Two Jokes and a Song for Scotland

Scottish FlagIn Amadeus, Mozart tells Emperor Joseph, “I’m a vulgar man…” Well, I’m not a vulgar man. At least I don’t think I am. Instead, I am a silly man. I delight in pretty much the same things I delighted in at five. And although I flatter myself that I have a sophisticated sense of humor, most of my writing is much more silly than clever. In fact, last night on the Colbert Report, the segment on Prince Hawkcat made me gasp for air because it was so funny.

This is why I bring you what many probably consider silly jokes. And given that today the Scots are voting on independence, I thought I would offer up a Scottish joke or two. But before that, let me just go on record about this vote. I really wish the independence movement had worked out their currency issue. It is certainly the case that we now know that countries need their own currencies so they can weather the various financial crises that will be brought on by the dark forces of the Power Elite. But overall, I think they ought to go for it. And they should blame it on Margaret Thatcher. And embarrassing David Cameron is a big boost.

What’s more, Roy Edroso makes a great argument for being in favor of Scottish independence: the people who are against it are such wankers like David Frum. Of course, if I had to bet, I’d say that it will not pass. I heard that in the lead up to our own Revolutionary War, only about a third of the country was in favor of independence. So it is a tough sell. But we’ll know soon enough.

In the mean time, here is a very silly joke by keta, posted over on alicublog (lightly edited for language):

This Scottish bloke goes on a skiing holiday to Canada. After a hard day on the slopes he retires to a bar at the bottom of the mountain.

Into about five or six whiskeys, he looks up and notices a stuffed animal with antlers on the wall.

He asks the barman, “What the hell is that?”

The barman says, “It’s a moose.”

The Scottish chap says, “Bloody hell! How big are the cats?”

In response, commenter Spaghetti Lee offered another good joke:

So this American is vacationing in Scotland. He goes into the local pub and says “I hear you Scots know how to hold your liquor. Well, I’ve got a hundred American dollars for the first man who can do ten shots of whisky back to back.”

No one takes him up on his offer. One man even gets up and leaves. About ten minutes later, he returns and says “Is your bet still good?”

The American says yes. The bartender sets up the shot glasses and the Scot downs them all back to back. The whole bar cheers and the American sheepishly hands over the money. “If you don’t mind me asking, where’d you go for those ten minutes?”

The Scotsman says “Ach, I went to the pub down the street to make sure I could do it, first.”

Good luck, Scotland! If it becomes independent, I think Oi Polloi’s “Don’t Burn the Witch” should be its national anthem:

I love these guys!

Put to death in flames and smoke
You were used as a scapegoat
Troubles blamed upon the witch
When they should’ve really burned the rich.

Get down on your knees in their church
You refused and worshipped the earth
They tried to stamp out all you stood for
Wise woman power and herbal lore.

Inquisition in the middle ages
Phallocentric Christian outrages
There are those who’d bring back those days
Don’t let the right-wing Christian nutters have their way.

Don’t burn the witch!

Update (18 September 2014 11:03 pm)

It went as I expected. The Los Angeles Times has reported, Scottish Voters Reject Independence From Britain. But it was closer than anyone would have predicted a few months ago. The vote went down 45-55. With that much discontent, this is not over. I hope that that the UK makes accommodation for Scotland as they have promised. But now that the pressure is off, I suspect that nothing will be done.

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