Back in 2006, Father Guido Sarducci released a Christmas album, One Hundred Bulbs on the Christmas Tree Party. He said at the time that he hated Christmas songs. And this had inspired him to write “the worst Christmas song ever” even though he realized that “the bar has been set high.” The song, “One Hundred Bulbs (on the Christmas Tree),” is based on what he calls the worst song ever written, “One Hundred Bottles of Beer on the Wall.”
Despite what you might think, it really is just the countdown of bulbs falling from the Christmas tree. But Novello has a commentary on top of it where he complains about various Christmas songs. He starts with “The Little Drummer Boy.” He has a theory that it wasn’t an angel who went to the kid, but the Devil. And the Devil did it just to get the kid to write the song to torture us all these years. It’s a good theory, and I would add to it that the Wikipedia article claiming that it only dates back to the 1950s is all part of the Devil’s evil plan.
Don Novello goes after a number of other songs. In discussing “Holly Jolly Christmas,” he says it is by “the man of the name Burl Ives — I’ll mention him by name!” After that, he engages in a surprisingly charming murder fantasy. Despite all the comedy — much of it hillarious — by the end of it, you do want to strangle the choir. But you should listen to all of the almost 15 minutes of the song. It will be a sign of you stamina and good health.