Trump’s Penis Is Important to His Supporters

Not Donald Trump's PenisWill sent me a video, Donald Trump: Show Us Your Penis. People want to know if Trump’s penis is as big as he says it is. The video’s been out for a few days and still has less than a million views. How is that even possible? If a video with that title doesn’t go viral, what has become of the internet? I mean it. Even if the video was terrible, it should have at least ten million views. And the video is not terrible; the video is amazingly good. It gets the tone perfectly right.

Previously, Rubio had made mention of Donald Trump’s hands being small. This supposedly means that he has a small penis. I’d never heard that. I have certainly heard of the foot-penis correlation and assumed that it was an urban legend. And it is. I mean, why would there be a correlation? How about nose or ear size? You might as well be measuring the bumps on a man’s head. But anyway, Rubio made fun of Trump’s hands, because Rubio decided that the way to beat Trump was to sink to his level. And that has worked out as well as you might think, given that Rubio placed third or fourth in every primary yesterday.

Trump Couldn’t Let Go of Trump’s Penis

But Trump couldn’t let the whole thing go. At the last Republican debate, Trump said, “He referred to my hands: if they’re small, something else must be small. I guarantee you, there’s no problem. I guarantee you.” So: Trump’s penis is amazing, like everything else about him. But the whole thing shows that even when the other Republicans sink to Trump’s level, he can sink lower without it having any effect on his campaign. Trump won Michigan easily last night. And in Mississippi, he came close to getting a straight out majority. That was as close to a head-to-head contest as we’ve seen, and Trump got 47.3% — 11 percentage points more than Ted Cruz.

The brilliance of this video is that it is somber. It treats the size of Trump’s penis very seriously. Rubio introduced it to the race. Trump kept the issue alive and has now made a falsifiable claim. Or to be more accurate: he implied a falsifiable claim. Because apparently, 80% of women have difficulty reaching orgasm through vaginal stimulation alone. So maybe that’s all he means; maybe he gives good “face.” And I’m sure if you asked him, Trump would tell you that he gives great face. No one is better at giving face than he is. You wouldn’t believe it. And if you question him, his tongue just got ten inches longer.

But the people in the video want proof. They want to know how big Trump’s penis is — or at least if “there’s no problem”:

But I find the whole thing disturbing in that I suspect that Trump supporters do care about the size of his penis. Being supporters, they just take it for granted that a man that belligerent, with that much swagger, must have a big penis. It’s all about this idea of physical power. Last week, Bobby Jindal argued that it was Obama’s “cool, weak and endlessly nuanced” nature that brought us Trump. But we know that isn’t the case. The Republican base has been begging for Trump ever since Reagan left office.

The truth is, there isn’t much difference in most people’s minds between a “strong man” and a strongman. And when it comes to Trump supporters, its all the same. It’s the cult of personality just as sure as it was for Mussolini. Or Kim Jong-il. Remember when he played golf and got 5 (later 11) holes in one? I’m sure the true believers in North Korea assumed he had a very big penis too. The biggest. You wouldn’t believe it.

5 thoughts on “Trump’s Penis Is Important to His Supporters

  1. A million hits on the video seems about right bearing in mind how much this particular prick has been exposed already.

    • Ha! Yes, it could be Trump fatigue. But it was more a rhetorical flourish on my part — a way of getting into the subject, so to speak.

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