: from animated features.) In case you are wondering, this is not the scarring part of the story — not even close.
The way that most birds mate is kind of cool. When they are ready for sex, their cloacae puff up. So the male balances on the back of the female. She splits her back feathers to allow access to her cloaca. He maneuvers his body so that their cloacae can touch — this is called a “cloacal kiss.” It only lasts a second or so, but that’s enough time for the seamen to get transferred. This makes sense. Imagine if humans had to copulate standing up in a hammock and you get the idea.
It seems like such a charming way to have sex. There is something kind of brutal about the whole penis and vagina arrangement. On the other hand, having a single orifice where urine, feces, and babies come out strikes me as kind of disgusting. I’m already freaked out enough that the urine and baby place is the same. Obviously, baby birds have the advantage that they come out in neat little packages.
Okay, so that’s how most birds have sex — like those pretty gulls above. But as I said, not all. In particular, the mallards have penises and vaginas. And they generally have the kind of sex lives that most animals have. The male and the female link up, have some sex, have some babies, and the guy goes on his merry. But the males who do not manage to find a mate will go after lone females and beat them up and turn them into a kind of sex slave. Of course, dolphins do the same thing. But you need to remember that this is not what scarred me. Humans partake of sex slavery, and that oh so holy Bible that people like to talk about being the source of all morality is absolutely fine with it.
What is scarring is the mallard penis. Mallard penises can be over a foot long. That’s about as long as the duck is itself. And it is corkscrew shaped. You can read all about it along with information about duck and sea otter necrophilia in a Dylan Matthews article, Seven Adorable Animals That Are Also Murderous Monsters. But be aware that if you click over, you will be treated to a duck penis becoming erect in slow motion. And once seen, it cannot be unseen.

Lauren Fox at National Journal has been doing a lot of good reporting about the upcoming Department of Homeland Security (DHS) shutdown. But I have to admit to being flummoxed by the whole thing. The Republicans seemed determined to create fights with no other point than to make President Obama look bad. And then more often than not, they fail even at that. I now have a bit more sympathy for
Really?! That’s what is going to make the Democrats do that? It isn’t, oh, I don’t know, six years of Senator McConnell doing exactly the same thing to the Democratic majority? That’s hard to imagine. But that actually circles back to Krauthammer. As I discussed before, he is delusional if he thinks that a government shutdown is going to be blamed on the Democrats. Everyone knows who wants a government shutdown. This is not an issue that can be finessed.
But as Jonathan Bernstein wrote yesterday,
Kevin Drum asks a fair question,
In 1973, Irwin Levine and L Russell Brown’s “Tie a Yellow Ribbon Round the Ole Oak Tree” was released by a band referred to as “Dawn featuring Tony Orlando” — for contractual reasons that have never been very clear to me. It eventually became Tony Orlando and Dawn, with “Dawn” apparently being Telma Hopkins and Joyce Vincent Wilson, even though that was not originally what the band name had meant.
On this day in 1564, the great Elizabethan playwright
It seems like only yesterday that Frankly Curious published its
Also, lest we forget, journalists are not entirely immune to the seductions of affluence. While they are not nearly as well paid as the nation’s corporate, legal, or medical elite, high-level Washington and New York journalists do make considerably more money than most Americans. They have spouses who do too, and hence, live pretty well. According to a study conducted by the sociologist David Croteau, 95 percent of elite journalists’ households earned more than $50,000 a year, and 31 percent earned more than $150,000. He points out, “High levels of income tend to be associated with conservative views on economic issues such as tax policy and federal spending.” And journalists are no different. The journalists’ views on economic matters are generally consistent with their privileged position on the socioeconomic ladder, and, hence, well to the right of most Americans. They are more sympathetic to corporations, less sympathetic to government-mandated social programs, and far more ideologically committed to free trade than to the protection of jobs than are their fellow citizens.
On Monday, Nicholas Bagley over at The Incidental Economist wrote,
Vindication! The European black rat, long blamed for the Black Death and for later waves of plague, has been exonerated. The real culprit, it seems, is the gerbil with its “cute” tail. Ha! All you rat haters out there can suck it! Not that I dislike gerbils. They are wonderful. I am fond of all my fellow mammals. But rats have been vilified for too long. And why?
The real culprit, of course, are the fleas. And it isn’t like the rats weren’t carrying the infected fleas on them. The problem seems to be that the plague was even more devastating to rat populations than it was to humans. So rats are not only not the culprit — they are one of the primary victims of the plague. So put that in your pipe and smoke it, you rat haters!
After my rant about the
On this day in 1707, the great playwright