Look. I’ve heard that John Boehner is a chain-smoking drunk. And that’s why I want to have drinks with him. Other than his politics, he sounds like my kind of guy. That’s why we should spend an evening drinking together. Don’t misunderstand. I don’t think I’m going to change his mind about anything. Frankly, I don’t think he has much in his mind to change. Whenever I hear him railing against the president, when I hear is this: “Let’s get out of here and go have a good glass of pinot.”

In this way, we are of like minds; we are copacetic. I want to discuss all the girls he loved before. I want to know if he has any tattoos. And I want to probe him about whether it wasn’t a major mistake to major in Business Administration. If he hadn’t done that, he might be a Democrat now.

Most of all, I want to see what is going on in the inside of this man. Because I don’t think he gives a damn about the politics that he is in the center of.

At least, that’s what I want to believe. Because if he really does care about what he’s doing in Washington? Then he’s a total dick.

Afterword

I also want to explain to him how his last name is pronounced.