GOP Picks Perfect RNC Location!

Cuyahoga River FireI don’t want to hit this too hard, but it is funny as hell. The Los Angeles Times reported, Cleveland Picked to Host 2016 Republican National Convention. I’ve never been to Ohio, much less Cleveland. And I’m sure it’s a perfectly nice city with wonderful people. And I understand: Ohio is a swing state. Good choice Republicans! I guess.

There’s just this one little thing that bothers me. It’s the Cuyahoga River. You know: the river that caught fire. And not once. According to Wikipedia, “At least 13 fires have been reported on the Cuyahoga River.” This is because it has often been one of the most polluted rivers in the United States. It’s not on fire right now, but that’s only because the Republican Party is not able to dictate environmental policy. Otherwise, I’m sure the free market would have it all ablaze.

The big city on the Cuyahoga River is, of course, Cleveland. Randy Newman was being sarcastic when he wrote:

Cleveland, city of light, city of magic!
Cleveland, city of light, you’re calling me!
Cleveland, even now I can remember,
‘Cause the Cuyahoga River
Goes smoking through my dreams!

But what could be a better symbol of the Republican Party: a river so polluted that it self-immolates. The modern Republican Party has become toxic with its mixture of insanity, stupidity, deliberate ignorance, shortsightedness, hatefulness, and greed. And through the smoke and flames it can’t see that America is drifting ever further away from it. In fact, the party hallucinates due to smoke inhalation—thinking that it is just what the country is waiting for.

“There’s a red moon rising on the Cuyahoga River”!

Burn on big party—burn on!

3 thoughts on “GOP Picks Perfect RNC Location!

  1. Actually … lovely place, Cleveland. Home of Chase Western Reserve University, once upon a time two separate schools, WRU and Chase Institute of Technology — which 40 years ago was on a par with MIT and Caltech. Also in Cleveland, The Symphonic Orchestra, headed for many years by George Szell, and generally regarded as one of the world’s best. And the Cleveland Indians baseball team, which was pretty important in the 1950s.

    So. Cleveland’s part of the Midwest, and it’s diminished, I admit, as most of the major Midwest cities have these past 50 years. But in its prime, it was Major, more than Houston or Atlanta are today, it rivaled Chicago and Detroit, and if the rust ever gets knocked off the Rustbelt, Cleveland will be back and it will be important again and an important major American city again.

    So. Don’t sneer.

    (Did I mention, I guess I didn’t, I’m a Buckeye by birth, and still am a bit by inclination, though I haven’t been an official Ohio resident for 50 years. Silly to talk about "loyalty" to a state, I know, 150 years after the Civil War which did away with that kind of parochialism, but … there we are.)

  2. @mike shupp – When I was a little one and wanted to be a great composer, I looked seriously at the Cleveland Institute of Music–at the time at least, one of the best schools in America for aspiring composers. So I’m not against Cleveland, actually.

    I think it’s fine to be fond of a state. I’ve lived in three different ones, and I love them all. Of course, according to [i]American Nations[/i] they are all part of the same nation: the Left Coast. But be proud!

    Also: I love that song–the whole album, actually. So any excuse I have to use it. This is not the first time I have.

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