First things first: in preparing this picture, I had to crop out the copy of Victor Navasky’s history of the Hollywood blacklist Naming Names from Ms. Goldberg’s left. And this is important, because what I’m about to say is not just about the objectification of women. In fact, it isn’t even mostly about that, but she is cute as a button.
The only relationship rule that matters and actually makes intuitive sense to me is Half Age Plus Seven. It states that if your girlfriend or boyfriend is younger than half your age plus seven, it is officially creepy. For me, this age is 48/2 + 7 = 31. This is certainly true. In fact, it seems a little young. But certainly, a man my age having a relationship with someone 25 is beyond creepy. The younger one must have daddy issues and the older one—I don’t even want to think about it.
I bring all this up because I just want to go on record with the fact that I now have a crush on Michelle Goldberg, and although it is pathetic, it is at least not creepy because she is roughly 37 (or about to be). I like her writing and her style and much else. But mostly, this is all about the hair. It’s too cute.
Don’t get the wrong idea, though. This doesn’t mean I am giving up my many other crushes such as those on Emily Brewster, Sarah Vowell, and Kristen Schaal. But at my age, my ultimate fantasy is that they’d all come over for tea.
That Michelle Goldberg video is really inspiring.