You may have forgotten that Big Chicken was considering a campaign for president of the United States. (Certainly, the United States had.) You may be thinking to yourself, how can anyone run for president when his stance on every public issue has to begin with the phrase, “To the best of my recollection…”? You may ask yourself, hey, isn’t this the guy whose former aides are currently singing the Alleluia chorus to various grand juries? But he’s back now with some bold thoughts about the country’s “entitlement crisis,” and it is clear that Big Chicken has signed onto granny-starving in a big way. Oh, dear Lord, Joe Scarborough and David Brooks are going to be fighting over who will be first to touch the hem of his garments.

—Charlie Pierce
The Passion of Big Chicken: Bad Ideas Come in Big Packages