one rat short – better with cheetos

i want cheetosdear frankly curious reader,

wendy here again. you could probably tell from the lack of capital letters. it’s not that i cannot type capital letters. I CAN. I CAN PRESS THE ‘CAPS LOCK’ KEY AND TYPE ALL THE CAPITAL LETTERS I WANT.

but if i am to use capital letters properly, i have to do a lot more work. and this is hard enough. as you humans like to say[colon] anyway…

it’s kind of like the french phrase je ne sais quoi. but that literally means, ‘i don’t know what.’ so once again, we see that the french are more honest than the americans. anyway… why don’t you just say, ‘i don’t know.’ it would be a good start — for the whole country. but i’m getting sidetracked. and i have another sidetrack i need to get to before i get to what i came here for.

where is frank?

it’s daytime. so where is frank? well, he got himself sucked into his toastmaster thing. so he’s off at a ‘leadership’ training all day.

now frankly [opening parenthesis]ha ha[closing parenthesis], i don’t see that he needs any more outlets for talking. all he does all day long is talk to himself. it’s quite annoying, really. but i’m a forgiving rat. we all have our little foibles. and this toastmaster thing does get him out of the room more.

it’s wendy if you please

as you should know, my name is wendy fink. that’s wendy with an ‘e.’ let me emphasize that[colon] wEndy.

geez, i have to catch my breath.

so because any article published here is immediately posted on the frankly curious facebook page, some wag wrote, ‘It’s no mystery who authored this creative piece. Everyone knows its Wendy.’

[opening parenthesis]that’s right, i can copy and paste. oh isn’t it amazing[exclemation mark] the rat can copy and paste[exclemation mark]. you people disgust me.[closing parenthesis]

so okay, the guy — who has an icon that looks like a puppet’s vagina — is referencing perhaps the most anemic band ever, the association, doing their 1967 number 1 hit — with a bullet — ‘windy.’ note that’s windy with an i. i’ll emphasize again[colon] wIndy.

you know[colon] the word you would use to describe the weather when there is a lot of wind. what is wrong with you americans and your name spelling[question mark] and the song was written by a woman whose first name is misspelled as far as i’m concerned[colon] ruthann friedman. but what do i know, i’m just a rat that learned english and how to use a computer.

so frank posts the song. like that’s going to make it better because everyone will see immediately that the song obviously refers to some human because no rat would be so silly as to name a child after bad weather.

but here it is, since i know you’ll want to listen to it now[colon]

okay, brian cole looks pretty cool, but how can you not playing that bass. he died of a heroin overdose just five years later. he was just 29 with three kids. i hope the royalties kept coming in. je ne sais quoi.

one rat short

now i’ll make a guess, not being there in 1972, but i assume cole was injecting that heroin. he’d have to be — heroin was at an all-time low in terms of purity — just 3 percent by some estimates. maybe someone just smothered him and they blamed it on the heroin. it wouldn’t be the first time someone snapped over that low-e string.

but the injection got me thinking about the rat romeo and juliet[colon] one rat short by the animator alex weil.

now i’m not saying i don’t have my problems with this film. i don’t know what all that rat fighting at the beginning is all about. rats really aren’t like that. and there’s a little bit of furism going on where the black rats are vicious and the brown rat is good but from the wrong side of the roof and the female is virginal white.

but you could say the same thing of any of shakespeare’s works, so i guess it’s okay.

this is a very sweet and sad film. and trust me, humans do much worse to us than that. then again, you do much worse to each other. humans really have a lot to learn from rats.

so take a look at it. i did go to the trouble of finding it and copying and pasting the embed code. that is no easy feat for my feet. i tell ya, i should find an open mic somewhere. what hilarity[exclemation mark]

are you still here[question mark] watch the film[colon]

keep those letters coming

the email has been piling up since my last post. i’m just kidding. no one has written. but i am serious that you can write to me at rat at and i will answer your questions, assuming you don’t annoy me too much.

my next post will be an advice column, whether any of you write to me or not. i’ve got loads of questions saved up like, ‘how long before humans go extinct[question mark]’ not soon enough for the planet[exclemation mark]

that’s not that to say that i don’t have a certain fondness for you hairless apes. my opinion would go up if frank would start eating cheetos. and if you don’t get that then you didn’t watch the film and i am so not in the mood for it.

sally fink signature

This entry was posted in Film, TV & Theater, Social by wendy fink. Bookmark the permalink.

About wendy fink

i am a rat who has infiltrated frankly curious. i'm well aware that this is all very archy and mehitabel. but this is real. there's no way a cockroach could use one of those old manual typewriters. and anyone, who would you rather get life guidance from: a rat or a cockrock[question mark]

6 thoughts on “one rat short – better with cheetos

  1. Hi Wendy! (And, no, I’m not above shamelessly showing off my ability to use Capitalization Whenever I Damn Well Please. My kind lords it over yours, for now, and you better not be getting no uppity notions.)

    I enjoyed the film, and looked up who the “writer/director” was (these things are made by small armies, and the look of the film was the best part). He used to make music videos! In the 1980s! Made “You Might Think” by The Cars (cars are things we run you over with). That’s a guy who’s been at it awhile…

    • >My kind lords it over yours, for now, and you better not be getting no uppity notions.

      I want the rats to note that I have been loyal to you from the beginning. I, for one, welcome our new rat overlords

      Seriously, you guys will be better than what we have now

      A moldy turnip would be better than what we have now

      • Yeah, but it is interesting that male rats really aren’t nearly as nice as male rats. They don’t bite or anything — normally. But in the chocolate experiment that made thinking people rethink rats, it was only the female rats that left chocolate for their captive mates. But rats are more communal than humans. So yeah, I say, let ’em take over. They’d never elect a Trump rat as president. For one thing, there is no Trump rat. There are Trump tapeworms, however.

    • Okay. You not only mock Wendy for lacking a proper-sized keyboard but then you mention the violent death of rats and their short lifespans?! You need to spend more time around rats, young man!

  2. Hi, Wendy!
    Don’t know if you got my letter, so I’m putting it here:

    Pleased to meet ya. I hope this doesn’t sound speciest, but some of my best friends have been rats
    Okay, so no archy and mehitabel. What would you recommend I read?
    Oh, and see if your computer has a “sticky keys” option. Just a suggestion

    • That’s an excellent idea, Dave! I’m sure that Wendy will respond in time. I’ve been monopolizing the computer I’m afraid. I’ve been thinking of leaving the kitchen computer on for her. But I fear this will just lead to a novel-length essay on the mistreatment of rats. And then, I couldn’t even publish it because it would be in the public domain because US law does not allow rats to own copyrights.

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