There’s a joke going around Sweden, “Why did the wildebeest cross the road? Because it tastes like chicken!” That joke kills me! But that is probably because I made it up. (I think I’m just high-larious.) You see, there is important wildebeest news coming out of Sweden. The management of the Parken Zoo in Eskiltuna (near Stockholm) is accused of barbecuing two wildebeests for a staff party. What does wildebeest taste like? The same as any animal that crosses the road.
If this sounds vaguely familiar, it’s kind of the plot of Andrew Bergman’s The Freshman. The plot revolved around “the gourmet club,” where people paid to eat endangered species. “The komodo dragon should go for $350,000 a plate served off the bone with a cream basil sauce—Schlegel’s trademark.” Of course, in the film, it turns out to be a big scam. And it may be the same thing with the wildebeest as the Parken Zoo.
There is no doubt that the two wildebeests were killed. According to management, they were too aggressive, but the zoo did not have enough space to keep them separately. (Too bad we can’t do similarly with aggressive assholes in society.) The question is whether they slaughtered and cooked the animals. According to the article, “The zoo’s chief executive Torbjorn Bergvall denied the meat was used for the barbecue and said somebody was trying to create bad publicity for Parken.”
It wouldn’t be hard. The zoo has been embroiled in a fair amount of controversy. Last year, it was accused of taking money collected for saving endangered species and using it on salaries. That seems easy enough to believe; small zoos have lots of economic problems. (I base this on research from the great and under appreciated Fierce Creatures and We Bought a Zoo, which I haven’t seen.) But there seems to be a certain hatred of endangered species at Parken. They’ve also been accused of killing two endangered cougars, to make way for more flashy animals (like this toad). It was not reported whether they ate them, but eyewitnesses claim to have seen them crossing the road, if you know what I mean.
Actually, I don’t see the problem with eating the wildebeests. They weren’t pets, after all. Plus, these two were the wildebeest equivalent of Biff Tannen. Who better to eat? And a culture that feeds fellow mammals to reptilian “pets” has no room to complain. Plus, all of us will eventually be eaten by one or more other creatures. Or as they say in Sweden, we will all eventually cross the road.
