Speaking of CNN…

Some of the most entertaining bits posted on CNN.com are the headlines. Here are a few gems that I’ve noted:

03/26/10
Man drunk, opossum dead, CPR futile; Man arrested after trying to revive roadkill
(PETA would be proud.)

9/07
Human remains found at bridge collapse
(No kidding. Dead bodies can rarely stand on their own for any length of time.)

9/14/07
Benoit diary talked to dead wrestler
(Said Benoit’s desk lamp.)

9/17/07
God sued for terror acts
(No worries. His legal counsel is Satan.)

Crocs, kids and escalators a bad combination?

(I don’t think crocodiles and anything are ever a good combination. I admit, the problem here was me: I had to read the article before I understood it was referring to the footwear rather than the animal.)

9/21/07
‘God’ strikes back at lawsuit, claims immunity
(I told you. Satan never loses a case.)

01/02/09
Kids thought with triple-murder suspect
(At least they didn’t kill with him.)

Baby born in midair
(And it isn’t on YouTube? The mother must have trained for years, first with ping-pong balls before working her way up to a bowling ball.)

01/25/08
Why women should feel good naked
(Because men feel good when women are naked. Duh.)

What tots want Obama to accomplish
(Repeal nap time?)

02/16/09
Is it possible to predict mass murder? [Video]
…and directly underneath…
‘Friday the 13th’ slashes records

05/06/09
Gunshot from boy, 4, kills man
(That’s why you should never leave a loaded child lying around the house.)

05/27/09
Couple damaging cars part of stripping
(Because nothing spices up a marriage like bashing windshields while undressing.)

06/22/09
Sexual assaults on the high seas come
(Is this a heretofore unknown Nostradamus prediction, a typo, or the staff writer’s pirate fantasy?)

06/24/09
Woman, 82, injured by pit bull saving pet
(This is why you should never get between a pit bull and his lifesaving efforts.)

And my favorite so far: Is an ugly baby harder to love?
(Only if it’s someone else’s.)

This entry was posted in Uncategorized by Frank Moraes. Bookmark the permalink.
Avatar

About Frank Moraes

Frank Moraes is a freelance writer and editor online and in print. He is educated as a scientist with a PhD in Atmospheric Physics. He has worked in climate science, remote sensing, throughout the computer industry, and as a college physics instructor. Find out more at About Frank Moraes.

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *