Schooled by Mad Citizen Kane

Mad KaneYes, yes, I’ve already written about Mad Kane before. But she deserves at least two articles because she won the Robert Benchley Society Award for Humor, which was presented by Bob Freaking Newhart. This is the coolest thing that has ever happened to anyone I know and I know some pretty cool and famous people. Anyway, as regular readers know, I have many intense if fleeting obsessions.

Mad Kane has a limerick challenge of sorts. I had planned to avoid it, but I happened upon her post that requested a limerick that started (more or less), “A woman was trying her hand.” I liked that because I immediately thought, “A surgeon was sawing her hand.” The comedic potential was too great and my resistance folded like an ironing board that folds particularly well.

But other than thinking that a surgeon sawing her own hand off was hysterical (Everyone loves a good self-torture narrative!) I had nothing. That was when I made my Big Mistake.

“Hand” rhymes with “Sudan” and “Koran.” That had possibilities. After a fair amount of work, I came up with this:

A preacher was trying his hand
To save a few souls in Sudan
The few who were liable
To like his dear Bible
Said they still preferred their Koran.

I worked particularly hard on that second line. It was originally, “At a mission in eastern Sudan.” Although this works in hearing, I find it is disrupting in reading. But this probably says more about my poor reading skills than anything. I also changed a number of things so it wouldn’t be offensive. For example, it was originally “zealot” rather than “preacher.” And it sure wasn’t “dear” Bible, originally!

In the end, I was very pleased with it. This is especially the case because it does the one thing I think a limerick should do: pay off in the last line. This is what I have a very hard time doing. Here is a limerick written by Carolyn Henly that really made me laugh:

A poet was trying her hand
At a limerick that wouldn’t get panned:
The rhymes were a breeze;
She contrived them with ease.
Too bad the doggone-son-of-a-jumping-frog last line didn’t scan!

But you know me: I love silly.

Anyway, it turns out that Mad Kane is Good and True of Heart. That is: she’s as much of a pedant as I am! She noted that “hand” does not rhyme with “Sudan.” Woe is me! Mad Kane was dissing my cherished rhyme! (She has a very thorough discussion of the limerick on her site, including a very clever “how to write a limerick” limerick.)

It seems I am in over my head, which is not that bad. I like the feeling. But as a longtime songwriter, I have gotten to the point where I prefer assonance to rhyme. One of my more recent songs “rhymes” the words “gas,” “dad,” and “match.” So my standards are kind of low. You can imagine what a great limerick you would get using those three words.

So I went back to work and wrote a limerick that talks about what it is:

A blogger was trying his hand
At limericks that others could stand
His rhymes weren’t quite right
His meter a blight
And they always ended so bland.

“Bland” is the operative word here. But I can’t be smart all of the time. (Andrea: do not comment, “Or any of the time.”) To console myself, I am altering my original limerick:

There once was a preacher named Stan
Who tried to save souls in Sudan
The few who were liable
To like his dear Bible
Said they still preferred their Koran.

Count yourself lucky the preacher wasn’t from Nantucket!

This entry was posted in Uncategorized by Frank Moraes. Bookmark the permalink.

About Frank Moraes

Frank Moraes is a freelance writer and editor online and in print. He is educated as a scientist with a PhD in Atmospheric Physics. He has worked in climate science, remote sensing, throughout the computer industry, and as a college physics instructor. Find out more at About Frank Moraes.

0 thoughts on “Schooled by Mad Citizen Kane

  1. LOL! What a delightful post, and thanks for your kind and enthusiastic words!

    Nice job on your revised Sudan limerick! I do believe you’re becoming a limerick convert. :)

  2. @MadKane – You are officially the nicest person on the internet.

    BTW: Why MadKane? Because I always have to look up how to spell Madeleine. Especially when you use the French spelling. Liberal!

Leave a Reply