I have had a very bad cough for almost three months now. I went to doctor and she told me if it didn’t go away in another month, I should come back. I figure I have tuberculosis and there is just a conspiracy of silence because everyone thinks that I don’t want to die. The fools! I laugh death. I guffaw at the grave. I snicker at slaughter. I chuckle at ceasing. I would do a good deal more if there were more matching synonyms for death and laugh!
But today I broke down and went to the store to get some generic Robitussin, which in this case turned out to be TopCare Tussin DM. And I was immediately annoyed. I get the damned thing home and I take it out of the box. The sealed box! And of course the bottle inside has its cap sealed in place. After all, some maniac could have taken the bottle out of the box, put poison in it and then glued the box back. I would have never known! I might have died peacefully in my sleep having never had to live blog the State of the Union address over at The Reaction (which was my idea, but that doesn’t make it any less annoying).
After clawing at the plastic on the bottle for five minutes like I’m a brain damaged kitten, I finally get to the cap. Then, after another five minutes, I manage to get the cap off, which was just one of those push down and turn numbers, but for whatever reason it was really hard to do. I assume they make it this way so that potential poisoners will be dissuaded. So finally, I have the top off and…
There is another safety cap on the bottle top!
This, of course, is to protect against the case when the poisoner gets the bottle out of box. Then he gets the plastic doohickey off the cap. Then he gets past the poisoner protection cap. But he finds that last bit of cardboard and screams, “Foiled again!”
I feel so god damned protected, I could scream from joy! (Well, I could scream anyway.)
 Or you might say that death is my bread and danger my butter: