On this day in 1571, the great Johannes Kepler was born. He is perhaps the greatest theoretical astronomer of all time. He’s the guy who made Copernicus’ idea work. It was fine to put the sun in the center of the solar system. But the truth was that it still didn’t work to predict the orbits of the planets. That’s because the planets don’t orbit in circles. Working with Tycho Brahe’s data, Kepler was able to show that the planets orbited in ellipses. And that made all the difference. Later, Newton figured out why that was and today we are able to send spacecraft to all the planets!

What a day for scientists! The great biologist Louis Pasteur was born in 1822. I’m sure you know about pasteurization: the process of heating and then cooling food to greatly limit the number of pathogens that are in it. You may well be alive today because of it. But Pasteur did much more than that. He discovered the principles of vaccination and microbial fermentation. He was a brilliant man, or as Michele Bachmann refers to him, “The Antichrist!”

The great actor and singer Marlene Dietrich was born in 1901. You could tell she was something special even in her early silent films. And that continued all through her career. I still mostly associate her with Touch of Evil. But there’s also this song:

Let me say something about not being grateful. This applies to a lot of actors who I actually like, but today, we’re going to talk about Gerard Depardieu. So he didn’t like paying taxes to the country that made him a star. Boo hoo! I hope he ends up in jail in Russia. I might be inclined to apologize for him if I thought he actually had any talent, but I’ve never seen the appeal of the man. He’s 65 today, so hopefully we will see him in no more films and will just die quietly in Russia.

Other birthdays: one of the most important aeronautical engineers ever, George Cayley (1773); actor Sydney Greenstreet (1879); one of my very favorite poets Charles Olson (1910); creepy sex researcher William Masters (1915); and useless journalist Cokie Roberts (70).

The day, however, belongs to the writer Sarah Vowell who is 44 today. She always has an interesting take on whatever she writes about. Basically, she writes history that is so personal that it reads more like personal essay. It is always fun to read. You should really listen to her live performance essay about “The Battle Hymn of the Republic.” If you don’t know her work, it will give you a good idea of why she is on my long and ever lengthening list of crushes.

Happy birthday Sarah Vowell!

It turns out that Joan Fontaine also died over the weekend. I’ve never much liked her, but I think that’s because of the kinds of roles she played. She was rather good in Suspicion, and generally later in career when she wasn’t typecast so much, like in Voyage to the Bottom of the Sea. It’s hard to be too sad that she has died, given that she was 96. But her older sister, Olivia de Havilland, is still kicking at 97.

The great Hindi poet Abdul Rahim Khan-I-Khana, better known as simply Rahim, was born on this day in 1556. Strangely, although he was Indian, his religion was Islam. He wrote a bit of poetry where he discussed how he gave money to beggars, “Sir, Why give alms like this? Where did you learn that? Your hands are as high as your eyes are low.” By this he means that he gives out charity with humility; he does not pretend that the act makes him superior. It is wisdom for all of us to take to heart. We should be grateful that we are able to give. It is a blessing.

The mathematician and physicist Emilie du Chatelet was born in 1706. She is best known for translating Newton’s Principia into French, which is still considered the standard translation. She also did much research, include work on fire that predicted the concept of infrared radiation. She was also very important in physics education of the 18th century. As I always note: she was a woman, which probably means she would be a household name if she had been born a man. Her lover Voltaire wrote that she was “a great man whose only fault was being a woman.”

It is a big day for scientists. The physicist Joseph Henry was born in 1797. He was basically the American Faraday. He did most of his work with electromagnetism. He discovered self-inductance, as well as mutual inductance, although Faraday published first and so gets the credit. He was also a great inventor, his work on the electromagnetic relay led pretty directly to the telegraph. The unit for inductance is named after him.

The great mathematician Mary Cartwright was born in 1990. She is best known for her work on chaos theory. She did this work with J E Littlewood, who coined the term, “The butterfly effect.” This is the idea that one couldn’t predict atmospheric dynamics perfectly, because a butterfly flapping its wings half a world away would have a large effect on the local dynamics. The atmosphere is a chaotic system. But don’t misunderstand. This is not the chaos theory that was all the rage in the 1980s. Cartwright was doing her work in the 1930s. I’ve never been too clear why more recently people have made a big deal of the study of highly non-linear systems. Physicists have been working on these problems for a very long time.

And Jorge Mario Bergoglio is 77 today. He is better known as Pope Francis and I’m sure you know a lot about him. He did not become a priest until the age of 33—I’m not sure how common that is. Before that, we worked as a nightclub bouncer. I’m curious to see what he does. Many people expect too much of him. But thus far, he has done a lot to improve the image of the Church. And that isn’t just marketing. He is the first Jesuit Pope, and that means a great deal. They are the most committed to interfaith dialog, for example. And they also profess poverty, something that has only barely been tolerated by the papacy for most of the history of the group.

Other birthdays: the great chemists Humphry Davy (1778); mathematician Sophus Lie (1842); post-impressionist painter Paul Cesar Helleu (1859); theater director Erwin Piscator (1893); actor Richard Long (1927); linguistics fan William Safire (1929); publisher Bob Guccione (1930); musician Art Neville (76); truly horrible human being and “journalist” Chris Matthews (68); comedian Eugene Levy (67); film editor Sally Menke (1953); and film director Peter Farrelly (57).

The day, however, belongs to the great writer John Kennedy Toole who was born on this day in 1937. Sadly, he killed himself in 1969, at the age of 31. He really only wrote one book, A Confederacy of Dunces. But it is such a great book. It’s impossible to say exactly why anyone kills himself, but it is certainly true that not being able to find a publisher for the book started his decline. It is hard to understand, because the book is brilliant from the first page. I like to think that he could have been our Cervantes. If you haven’t read the book, you really should. I mean: really. It is very humorous and wonderfully insightful. Most of all, it is a fun read. If you’ve read Life of Pi and not A Confederacy of Dunces, shame on you. Go now and read it! Toole clearly suffered for our benefit. Don’t ignore his sacrifice.

Happy birthday John Kennedy Toole!

On this day in 1755, the great American painter Gilbert Stuart was born. He was mostly a portrait painter, but he did a lot of stuff and his work is really beautiful. Unfortunately, he is known for what I consider a pretty boring unfinished painting. I’m sure you know it. If you are my age, it hung in your grammar school principal’s office. It is the painting of George Washington, also known as The Athenaeum.

The Austrian composer Anton Webern was born in 1883. He was the most important student of Arnold Schoenberg and his twelve-tone technique. But Webern took it further into what we now call “total serialism.” If anything, I like Webern better than later Schoenberg. But I like early Schoenberg a lot more than Webern. Twelve-tone technique is interesting. But it rarely if ever works for a whole piece. Take, for example, Opus 27: Variations for Piano. The third (last) movement is based upon the following tone row:

Having played around with it a bit on the guitar, I find that I can actually make it work in pleasant ways. But I’m no music genius. What Webern does with it is make it as difficult as possible for the listener. At this point, I’m quite familiar with the tone row, and I barely hear it. See if you can:

The great cinematographer Sven Nykvist was born in 1922. He is most associated with Ingmar Bergman, most notably in Cries and Whispers, which has a very distinct look to it. Americans are more familiar with his work on things like Bob Fosse’s Star 80 and Woody Allen’s Crimes and Misdemeanors. Interestingly, I just picked up Through a Glass Darkly to watch, most likely later today.

Other birthdays: activist Octavia Hill (1838); overrated direct Jean-Luc Godard (83); disgusting human being Ozzy Osbourne is retiring today; actor Daryl Hannah (53); and actor Julianne Moore is (53).

The day, however, belongs to Joseph Conrad who was born on this day in 1857. In my mind, he is so mixed up with Herman Melville. Of course, there really is no comparison. For one thing, they are two generations removed from each other. Although I tend to prefer Melville with his alcoholic strangeness, there is no doubt that Conrad is the better writer. While I would never call Milville sentimental, his work was old fashioned and labored. Conrad is in many ways the first American modernist novelist. Writing really didn’t change much from him until the publication of Naked Lunch.

Of course, it is hard for me to love Conrad too much. He was something of a philosophical whiner. A fatalist to the core, he couldn’t see any way for society to be organized correctly. I respect that sentiment. But in him, it took a nasty turn against democracy. The basic tendency was typical of men of his time. But a practical approach is always the best and I tire of people who think the only solutions to our woes are perfect theoretical constructs. Still, he left us a lot of good literature.

Happy birthday Joseph Conrad!

On this day in 1863, the French neo-Impressionist painter Paul Signac was born. He was most clearly influenced by Georges Seurat. But it is taken to extremes. What’s more, there are more modern aspects of his work—designs that remind me of Paul Klee but also that 1960s San Francisco sunburst kind of art. And his use of light in landscapes is like Monet, but again, taken to extreme. I think he is one of the most interesting artists of that period.

The great American general George S Patton was born in 1885. He was a fascinating guy—very much in the mold of Sherman. On the one hand, he was a terrible human being who thought that war was the ultimate expression of human creativity. On the other, if you’re going to have wars, you need men like him around. He is much better than the men who get us into war but claim that it is the last thing they want. I’m talking to you every president of the United States ever! As much as I like George C Scott’s portrayal of him, I think that it gives the wrong idea about him. It makes him coarser than he was and also more of a loose cannon. But I think as a society, we want to see great generals like that. It has certainly been done to Sherman and Grant, although in Grant’s case, it’s probably right.

The Wisconsin Senator William Proxmire was born in 1915. He was a great Senator, but his legacy is a pernicious one: the Golden Fleece Award. The idea was to point out government waste. Before getting to it, however, let’s just be clear: there really isn’t much waste in government. People always think there is because they don’t realize just how much the government does—including a lot of things for them. Do projects go over budget? Could the system be even more efficient? Of course! But we’re talking marginal stuff here. What’s more, most of the waste in government contracts is in the military. That’s the one area where conservatives never want to even think about cuts. Regardless, the Golden Fleece is used most every year to make fun not of wasteful spending but mostly just research contract titles with little or no understand of what the work actually is. I recommend checking out, Fighting William Proxmire with Golden Gooses.

Other birthdays: film director Rene Clair (1898); the great writer Kurt Vonnegut (1922); comedian Jonathan Winters (1925); my good Senator Barbara Boxer (73); President of Nicaragua Daniel Ortega (68); and then a bunch of actors: Stanley Tucci (53); Demi Moore (51); Calista Flockhart (49); Adam Beach (41); and finally the really annoying Leonardo DiCaprio (39).

The day, however, belongs to the great Russian author Fyodor Dostoyevsky who was born on this day in 1821. It’s always hard to discuss authors who wrote in a language you don’t read. But I’ve never gotten the impression that the sound of his writing was terribly important. In fact, I’ve always wished that translations would anglicize the character names. It can be hard to keep track of people. The main thing in his works, however, is the depth of the characters he creates. I’ve never read any of his early work. But the later stuff clearly shows the influence of his hardly rosy life. My preference is for those who find humor in tragedy, but there is nothing more compelling than men who stare into the abyss and explain in detail exactly what they see.

Happy birthday Fyodor Dostoyevsky!