Chris Christie Is No Laughing Matter

Chris ChristieYesterday, when I saw Chris Christie’s press conference, one line really stood out to me, “I was done with my workout yesterday morning and got a call from my communications director…” I had a feeling that was going to make a lot of people laugh. “Chris Christie working out?” But I know that’s the truth. He’s an ambitious guy. He wants to be president and he knows that his weight stands in his way. What’s more, like most fat people, I’m sure he is painfully aware that most people think that his weight reflects poorly on character—incorrect as that belief may be. So I’m sure he is trying to do a Mike Huckabee.

Look: I loath the man. He is a great example of what’s wrong with American politics. He talks populist, but his politics are entirely elitist. He got the people of New Jersey to vote for him despite the fact that they disagree with him on every major policy question in modern America. And above all, he’s a bully. I don’t really care about his physical weight, but he throws his metaphorical weight around and abuses the least among us. The fact that those calling themselves Christians voted for him is sad. The fact that he calls himself a Christian is absolutely unbelievable.

So I think the man should be despised and has no business being in our public life. But I don’t think we should laugh at his attempts to get his weight under control. The truth is that being on the pudgy side is actually much more healthy than being “sit-com fit.” But I’m afraid that Chris Christie is quite a ways past the optimal weight. (Even still, his high weight and excellent healthcare will doubtless beat my optimal weight and terrible healthcare.) So we should applaud Christie’s efforts to deal with his weight.

Good God! The man is waking up early and working out. Do you know what I’m doing at that hour? Trying to stay asleep so I don’t have to deal with the day. Hey, we all have our crosses to bear. Christie apparently eats a lot and I don’t really like leaving the house. I tried to start an Agoraphobics Anonymous group, but no one would ever come to my house; and I couldn’t go to theirs. Sorry about that, the joke just came to me and I had to share it. Moving on…

I got around to watching last night’s The Daily Show and the Colbert Report. Neither show was so low as to make a joke about Christie’s morning workout. But each of them included that part of the press conference. And on both shows, the line got a big laugh. And I understand. It is all about what we as a society think of fat people: they are lazy and gluttonous. Well, I don’t think that’s Christie. The seven deadly sins are: wrath, greed, sloth, pride, lust, envy, and gluttony. Based upon everything I know about Christie, I would have to put wrath, greed, and pride well above sloth and gluttony. It does, however, highlight what an awful human being he is.

But I think it is wrong to laugh at the man about that. That’s especially true when I’m pretty sure his wrath (hatred of his enemies), greed (power lust), and pride (just listen to him) will win out over gluttony and sloth. In fact, I think I already see it. He looks better than he did a year ago. Regardless, Christie should be taken very seriously—just like a venomous snake.

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About Frank Moraes

Frank Moraes is a freelance writer and editor online and in print. He is educated as a scientist with a PhD in Atmospheric Physics. He has worked in climate science, remote sensing, throughout the computer industry, and as a college physics instructor. Find out more at About Frank Moraes.

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