Jokes to Tell Grandma

This has been on my mind for some time. I come upon jokes now and then that are both amusing and sweet. And so I’ve been thinking that I should package them up as jokes you can tell at family gatherings. There is something else about the jokes. Most of the jokes I really like are very meta. For example, one of my favorite jokes is, “A priest, a rabbi, and a pastor walk into a bar and the bartender says, ‘What is this, a joke?'” I’m also very fond of quasi-intellectual jokes. For example, “Is it solipsistic in here, or is it just me?” Or the easier, “How many surrealists does it take to screw in a light bulb? Fish!” These are not especially great jokes for most of my family. But more to the point, they are a little too clever for people in their 70s, 80s, and 90s.

So I put together the following video with three of my favorite “sweet” jokes. Will pointed out that the sound is terrible. This is true. In fact, if you turn up the sound, you can hear the camera motor running. Maybe some day I will get an external mic that will work with the damned thing. Until then, I’m afraid that the technical quality of the videos is about the same as the my onscreen acting. But if anyone wants to loan their equipment or face, I am more than willing!


The following is Will’s kids’ favorite joke. It has long been on my list, but you can’t really do it alone:

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About Frank Moraes

Frank Moraes is a freelance writer and editor online and in print. He is educated as a scientist with a PhD in Atmospheric Physics. He has worked in climate science, remote sensing, throughout the computer industry, and as a college physics instructor. Find out more at About Frank Moraes.

0 thoughts on “Jokes to Tell Grandma

  1. Know how radio personalities never look in real life the way you pictured them in your mind?

    This video was pretty much EXACTLY how I pictured a writer of this blog would be. Unassuming, slightly disheveled, and a touch anal. Very funny stuff!

  2. I suppose we’re all assuming, in our own fashion. The trick is to hide it! ;)

    Don’t sell old people short on their tolerance of filthy humor. Here’s two I heard from a nonagenarian (now dead, alas, but that’s what happens. Why can’t assholes die instead of the decent people? It’s a very unintelligent design.)

    Woman in a nursing home strips, shakes her booty in front of a male resident, and shouts "Supersex! Supersex!" The man, glumly, responds, "soup."

    Woman in a nursing home (yep, that was the theme, can you blame the teller?) says to a male resident, "if you show me your penis, I can guess how old you are." The man, utterly taken aback, says "no way" and drops trou. The woman, not missing a blink, says "you’re 84."

    "I don’t believe it," the man stutters. "How could you tell?"

    "Because," the woman responds, "you told me yesterday."

    Nursing home jokes! The perverted old bastards do tell them. (Although the lady who told me these said "potty" instead of "penis," since, you know, some things are just improper to mention.)

  3. My 83 year old Ukrainian born Grandmother told me a story about a girl named Virginia, who had all the guys in the neighborhood scared to death after the Sunday New York Times headlined that:

    Four Men Die Laying Virginia (Pipilini) Pipeline

    Swear she only spoke 100 words of English!

  4. Gentlemen – I do know that the elderly enjoy dirty jokes. But it is certainly far more acceptable for grandma to tell [i]you[/i] a dirty joke than the other way around!

    But in truth, [i]I[/i] am the fan of the sweet joke. However, I would like to do a video of meta-jokes. But right now, all I can think of are two, and one of them is the most offensive joke I’ve ever heard. It is so offensive, I have never told it to anyone and I doubt I would be willing to say it in a video. But if you know any meta jokes, let me know.

    Albert Brooks is the king of meta-humor. The following is only funny because of its self referential nature (apart from its pure silliness, which I suppose would be funny).


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