A Modest Proposal for Israel-Palestine

Hiroshima BombI have a modest proposal for the Israel-Palestine conflict: genocide. It’s time tested. After all, if the conflict were going on 500 years ago, the Israelis would have just gone in, slaughtered all the Palestinians who weren’t able to flee, and the conflict would be over. And would it really matter? Yes, there would be people who would be very upset. But there already are! Why should Israel care? They are the only country in the region with nuclear arms and they have the biggest military. Plus, anything the United Nations would try to do would be vetoed by the United States. So I say: go for it!

Now I know what you bleeding heart liberals will say, “Just because you got bumped out of art school by a better Jewish painter doesn’t mean you should commit a genocide against the Jewish people.” I see that point, but you have to draw a line somewhere. For example, some Palestinian idiots fire a couple of rockets into Israel wounding two people. So the Israelis respond in their usual proportional way. They didn’t go after the people that fired the rockets, of course. They just did their usual (And totally justified!) collective punishment, which killed at least 23.

This, of course, is following the kidnapping of three Israeli youths. It appears to have been a usual thing where thugs kidnap people and exchange them for money. But when it became a political issue, they thought it was best to just kill them. [Update: it now seems it was a Hamas splinter group that did it. -FM] This led to some sicko Israeli folks kidnapping a Palestinian youth and then burning him alive. So let’s see there. Step one: unpolitical act of murder by individuals. Step two: political act of torture murder by extremists. Step three: political act by extremist Palestinian faction. Step four: official Israeli attack on Palestinian population.

It’s not a good situation. And I know that many conservatives in the United States will say that the at least five Palestinian children who were killed in the recent attack should have been born to different parents or something. So given that it is perfectly acceptable to kill civilians if you think you have just cause (Defined as: whatever!) why don’t we just get systematic about this!

Of course, it will be sad to see all the Palestinians killed. But we’ll get over it. I mean who remembers the genocide of the Ottoman Empire? Who cares about the American genocide of the native peoples? All of them would be dead by now anyway. So in a hundred years, who will really care?

But let me be clear: it doesn’t have to be an Israeli genocide of the Palestinians. It could be the other way around. It is just that there are problems. One is militarily, the Palestinians really aren’t up to it. What’s more, if they did manage to do it, the United States wouldn’t be there to protect Palestine at the UN because we only believe in justifying absolutely everything that Israel ever does.

What’s really great about my idea is that the Palestinians are hardly clean in this matter. Sure, there’s about a thousand to one Israeli reaction to anything Palestinians do. But the Palestinians aren’t a bunch of Jains out sweeping the road in front of them to make sure they kill no living things. And it certainly doesn’t help that Hamas can’t decide if it’s a government or a revolutionary group. It was sad that they supported the murder of those three Israeli youths. So the point is that Israel has justification for attacking Palestine. And they don’t ever seem to be concerned about an appropriate level of force. So let’s get some of those nukes out. Let’s get this over with!


Of course, the two countries could act as adults and not allow the extremists on both sides to destroy diplomatic efforts. But I’m sad to say that this idea is even more fanciful than my modest proposal.

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About Frank Moraes

Frank Moraes is a freelance writer and editor online and in print. He is educated as a scientist with a PhD in Atmospheric Physics. He has worked in climate science, remote sensing, throughout the computer industry, and as a college physics instructor. Find out more at About Frank Moraes.

0 thoughts on “A Modest Proposal for Israel-Palestine

  1. Ballsy. The thing about who remembers the Armenians and Native Americans — very ballsy. I remember who said that first. But it is, as you put it, a modest proposal.

    Incidentally I’m trying to be Jain about this single fly that’s been annoying me for twelve hours. How long do they live? Because I do want it dead.

    Honestly I should just stop reading the news. I’m trying to avoid this latest episode of Long Horrible Story. But I don’t suppose ignorance is total bliss.

  2. @JMF – I’m just glad you are the only one to comment on it! Obviously, I’m doing a Swift. But I am making an honest point about how the Israeli retaliations tend not to be proportionate. And I think this is really starting to turn America away from Israel. For a long time, we saw them as victims. It is hard to see them that way today. Yes, they are widely hated. But it is also true that they could defeat the whole region in a war. I really think it is in Israel’s best interest to fix this problem, but the conservatives in the country really don’t want to. And I think the time for a two state solution may be gone.

    As for houseflies: they live between 2-4 weeks. They are fascinating. Females usually only have sex once. They save sperm from that one act to lay fertilized eggs for the rest of their lives. I know some women who would prefer that system. But it does limit genetic diversity. Also: in my other article, did I mention that houseflies live in Antarctica now?

    Just the same, since I wrote that article, I’ve killed a number of flies. Since it cooled down, they started buzzing me. Or maybe the word’s out about my article.

    I would love to be a Jain, but I am far too selfish. But if I learned that I could eat bread, rice, and potatoes, it might be possible. But all of them are most delicious with a little butter. Yeah, it ain’t gonna happen. Wait, maybe they can eat butter. It doesn’t kill the cow.

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