I rarely torture you all with my own poetry but this rhymes! And yes, I know what you’ll say, “It’s bad enough that this is all about death; do you really have to end it by saying that death is a good thing?” Well, yes, as a matter of fact I do. I’m no fan of death, but there are a great many things that are worse than death. For example (and I hate to bring this up because it really bothers me), I would rather die than have my toes cut off one by one with a pair of cutter pliers. The same thing goes for my fingers now that I think about it. And now that you have that image, enjoy the poem!

Hopefully perky
Each sign I saw said
Please bring back my Muffin
But Muffin is dead.

Not all the king’s horses
Nor pharmacy meds
Will bring back poor Muffin
Cause Muffin is dead.

Maybe on a highway
Or under a bed
There aren’t happy endings
Cause Muffin is dead.

Kristin can tell you
When her Muffin fled
And stayed gone for two weeks
Muffin was not dead.

But that’s the exception
Of which you have read
Cause generally speaking
Muffin is dead.

I know that I’m dreary
And filled up with dread
But ration’ly speaking
Poor Muffin is dead.

She could be in much pain
Tortured in a shed
Then isn’t it better
If Muffin is dead?