Speaking of CNN…

Some of the most entertaining bits posted on CNN.com are the headlines. Here are a few gems that I’ve noted:

Man drunk, opossum dead, CPR futile; Man arrested after trying to revive roadkill
(PETA would be proud.)

Human remains found at bridge collapse
(No kidding. Dead bodies can rarely stand on their own for any length of time.)

Benoit diary talked to dead wrestler
(Said Benoit’s desk lamp.)

God sued for terror acts
(No worries. His legal counsel is Satan.)

Crocs, kids and escalators a bad combination?

(I don’t think crocodiles and anything are ever a good combination. I admit, the problem here was me: I had to read the article before I understood it was referring to the footwear rather than the animal.)

‘God’ strikes back at lawsuit, claims immunity
(I told you. Satan never loses a case.)

Kids thought with triple-murder suspect
(At least they didn’t kill with him.)

Baby born in midair
(And it isn’t on YouTube? The mother must have trained for years, first with ping-pong balls before working her way up to a bowling ball.)

Why women should feel good naked
(Because men feel good when women are naked. Duh.)

What tots want Obama to accomplish
(Repeal nap time?)

Is it possible to predict mass murder? [Video]
…and directly underneath…
‘Friday the 13th’ slashes records

Gunshot from boy, 4, kills man
(That’s why you should never leave a loaded child lying around the house.)

Couple damaging cars part of stripping
(Because nothing spices up a marriage like bashing windshields while undressing.)

Sexual assaults on the high seas come
(Is this a heretofore unknown Nostradamus prediction, a typo, or the staff writer’s pirate fantasy?)

Woman, 82, injured by pit bull saving pet
(This is why you should never get between a pit bull and his lifesaving efforts.)

And my favorite so far: Is an ugly baby harder to love?
(Only if it’s someone else’s.)

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About Frank Moraes

Frank Moraes is a freelance writer and editor online and in print. He is educated as a scientist with a PhD in Atmospheric Physics. He has worked in climate science, remote sensing, throughout the computer industry, and as a college physics instructor. Find out more at About Frank Moraes.

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