I Should Have Chosen to Be a Unicorn

UnicornIt always surprises me – although I don’t know why – whenever I read another example of how judgmental, ignorant, intolerant, hypocritical, and self-righteous some people are. I am aware of those same character flaws in myself but I’m not nearly as horrible as those people. As a person of reasonable tolerance and some intelligence, I don’t spend my time speculating about other people’s sexual orientation or possible sexual preferences. Gay or straight, I do not want to know what goes on in anybody’s bedroom. As a matter of fact, I prefer to look at everyone as asexual because it’s just less gross. Anyone who spends any time wondering what other people do to pleasure themselves or another is a person I would avoid. That person is a pervert.

Aside from pedophiles, rapists, sadistic murderers, animal abusers, and Ann Coulter, I think people should just be left alone to live their sad, innocuous lives. Don’t hurt me or anyone I care about and I will not intentionally hurt you. Words to live by.

I understand that some unfortunates are born with the capacity for murder and mayhem, while some learn to be cruel through experience and suffering. No one chooses to be a psychotic killer. No one chooses to be a pedophile. No one chooses to be gay. WAIT! Do not think that I am in any way implying that homosexuality is bad or evil. I’m merely saying that we are who we are – good or bad and “good” or “bad” are subjective terms. I think pedophilia is horrifying; it doesn’t necessarily follow that a pedo is a bad person. Does that make sense? He (or she) has a terrible predilection, but it may be something that can be controlled; castration pops to mind, but therapy and medication might work too.

Regardless, we have very little control over who we are. We don’t choose to love our children. We (most of us) do choose not to drown them and just suffer through the pain of raising them. None of us have any control over who we are attracted to. Everyone has known someone who is with a total wanker. That’s why the truism “there’s no accounting for taste” exists. I was born with a natural aversion to root beer. I didn’t choose to find root beer one of the most disgusting flavors ever created by man. If I had indeed had a choice I would have chosen to enjoy root beer so I wouldn’t have to listen to the never-ending astonishment, “You don’t like root beer?!” No. Call me a freak, but I like beer without the root.

What started all this rambling about choice is LZ Granderson’s article, Oops, I left my sexual orientation at home. I think it’s worth reading.

Here’s an excerpt:

I decided to go with the French Roast over the Morning Blend. When I got in my Jeep, I decided to listen to Eric Church as opposed to Zac Brown Band or Craig Morgan. I opted not to run that red light. I chose to park on the street as opposed to the nearby lot.

And just before I got out of the car, I chose to be gay.

(I’ll bet he wishes he went with deaf instead.)

It’s been more than 20 years since the World Health Assembly removed homosexuality from its list of mental disorders. Which is why the news out of California this week should not be that Gov. Jerry Brown signed legislation that prohibits minors from being subjected to treatment from state-licensed therapists designed to change their sexual orientation.

The story is that this practice is still going on in 2012.

“This bill bans non-scientific ‘therapies’ that have driven young people to depression and suicide,” Brown said in a statement. “These practices have no basis in science or medicine and they will now be relegated to the dustbin of quackery.”

My only pedantic little point of contention is the phrase “non-scientific”; are there scientific methods out there?

I am just glad that I chose to be a straight, blue-eyed white female. (Good call!) I’m also glad that I chose to be born in California instead of bumblefuck Kentucky. And what’s with all those stupid bastards who chose to be born Asian and gay in South “Kill Me Now” Dakota?

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About Frank Moraes

Frank Moraes is a freelance writer and editor online and in print. He is educated as a scientist with a PhD in Atmospheric Physics. He has worked in climate science, remote sensing, throughout the computer industry, and as a college physics instructor. Find out more at About Frank Moraes.

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