Easter Sucked!

JesusIt occurred to me that I haven’t written anything to spoil Easter. The truth is that I don’t hate Easter so much. It’s on a Sunday, and things are always crummy on Sunday anyway. And it is mostly just a morning holiday, so it doesn’t get in the way of the little life there is normally on Sunday. And perhaps most of all, even though it is the hardest core of the hard core Christian holidays, mostly Christians just celebrate it amongst themselves without bothering the rest of us.

Really, where is the outrage about the “war on Easter”? No one seems to care that we secularists don’t understand the “reason for the season.” I don’t suppose it is much of a mystery why we don’t get this. Easter is basically a zombie story. Jesus is crucified on Friday where he suffered a whole six hours for all the sins of humanity. Then he was entombed. Then his body rose from the dead and a few people saw him, but not all recognized him.

You know, that’s an interesting thing. The story from Luke is that a couple of Jesus’ followers meet up with a man. They chat, they eat, he vanishes. Then they think, “Hey, I’ll bet that was Jesus!” This is typical of the reaction of believers to failed prophecies. After the prophecy fails, they justify how it actually did happen, it’s just that it happened differently that they had thought it would. So a guy comes around and they don’t know him. But after he’s left they convince themselves that he was Jesus. Not that I’m suggesting that the story is true.

Anyway, the bodily resurrection of Jesus Christ after three days in the desert sounds like something out of a horror movie. When he appears to the women, he tells them not to be afraid. You can understand why: his rotting flesh hanging from his bones. In addition to everything else, the smell must have been incredible.

But apart from the religion of the day and all the cute bunny rabbits and eggs, the nature of today being a holiday did, in fact, really screw me up! I was coming back from San Francisco on the bus. Had it been late, I would have ridden the bus all the way to the Golden Gate Transit base. That would then give me about a two mile walk home—nothing too bad. But since it was early, I got off downtown, figuring I would take the city bus straight to my place. I really had to go to the bathroom anyway, but as I got off the bus, I noticed that the place was strangely vacant. When I went to the bathroom, I found it locked. Then I realized it was Easter and none of the city buses were running. So I went over to the mall. It was closed! Anyway, I managed to finally get a ride home. But it made me resent Easter in a whole new way.

Now, had Jesus pulled up in a car and given me a lift home, I’d have to rethink my entire theology.

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About Frank Moraes

Frank Moraes is a freelance writer and editor online and in print. He is educated as a scientist with a PhD in Atmospheric Physics. He has worked in climate science, remote sensing, throughout the computer industry, and as a college physics instructor. Find out more at About Frank Moraes.

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